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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the worst thing that's been said to you whilst DTD?

400 replies

6079SmithW · 01/02/2018 14:05

I have been inspired by the highly entertaining responses to my original AIBU? thread!

AIBU to ask what's the worst thing that's ever been said to you whilst DTD?

OP posts:
katseyes7 · 02/02/2018 18:11

At the risk of TMI, my (now ex) husband was taking ages and l was getting to the point of having had enough. He said "it doesn't matter, l can't think of anybody" and got up.
Which goes a long way to explain why he's my ex....

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 02/02/2018 18:12

'Also whilst pregnant he suddenly stops and shouts "OMG its got me!" That one got a giggle'

GrinGrinGrin

OThenamestheyareachangin · 02/02/2018 18:13

"Ooh, I can see it going in"
Said in a triumphant gameshow host voice!

Original poster
6079SmithW · 02/02/2018 18:18

@hollowtree I think you're probably right that he was abusing you to make himself feel better. That just makes him weak and vile. And good for you that didn't let his appalling lies beat you and are able to see that Thanks

I hope karma has well and truly come back to bite him on the arse

OP posts:
BashStreetKid · 02/02/2018 18:18

This thread is so going to be lifted by those pillocks at the Mail and Sun.

chickenanbeanz · 02/02/2018 18:20

Not the worst thing but definitely the funniest thing (and resulted in our first child) he got my head stuck through the metal head board of the bed

Original poster
6079SmithW · 02/02/2018 18:25

"I AM THE COCKMEISTER!" GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
Laine21 · 02/02/2018 18:26

reading this after a long day at work and the tears are rolling down my face, darling man is making the dinner and keeps asking what im laughing at now!

PassTheAfterEights · 02/02/2018 18:27

Oh my God @chickenanbeanz just when I was thinking there are too many shockers to acknowledge individually here!!!

Similar experience with genuinely tiny penis owner panting a loooot about how huge and throbbing it all was while I experienced less sensation than I get from the average cup of tea.

Same chap got himself in the mood by adopting a baby voice vom vom vom vom vom and asking, repeatedly, expecting an answer and not rhetorically, "is it naughtiness"?

TRIPLE CRINGE.

marhav999 · 02/02/2018 18:32

First of all I know I’m average. I was young she was a P4G4 multip, all natural. She said “Are you in yet?”

corlan · 02/02/2018 18:35

'Oh my God! You're taking my seed!'

coconuttella · 02/02/2018 18:44

P4G4 multip

No idea what this is?!

SilenceIsBroken · 02/02/2018 18:44

These are all amazing but "get my big dick right inside you, right inside, right inside." Made me snort!

I don't have any as good as these but the needy ones stick out in my memory. "You like that, dontcha. Do you like it? Do you?" Just get on with it, I'm not your therapist!

SilenceIsBroken · 02/02/2018 18:46

Oops sorry about weird hours-apart double post!

Original poster
6079SmithW · 02/02/2018 18:47

@marhav999 what is a P4G4 multitip?

OP posts:
Thisworldsnofun · 02/02/2018 18:48

I have multiple stories!
One ex grabbed my boobs while we were DTD and said "mmm, squashy!" Apparently it was a compliment!
Another lit candles and played robbie williams rock dj on repeat. I was so put off I went to sleep while he was still going!
One ex told me a story of him throwing up on some poor girls head while she was giving him some attention down there. Felt so lucky he didn't do it on me.
I also once got hysterics at the expression on a guys face and was laughing so hard he couldn't finish.
I'm going to hell, aren't I?

Estellanpip · 02/02/2018 18:55

'Is it naughtiness?'

Ewww 😂

CinnamonBlockage · 02/02/2018 19:00

"I think there's a train coming"

DTD by a railway line :0

Sheffield to Manchester if anyone's interested

PortiaCastis · 02/02/2018 19:02

Fuckin hell was it Thomas the Tank engine

Ginburee · 02/02/2018 19:05

Someone I was dating who before we did the deed licked my face and said 'I want to pick you aaallllllll over.
Needless to say we never did the deed.
I was once having sex with a guy I had been seeing (and it was great sex) and we were doing the wheelbarrow position when he slapped my backside on each side really hard and said 'go on girly in a really bad western American accent. I didn't see him again.
I did have a one night stand with someone who's nickname was 'Nobby', as I found out it was because he had a micro penis and I felt so dreadfully sorry for him as it really didn't do a thing for either of us.

Sidge · 02/02/2018 19:06

P4G4 multip = 4 pregnancies 4 births - multiparous (more than one birth)

Should be the other way round, G then P. Gravida - pregnancy. P - outcome of pregnancy.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/02/2018 19:10

"Oww!! OWWWW!!!! Get your nails out of my bloody back!!!!" - which was a surprise as I don't have long nails

Then I saw the cat sitting on his back, peering over his shoulder at me with a quizzical expression ...

MaMisled · 02/02/2018 19:15

During our millionth reconciliation in a rocky relationship, my then bf said, in the middle of a session, "I want to go back to how we were before". I could have cried with joy and relief and said "oh me too! I love you so much ". He then said "I mean for you to get back on all fours!".

handyforpicnics · 02/02/2018 19:19

"I'll bet you were a real raver when you were young."

Confused

Amazingly, that guy is still single.

HeadingHome · 02/02/2018 19:24

ExH: “I’m sweating like a sex worker.”

I would later discover he had first-hand experience 😒

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