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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To secretly record him?

190 replies

reddingtn · 01/02/2018 13:03

NC for obvious reasons. I recently started driving lessons with a guy who is a friend of a friend. He works for a well known local company.

The thing is, I hate learning with him as he always makes lewd comments. Last lesson he commented that he liked my bra and could see it through my jumper, leaned over me repeatedly to put the windscreen wipers on and off and said my hair smelled nice with a leer. Also brags all his female students are after him blah blah, dirty innuendos etc, threatening to spank me if I don't do x driving skills right at the junction.

He knows my boyfriend, and I've actually got really stroppy at him, saying his language is inappropriate, rude and disrespectful to me and DP, but he still doesn't stop. I'm late 20s he's early 40s if it matters.

I can't cancel as I've paid money upfront for a bulk discount. I am now fed up of him and dreading my next lesson, so wondered about recording him on my phone, as he'll deny anything if I make a complaint to the company. I'm also worried I'll jeopordise future lessons/money paid if I complain before I pass/use up the lessons I've paid for. Has anyone got any ideas on how to handle this?

OP posts:
bridgetoc · 07/02/2018 13:59

I see no problem with recording......

Make the recording and report him. Ask for a refund and use the recording if you need it.

Palavapalava · 07/02/2018 14:41

Yuk, horrid man.

You’ve done nothing wrong. Record him
on your next lesson. Report him to the company and ask for a different instructor or your money back. You’re payment is for driving lessons not unwanted sexual and personal harassment. If they disagree shout it from the rooftops - you’ll have evidence to back it up.

He may find it sexually exciting to abuse his position of trust and making you feel uncomfortable and intimidated. There will be 17 yr olds being subjected to this too - he needs stopping. Now.

Palavapalava · 07/02/2018 14:42

Seen that you’ve done it! Well done and keep us updated!

Likeawolf · 07/02/2018 15:05

I just want to thank you, OP. This happened to me over twenty years ago (as with many of the posters here). I was seventeen and intimidated. I didn't feel I could say anything because my mum had paid a lot of the money for the lessons. At one point the instructor told me that if I didn't do a perfect three-point turn, he'd book us a room in the nearest hotel. He made a lot of inappropriate comments. I somehow thought that this was just something I had to put up with and was too shy and inexperienced to protest. Today, the thought of my teenage daughter having to experience something similar fills me with FURY. I actually felt on the brink of tears reading the post where you say you'd recorded the guy -- THANK YOU. Know that you are doing this for a lot of women and girls, as well as standing up for yourself and your right to be treated with respect. I am cheering you on!

Morphene · 07/02/2018 15:51

Just wow. What is wrong with people like this?

Glad you reported him op

BouncingIntoGraceland · 07/02/2018 16:42

I think you should follow up with the company op.

CoraPirbright · 07/02/2018 17:03

Just wanted to chime in with an enormous WELL DONE OP!! He should absolutely not be allowed to get away with being a colossal sleazebag and it takes someone with guts, like you have shown, to stand up to him not only for yourself but also for all the other women he will, by dint of his job, be exposed to. I am tough as old boots but just thinking about my dd being exposed to this gives me the absolute rage!! Why the hell should we have to put up with this sort of crap??!!

Flowers for you, OP and fingers crossed that the company will actually take some positive action and not just try to sweep it under the carpet.

Original poster
reddingtn · 08/02/2018 17:58

georgeoutside

I meant our appointments etc

OP posts:
ItLooksABitOff · 08/02/2018 18:44

you go girl. Wish I'd done this.

travellinglighter · 08/02/2018 18:58

IF the company don’t do anything then name and shame them on here-

Original poster
reddingtn · 08/02/2018 19:08

Oh I will travellinglighter

OP posts:
bunbunny · 08/02/2018 20:32

Glad to hear you were able to record and get something useful but are going to see how the driving school handle it first.

Is anybody else reading this and thinking that they would like to see a dash cam type set up that records the inside of the car or at least the front inside the car for driving lessons?

It would be a massive safety plus for pretty much all women and girls taking driving lessons - and a great sales point for so many women that have had problems in the past as well as those wishing to prevent in the future (thinking especially of nervous parents of 17 yr olds!) and I can't see any reasonable instructors minding. The only ones that won't like it are those that want to pounce on their pupils or are worries about the quality of their teaching. The tapes won't need to be looked at regularly - just the odd spot check and whenever an issue is reported.

Original poster
reddingtn · 08/02/2018 20:35

That's such a good idea!

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 08/02/2018 20:36

Yes come to think of it I'm surprised dash cams in driving lessons aren't a thing already. Seems like an obvious safeguarding measure.

Motoko · 09/02/2018 08:57

So, have you not heard from the company yet?

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