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AIBU?

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Original poster

To secretly record him?

190 replies

reddingtn · 01/02/2018 13:03

NC for obvious reasons. I recently started driving lessons with a guy who is a friend of a friend. He works for a well known local company.

The thing is, I hate learning with him as he always makes lewd comments. Last lesson he commented that he liked my bra and could see it through my jumper, leaned over me repeatedly to put the windscreen wipers on and off and said my hair smelled nice with a leer. Also brags all his female students are after him blah blah, dirty innuendos etc, threatening to spank me if I don't do x driving skills right at the junction.

He knows my boyfriend, and I've actually got really stroppy at him, saying his language is inappropriate, rude and disrespectful to me and DP, but he still doesn't stop. I'm late 20s he's early 40s if it matters.

I can't cancel as I've paid money upfront for a bulk discount. I am now fed up of him and dreading my next lesson, so wondered about recording him on my phone, as he'll deny anything if I make a complaint to the company. I'm also worried I'll jeopordise future lessons/money paid if I complain before I pass/use up the lessons I've paid for. Has anyone got any ideas on how to handle this?

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 02/02/2018 07:12

Good luck for today!

Doublemint · 02/02/2018 07:14

This man needs his comeuppance.

Good luck for today!!!

As the back seat is already full I will be standing at every junction with a banner cheering you on.

You've got this!

Footle · 02/02/2018 07:31

OP, have you read anything about Larry Nassar? Jimmy Savile? Ring any bells?

Please don't get back in the car with this man. Tell his employers today. He can only do this as long as no one reports him.

He sees nothing wrong with what he's doing. No one is going to blame you for stopping him.

Lalalaleah · 02/02/2018 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lalalaleah · 02/02/2018 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
reddingtn · 02/02/2018 08:06

Thanks everyone for the advice and good luck wishes. Lesson is at 9 so I'll update just after 11Smile

OP posts:
ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 02/02/2018 08:12

You have to report him. What if/when some poor naive 17 year old girl gets know the car and is subjected to that sort of behaviour. What if he misreads a woman’s reaction and attacks her. Probably unlikely but could you live with that?

wheresmyphone · 02/02/2018 08:25

Had a quick look but just have to say please be very careful. God knows what would happen if he found out if you were recording him
Covertly. This could back fire terribly, Please do not go to another lesson. Just phone up, explain to mgt you want a new teacher, you do not need evidence. Keep yourself safe.

italiancortado · 02/02/2018 08:29

Again, why are you choosing to be harassed?

Original poster
reddingtn · 02/02/2018 08:46

I want proof italian. I am not going to take it further when at this point it's simply my word against his.

OP posts:
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 02/02/2018 08:56

I was harassed by my driving instructor at a similar age. He would smack my legs if I got my clutch control wrong, he would find a reason to touch me, he would make inappropriate comments and ask about my sex life with my boyfriend. If I got something wrong he would shout at me. Once he formed to drive up a country lane and pull up. When we pulled up he got out the car and told me to as well. He then offered me a cigarette, which I took and asked me to go for a walk with him. I was a very naive 17 year old but luckily something kicked in and I got back in the car and turned the engine on. Luckily he got back in too and nothing happened. I called the company and told them, they were sympathetic but I've no idea if they did anything. This was all over twenty years ago but your post bought it all back. Please be careful today.

italiancortado · 02/02/2018 09:17

want proof italian. I am not going to take it further when at this point it's simply my word against his

That's irrelevant. The guy is sexually harassing you. You don't go back to him.

Hissy · 02/02/2018 10:01

Given the fact that this person is known in social circles and it’s a small environment, while it’s enough to be believed, I don’t blame op for wanting to have absolute proof because this might very well blow up outside the driving school/client relationship

WallaceSimpson · 02/02/2018 10:08

Slimy piss taking bastard. He's relying on the fact that you're in the same circle and it's a small town. Record then report.

Hissy · 02/02/2018 10:17

.. AND that she's paid a wedge of cash upfront...

utter bastard!

whiskyowl · 02/02/2018 10:23

I think recording him is an excellent idea. You can hopefully take him down so that no other women have to endure this.

Simply complaining and walking away wouldn't necessarily achieve that.

I would caption the video and put it on Youtube, then send a link to the company!

TaggieRR · 02/02/2018 10:25

Good luck OP. He needs reporting.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 02/02/2018 10:27

Good for you standing up for yourself! You’ve mentioned you are worried about consequences for him as he’s in your social circle. Maybe it# worth looking at it the other way round (you are th3 victim, not him!). Don’t you think your friends may be appalled at what he has done to you. If they are not friends.

elportodelgato · 02/02/2018 10:30

I had a driving instructor like this when I was learning 20 yrs ago. Everyone marvelled at how quickly he got people through their test, but it was just because none of us could stand the lessons! Huge motivator in learning fast and passing first time, but he was notorious

KarmaStar · 02/02/2018 10:31

Hi OP
He is sexually harassing you.yes record him for evidence and if he touches you say clearly please remove your hand from my leg so that action is not missed.
But just have one more lesson,you don't want to put yourself at risk by continuing.
He has obviously got away with this before as either nobody dared report him or it was a his word against hers scenario,if the latter is the case,his employers are probably aware of his reputation but unable to dismiss him.yet.
Make sure you get a hundred per cent of your money back regardless of lessons taken.
You will also have a case to go to the police but that is another issue.
But please remember your safety is more important than anything else.insist on your next lesson you stay in a busy area..
If the company tries to put you on a back foot by asking why you had more than one lesson just tell them you were intimidated,was worried about the amount of money you had spent and lacked the confidence to know what to do about it.stay strong.you are in the right.good for you for having the courage to stand up to him.

DecisionTree · 02/02/2018 10:43

He sounds awful get evidence and report him

Hissy · 02/02/2018 11:01

She's finishing her lesson now

Original poster
reddingtn · 02/02/2018 11:22

I'm back. He wasn't that bad today. Commented on my clothes the second I got in the car 'look at you all tarted up!' (Black leggings, denim skirt and jumper?!) Made a couple of comments but nothing massive. I pulled him up when he leaned over me again and he laughed at me but did stop (weather was dry though). I got him on record admitting to commenting on my bra and smelling my hair. He laughed and made a point of sniffing me. Ugh. I mentioned Wednesday a few times and said it wasn't on, unprofessional etc. He laughed, belittled me and said okok I won't do it again. I said good and he said 'get over it hahaha'.

It's all recorded. Interestingly he also said on the recording that complaints have been made about other drivers for the same thing! I didn't say much to that but I was Shock

OP posts:
amusedbush · 02/02/2018 11:30

Ugh, he sounds like a total lech. I'm glad you've recorded him, definitely make a complaint and ask for your money back.

hellsbellsmelons · 02/02/2018 11:41

He just sounds creepy!