To ask the worst thing that's been said to you whilst DTD?

[6079SmithW]

I have been inspired by the highly entertaining responses to my original AIBU? thread!

AIBU to ask what's the worst thing that's ever been said to you whilst DTD?

Mummad

"Cor wahey cor look at that". My ex husband. He was under the duvet "inspecting" me – with a torch! He also used to talk about "shafting" me. What with that and stopping washing, I went right off him and wouldn't let him near me again. my flesh is roaring at the memory.

Flesh is crawling! Bloody speech to text.

"For Christ's sake, how much longer?"

Brilliant thread - so funny.

One charmer said to me 'let's get a move on, footie is on in ten minutes' which was a bit of a passion killer. That ended well.

Sadly nothing to add but this has had me in stitches. Thanks for the laughs. I'm really pleased to note I've been extremely lucky.

liz70

Her baby bottles were glass and weighed a metric fuck-tonne. In order to even consider sleeping she had to be holding one in a death grip, with ninety thousand dummies in her immediate vicinity.

I threw my clothes to him as I stripped sexily and he said...'are you going to pick those up?' Yep! And put them back on and went and watched TV, sarky bugger.

@TheExtraPickle bloody hell that wipes the floor with what I've read so far hahahahaha

Similar to an early poster.
One of our dogs sleeps at the bottom of out bed. One night during a particularly good go he got booted off the bed because he was in the way. He shook himself off, danced around a bit and got back on. DH and I also did a bit of commentary.
"Oops, you appear to have, completely accidentally, knocked me off the bed"
"But that's ok though, I know you didn't mean it and I can just climb right back on"

Mood killer.

"Do you know? I always thought you'd be better at this" I really wish I had punched him in the face

From an ex dtd "you say oh babe ....a lot! can you stop it please." How rude.

I forgot a really bad one that one of the posts above has reminded me off.
New boyfriend and I just getting down to doing the deed when he said “oh I am sweating like a rapist”
I have never moved so quick and got dressed so quick. He couldn’t understand why I dumped him as a rapist would sweat vile vile vile

"No, it's no good, I'm going to have to put my slippers on."

"There's a good girl"

Enough said 😫👎

Fucking weirdo.

My now DH shouting to his adult pampered entitled son upon hearing him going out the front door to work 'SS name, what time do you finish?' No need for DH to know whatsoever and besides if he did could've text him anytime during day. Dh then wondered why l lost interest.

I pissed myself when trying to initiate dirty talk with DH. I said ‘so what do you like’ (positions) He spluttered and said ‘just the usual I suppose’ Not the best at dirty talk!

One of my first boyfriends was scrabbling around in the dark for a condom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "looking for a human porking device".

One night stand many years ago-

"I guarantee you will fall in love with me"

Did I marry him?

Never saw the fucker again.
I was aching for days though

“No ones every made me cum.. it can’t be done”
30 seconds later “that’s never happened before”
brushes off shoulders

ever not every

Oh one more-exact wording-

"Can I put it up your hoop?"

Charming

GingerMcGrey mid 90's in a nice town in the South West and he worked in a bar?
ghostwatch same place as above I had an ex that couldn't cum quietly and did a kind of howling Neanderthal sound which was awful and hilarious.

Remember when the switch off TV and the National Anthem came on well whilst in the throes of passion right at the critical moment whilst DTD it blasted out much laughter ensued guaranteed passion killer 😂😂😂

ginburee no, mine was from the Midlands but lived in Preston.

It must be a common phenomenon. I remember he looked so pleased with himself as he revealed it!