Child only eats beige food!!

[helpmysonwonteat]

Name changed for this one.
Both me and DH love food and cooking, when I was PG I had visions of cooking family home cooked meals and all sitting round the table, and I have tried SO HARD to do this.
When DS was being weaned it took a while for him to get used to purees and then when he did it took ages to get to lumpy food. We tried BLW, he wouldn’t pick any food up. Took till he was 18 months to eat anything that wasn’t mashed up, then one day he decided he wouldn’t eat mashed food any more, so we tried giving him smaller portions of our food. Wouldn’t eat it, completely refused, screamed at the sight of it. Only thing he showed any interest in was nuggets and chips. That was August and he’s refused any other food since other than toast, crisps and yoghurt coated fruit. In the mornings I have to blend fruit and veg into a smoothie to make sure he’s gettting his vitamins.
Health visitor said ‘just offer what you’re having and nothing else if he doesn’t eat’ I did that and he didn’t eat for a day other than his usual snacks. I couldn’t have him going to bed hungry so gave toast - this went on for a few days so I called the HV back and she said ‘offer him what you eat and nothing else for four days, if he doesn’t eat then take him to A&E and get him fed on a drip ’
That’s not advice I am willing to follow.
He had nuggets and chips on Christmas day!
Any advice beyond ‘starve him into submission’ would be welcomed - please be nice and I want it to be known I am not one of those parents you read about in the sidebar of shame that sends their children off to school with a mars bar for lunch! We eat really well and if I had my way he would too - he’s little but always has been, consistently on 23rd percentile since birth.
My friends’ autistic daughter is the same, and autism runs in our family (sister is very high up on spectrum) so that’s a worry in the back of my mind as well because he is extremely hyperactive and won’t ever sit still, even when a room full of children are sitting still for song time at playgroup etc.

'Give up' makes it sound like you don't think the OP will have tried hard enough if her child doesn't eat the healthy food she prepares. OP you can keep offering healthy home made food alongside the beige food, you don't have to starve your child.

offyougo I have tried and tried for months, I just won’t starve him, the amount of food we have wasted through sitting him at the table, family meals, plates of finger food, offering what we have... could probably see us through the next few months!

And yes every day I offer him what we are having, to no avail unfortunately it’s so hard!

A child with some food inside him is better than a child with no food in his tummy. You are doing a great job don't let people make you feel like this is a failure on your part. You can't force a kid to eat no matter what some people think

Didn’t know there was an SN board, I will head over there

My DS was underweight until I ignored all the helpful advice and gave him food he actually ate. He is nearly 11 and finally is on the 50th centile for weight and height. He has SN.

Did you see that TV programme with Chris Packham who has asperger's? He eats the same food every day because it's comforting to him.

DS eats the same food every day and takes a vitamin supplement. His good health has been confirmed by numerous paediatricians.

As well as ARFID, also google supertasters. DS can tell if milk is on the turn the day before I can and can tell the difference between different brands of every single foodstuff.

In the 70s my sister only ate baby food, from tins. On holiday or in restaurants she refused to eat anything, unless she was offered chocolate. She would rather eat nothing. She's still got some eating disorders and controls herself by allowing or not allowing certain foods.
I've know 2 young people, now in their 20s, who gagged their food and only ate bland and 'beige' stuff all their lives. One of them is scared of salad. Like my sister, they have great sensitivity to taste, smell and texture. Unlike her, I think they both exhibit AHD behaviours socially, and have other controlling habits. (which actually sis does too).

What's the research on links between super-tasting/food sensitivity and AHD? Also, as offyougo says above, what happens in deprived or famine areas of the world? Is the incidence the same? BTW, both the young people I mentioned above live outside the UK so have been brought up in different food cultures. Nonetheless they both like the same beige food......

I heard of it but didn’t watch it, wonder if it’s still available! It’s his two year check in a couple of weeks, I’m hoping I can speak to a professional who will listen to my individual concerns rather than spurning out generic one size fits all ‘advice’
HV wants to come round and observe a meal with her nursery nurse. So far I’ve avoided that, me and the NN don’t get on very well due to her being the one who instigated the ‘starve’ advice as well as telling me that I shouldn’t be a SAHM and need to put him in nursery (despite him going to daily toddler groups and social activities), self settling is the only sleep method I should consider, and she shouted at my DS for watching TV whilst eating crisps... poor guy didn’t know what was going on as he always does that at around the same time every day (no naps so we have coffee / juice, snacks and snuggles and a programme)

You HV is an idiot that should be avoided.

Have you asked GP for referral to dietitian?

Current gp has told us "feed him what he will eat" and top up with a good multivitamin+iron.

I'd also look at whether it is just a colour or taste thing, or whether there's a texture issue. My ds is dysphasic, can't swallow certain textures.

Is you ds underweight? My ds issues with food are long running, but we have found that the more body weight he is holding the better and slightly more varied he eats. At the moment we are feeding high calorie to build some of his weight back up.

Just give him what he'll eat is very lazy imo and irresponsible. Parents are meant to teach good habits for life. actually offyougo feeding them what they will eat is a damn good start when you have a child that is failure to thrive. Because just sometimes all the bollocks advice that gets dished out like they "they'll eat when they see others eating", "just feed them what you eat,", "they won't starve themselves" is just that, bollocks. Some children will starve themselves. And that I'm afraid is beyond what you understand as "fussy" eating.
What do you all people think happens with children in poor countries? my child would be dead.

offyougo - for goodness sake rtft will you! Jeez. some children will starve themselves. they will. its a fact.

My DC is a supertaster. I could not pander to this and they would stop eating altogether and end up in hospital. I cannot reason with this, just like I cannot reason with someone like you who thinks its the parents fault for pandering to a fussy child. if it was why aren't all of my other children like this.

I know there is a link between ASD and food disorders.
My sister has always had funny issues with food.
I am not saying this is my DS btw, I just know there are a few red flags (behavioural etc) plus the fact I am hyper aware of it due to the family link. My friends with ASD DC have suggested I join a support group but I feel like a fraud as DS is only 2 and they can’t diagnose until school age anyway until really severe can they?

Op - head over to the sn boards, you have had some thoughtful and helpful posters here, but unfortunately threads about 'fussy eating' on the main boards (of which there seems to have been a few lately) draw out a handful of arseholes who know sweet fuck all about restricted eating, it's like flies attracted to the sweet smell of crap.

I once had a boy in my class who aged 7 had only eaten dry white bread, nuggets and chips. His parents were frantic. He was pale, often tired and frequently ill. He was eventually seen by a specialist who ruled out physical issues. They were told to continue giving him what he ate but each day he had to touch another food with his finger. Never asking him to try eating it. About six weeks later he had to try and touch his tongue on each food but again not eat it. A few weeks after that (and it was a battle at times) he ate a piece of roast potato (and loved it!!) Within the week he was tucking into a full roast dinner! Very quickly his diet changed dramatically.

frusso I was under impression that it was only the HV who could do a referral - that’s what she told me and also what a doctor at the walk in said... if indeed GP can refer me I will definitely go down that route. DS is on my DH private health insurance so if we have to go private then it won’t be too much of an issue either!

menom that’s not something I have tried but definitely will - nothing to lose right!

Will do hazeyjane thanks everyone for taking the time to offer advice xx

Blackcoffee join the support group. There will be some parents in your shoes, suspecting autism, others in the process of getting a diagnosis and others with a statement.

If you feel up to it, you can self refer to a paediatrician and it will get the ball rolling on the assessment process.

Hazey ain't that the truth?

No coffee you can cut out the middle man and request a referral yourself.

If he's naturally low down on the centiles he probably doesn't need a lot of calories and with the snacks and presumably milk? He probably just is naturally fussy and isn't inclined to try anything as he doesn't have much of an appetite. I would be brave and try not to give him the snacks he likes and see if that makes a difference. Try similar but different things first to get him used to change, fish goujons, quorn nuggets, vegetable fingers.

black HVs should not be gatekeepers, it may even be possible for you to self refer ds, I know you can with some services, GPs referred ds.
I have never had HV involvement with ds, after previous HV experience with dd

Small variations are the way to go. Roast potatoes, fish fingers, battered chicken drumsticks (you can get them in M&S), hash browns, potato fritters, corn fritters, zucchini fritters, cheesy ommlets. Gradual change.

It also gets much easier as they get older and you can make food 'fun'

I agree with the idea of getting any calories at all in ( chocolate milk with coco pops twice a day anyone? No, just DD then.) That's the advice we get from dietician. But looking at your lists it's not too bad - you are covering all the food groups (protein, carbs, dairy, fruit) it's just v limited. Dietician told me a story of a child who only had around 6 foods but they covered everything he needed and so he was ultimately healthy! Relax, and remember there are actually quite a lot of us with similar kids (and smile, nod and ignore all the 'helpful' advice from those who really have no idea!).

Lazy parenting ? McCain’s chips? Defo not lazy parenting . Also the insulting assumption that we just lazily dish out convenience frozen food is rather insulting.Having a ‘fussy eater’ is hard work and can be very stressful.
Famine zones are not an area we should be comparing our eating habits with either.