Child only eats beige food!!

[helpmysonwonteat]

Name changed for this one.
Both me and DH love food and cooking, when I was PG I had visions of cooking family home cooked meals and all sitting round the table, and I have tried SO HARD to do this.
When DS was being weaned it took a while for him to get used to purees and then when he did it took ages to get to lumpy food. We tried BLW, he wouldn’t pick any food up. Took till he was 18 months to eat anything that wasn’t mashed up, then one day he decided he wouldn’t eat mashed food any more, so we tried giving him smaller portions of our food. Wouldn’t eat it, completely refused, screamed at the sight of it. Only thing he showed any interest in was nuggets and chips. That was August and he’s refused any other food since other than toast, crisps and yoghurt coated fruit. In the mornings I have to blend fruit and veg into a smoothie to make sure he’s gettting his vitamins.
Health visitor said ‘just offer what you’re having and nothing else if he doesn’t eat’ I did that and he didn’t eat for a day other than his usual snacks. I couldn’t have him going to bed hungry so gave toast - this went on for a few days so I called the HV back and she said ‘offer him what you eat and nothing else for four days, if he doesn’t eat then take him to A&E and get him fed on a drip ’
That’s not advice I am willing to follow.
He had nuggets and chips on Christmas day!
Any advice beyond ‘starve him into submission’ would be welcomed - please be nice and I want it to be known I am not one of those parents you read about in the sidebar of shame that sends their children off to school with a mars bar for lunch! We eat really well and if I had my way he would too - he’s little but always has been, consistently on 23rd percentile since birth.
My friends’ autistic daughter is the same, and autism runs in our family (sister is very high up on spectrum) so that’s a worry in the back of my mind as well because he is extremely hyperactive and won’t ever sit still, even when a room full of children are sitting still for song time at playgroup etc.

I feel your pain - DD was very reluctant to be weaned (onto anything; the low point was when she vomited to get yoghurt out of her mouth). She's now 5, and it has, very slowly, got better, though she's far from normal. I came across her food diary from 15 months, when the entirety of her solid intake one day was 4 cheerios and 1/4 of a cracker (all beige!). I also refused to starve my child. All I can suggest is that you keep offering new foods alongside the ones he will eat. DD also drank a LOT of milk. For DD, the issue is texture - she'll eat a wide range of Ella's purees (now, not at 18 months!), but only broccoli and sweetcorn in solid form. The main thing that's changed is that I refuse to get stressed about it, and as DD's milk includes formula, she's getting plenty of vitamins - is your DS getting some kind of vitamin supplement?

Hope that's some form of reassurance.

Thank you - it’s worrying isn’t it! I had to throw his food diary out as it was stressing me out and therefore him too much.
Yes he takes a supplement (hidden in a drink again! daily. Glad to hear your DC got slowly better, each new food is a victory isn’t it!

Also yes it’s texture for him, he hates any different textures. I tried placing the food in his mouth and he shoved his fingers down his throat to make himself sick

Hi. Have a look at sensory food aversion. We have a 7yo who was the same with the textures and gagging. We were referred and have had some support and he still has issues but we were given strategies to help him be braver in trying textures that cause him anxiety.

my fussy eater DC is now a teenager and despite being told that they would grow out of it etc. this never happened. Its can be absolutely draining so we decided to just let DC eat exactly what they wanted and its all been a lot less stressful since then. DC is a bit skinny but fit and active. it is a pain when you have to think about eating out and whilst we have cracked meals at home because I adapt them so that DC will eat them but all my other kids don't just get bland/the same food, eating out is still a challenge.

occasionally even now I get mini triumphs when we get DC to try something new and they like it. apparently DC is a super taster and therefore really can tell the difference between different brands of pasta shapes or in our DC's case tap water from different places. the consultants only suggestion was that DC should go into a job where acute sense of taste would be valued!

How old is he? Less extreme, but DD2 has always been a difficult eater. She seems to have issues around texture. She's 5 now and still not brilliant. It's mainly cooked meals that are the problem.

Will he eat any cereal? Or a sandwich of some kind? Because DD will eat cereal/toast for breakfast and a sandwich (peanut butter only!) for lunch and she will eat some fruit, I know she isn't going to starve so I don't worry too much about what she eats for dinner. I continue to serve what the rest of us have but do try to make sure there is something in the plate she will eat. Could you try putting something different on the plate alongside chips? Keep portions really small so it's not offputting.

I try not to only offer her foods I know she will eat as then I think there's little chance she will ever expand her diet. I just hope that if she is exposed to different foods then eventually she might start to eat it!

FWIW I have an elder DD who eats pretty much anything, so I think difficult eating has little to do with how you parent, sometimes it's just luck. However, if you have genuine concerns about possible SEN, then do seek advice from your GP as it could be more than just being "fussy".

Have you tried calamari?

you say he has a fruit/veg smoothie & a vitamin so his getting some goodness.

Children have phases, in all honestly I would just give him what he likes. Obviously try offering 1 new food a day on the side of his plate or whatever but I would try not to stress over it.

My 4 year old DS is the same. He will basically only eat toast, crackers or chicken. Everyday is a struggle to get home to eat. Sometimes we think we've had a breakthrough with spaghetti loops or something for him then to detest it again the next day! The school are very supportive though and give him little reward notes if he eats all his sandwich up

*get him to eat not home lol

Thank you all so much you’ve made me feel better - was prepared for an onslaught of comments like the HV’s so glad you’re all more reasonable! Yeah I do offer little bits of what we having for it to be lovingly rejected but even getting him to keep it on the plate is a win! I’m just concerned about him not getting any calcium or his five a day (hates cows milk/yoghurts, always has since stopping feeding and just refused to drink it)

My daughter was a very fussy eater and is slowly becoming more adventurous and now, at 18, eats curry and spicy foods. For years she was very thin and ate white and beige food. Gradually she acceptEd apple, grapes and carrots and peas. She was weaned in the same way as her older brother, who was a good eater.

She still won’t eat aubergine or mushrooms.

You can get chewable calcium supplements.

poor thing. and poor you. in your shoes, I would give him food that he likes for a little while, so that he can re-build his 'trust' that you will give him things that he likes. Try to make healthier versions of what he likes, such as home-made potato wedges, or sweet potato wedges, home made chicken nuggets (I make one with rice crispy coating and the kids love it).

Then after a few weeks jut give him other foods that may have similar texture and look - such as fish fingers, or veg fingers (from the vegetarian frozen section in supermarkets).

Has he eaten pasta sauce? if so it's a great way to hide lots of vegetables.

And please don't let all the judgy people affect you. I know it's a real battle but you need to stay calm. Eat at the same time as he eats so he can see you enjoying your food. Eat nuggets too once in a while. Just try to focus on making food friendly and nice again, without a battle.

The other thing that helped me was buying preprepared food, not spending hours making things myself - I didn't deal very well with having meals I'd lovingly prepared being rejected. I even tried handmaking purees. That was an error (for me, at least).

Pasta sauce, I can only dream of DD eating sauces, unless they are completely smooth (i.e. purees). I think that's quite common for really fussy children.

I would suggest relax. Give him food you know he will eat. Offer other things but don’t apply and pressure or expectations.

I know it’s tough I have an autistic non eater but turning it into a battle ground won’t help anyone long term

Completely agree with Sirzy. I had a succession of HV. one told me to stop trying to force my DC to eat and just let them wander around and pick because "your DC wont starve, they will eat when they are hungry" yeah right. we ended up in hospital. I have a list of food that DC will eat and this is what they get fed. if the rest of the family have a modified version I always offer a taste of it, even now, and always get a no. but as I said occasionally something gets tried and enjoyed.

the idea of making "healthier versions of what he likes" made me chuckle. if it wasn't the exact right make of product then it got spat out and my DC would then refuse everything else on the plate. one thing I did find that helped was separating trying something new from when we have meals. so if I did want DC to try bob the builder pasta shapes rather than alphabetti spaghetti I served up alphabetti with the meal and then a couple of hours later opened a tin of bob the builder to try. Unless you have actually had an eater who is this fussy its really hard to understand why logic doesn't work. You are doing a great job with the smoothie so keep on with that.

Both dc quite fussy :) Luke you I'm a foodie and have spent years being totally gutted, stressed and feeling inadequate as other mothers give such "helpful" advice about where you are going wrong.

My aunt was the most sensible advisor for me with a story she told of her friends dc only eating wheatabix for years but now being a strapping 6ft sporty young man who ate anything.

The minute I caved about food was the minute meals became less stressful and gave me the opportunity to introduce new foods and textures slowly. We still have a small repertoire but everyone is growing and healthy so I don't worry. I still have comments from MIL but I let it wash.

Just ensure you're happy with your child eating and let them learn. Texture issues are very real and sometimes it just takes growing up and often school/peers to encourage variety :).

Your doing a good job and please don't starve your lo.

DS is a fussy eater. He’s down to plain pasta with fruit and nuts for dinner. Every night. I’m so bored even making it.

He did BLW too, and I used to attempt to give him what we were having then fill him up with whatever he’d actually eat. I swore I would do it differently with my twins so did the puréed foods, then solids, giving them what we had or nothing. Result? One twin who eats everything and one who eats almost nothing.

My very scientific study has forced me to conclude it’s all nonsense and you have no control whatsoever. Just feed him. And report that HV.

Follow the advice. So far he's training you to make him toast if he doesn't eat.

What, are you an HV by any chance?

Also just things that worked for us (chicken nugget and chip eater only!)

Fish fingers (sometines)
Garlic pizza bread
Well cooked chicken kebabs

You are doing well with the smoothies - good nutrients there and that's a huge win
(Our original repertoire was - toast with marmite, chicken nuggets, petit filou, chips, bread and innocent green smoothies - ocasdiknalky sausages 😩)

OP, when my dh was a toddler he went from eating everything one day to becoming very fussy almost overnight. From eating 3 bananas a day ( his fave!) he suddenly refused to eat them saying he hated the smell and would eat only mash, broccoli and nuggets. Healthy I know but quite limiting. He continued being very fussy and still is ( now aged 18) but he eats enough variety to keep him healthy.
When he was little we too heard from people, usually other family members , that we should not offer anything else, making it sound like it was all our fault.... like we were spoiling him. We tried offering only what we ate but he went 2 days of not eating and we thought that was enough!
It can be difficult at times but my advice is to let him eat what he likes, continue with fruit/ veg smoothies and just try to not stress about it.

This is my Ds1 he's just turned 5 and he's exactly as you describe, he will only eat foods of a certain texture, anything moist or creamy he just won't.
He hates foods touching each other. He hates the noise in the dinner hall at school. He's losing weight.
I have no advice apart from just let him have what he wants and maybe once a week try to get him to taste one new food, you can make a big fuss about this and give a reward of some sort afterwards if he tries it? I definitely wouldn't starve him or take him to a&e, it's not that he won't eat he just won't eat what you'd like him to eat!
As for the types of food he will eat you can make it healthier by making your own nuggets and wedges/chips etc. If he has sensory issues like my ds then you will have to go along with it to a degree.

Have you read First Bite - How we Learn to Eat by Bee Wilson? It is really good, and has transformed my own relationship with food. It has several chapters specifically about feeding children.