Child only eats beige food!!

[helpmysonwonteat]

Name changed for this one.
Both me and DH love food and cooking, when I was PG I had visions of cooking family home cooked meals and all sitting round the table, and I have tried SO HARD to do this.
When DS was being weaned it took a while for him to get used to purees and then when he did it took ages to get to lumpy food. We tried BLW, he wouldn’t pick any food up. Took till he was 18 months to eat anything that wasn’t mashed up, then one day he decided he wouldn’t eat mashed food any more, so we tried giving him smaller portions of our food. Wouldn’t eat it, completely refused, screamed at the sight of it. Only thing he showed any interest in was nuggets and chips. That was August and he’s refused any other food since other than toast, crisps and yoghurt coated fruit. In the mornings I have to blend fruit and veg into a smoothie to make sure he’s gettting his vitamins.
Health visitor said ‘just offer what you’re having and nothing else if he doesn’t eat’ I did that and he didn’t eat for a day other than his usual snacks. I couldn’t have him going to bed hungry so gave toast - this went on for a few days so I called the HV back and she said ‘offer him what you eat and nothing else for four days, if he doesn’t eat then take him to A&E and get him fed on a drip ’
That’s not advice I am willing to follow.
He had nuggets and chips on Christmas day!
Any advice beyond ‘starve him into submission’ would be welcomed - please be nice and I want it to be known I am not one of those parents you read about in the sidebar of shame that sends their children off to school with a mars bar for lunch! We eat really well and if I had my way he would too - he’s little but always has been, consistently on 23rd percentile since birth.
My friends’ autistic daughter is the same, and autism runs in our family (sister is very high up on spectrum) so that’s a worry in the back of my mind as well because he is extremely hyperactive and won’t ever sit still, even when a room full of children are sitting still for song time at playgroup etc.

Does DS go to school or nursery OP? That might help. DN was very similar but has come a long way since starting pre-school. There is less focus on him I guess because the staff have lots of kids to supervise plus he sees all the other kids digging in so it has encouraged him to try new stuff and expand his repertoire. Annoyingly for SIL he still often won’t eat things at home he has there but at least she knows he’s making progress and getting some variety!

Food aversion is so common with ASD and it's very hard on the parents - you are so aware of the nutrition they should be getting and they, having no idea about that sort of thing, are simply focused on avoiding the foods that make them uncomfortable! I had this with ds too - he was a great eater as a baby, he ate EVERYTHING - he started off OK but then steadily refused more and more types of food. It is soul destroying. For some reason carb-heavy beige food does seem to be a lot safer to their perspective; there's probably a scientific reason behind it (or else Sod's Law ) I can only echo the sensible Iwasjustabout; just feed him what he will eat. There's no point in trying to force it, you'll just make yourselves miserable. Of course if you can coax or wheedle him into trying new foods, that's a bonus and to be welcomed whenever. New stuff will always be more beige though.

Also, if I were you, given that you have family history of autism and your ds is showing at least two red flags, I don't think it would do any harm to push for assessment before school/preschool.

My closest friend at uni existed solely on dairy milk plain chocolate and plain pasta. He managed to all of 18 years old (when I met him), and subsequently till now a good many years on. He's more open to new foods now as he's no longer an unreasonable toddler but don't make a battle ground of food. If your child will eat nuggets and chips and toast then so be it. Of course sneak things in where you can but some battles aren't worth fighting. If everyone is fed, warm and alive that's good enough.

If you'd have taken the professonal advice, you could have nipped this in the bud.

A child won't starve themselves to death.

I feel your pain too. DS is now three, but he was a lot like your DS when weaning - always reluctant to move on, always rejecting new things while his friends ate everything in sight. In his case they are now considering whether he has ASD, which may explain it, but I must say he has improved greatly at eating.

I had to discard the HV advice about him eating our food for starters. It turned every meal into a nightmare and he wasn't eating anything. Instead I just kept offering him a bit of something he would eat (toast with peanut butter, banana, yoghurt, tomato pasta) along with something else (grapes, cucumber, blueberries, cheese, salmon) etc. He rejected everything 5 times before even thinking whether he actually liked it. Going to nursery was helpful too - I would pick him up and find out he ate all his sausages and stole his neighbours' too. Turns out he is rejecting vegetarianism.

He now eats a good but very defined range of foods (generally the expensive, out of season ones), and the list changes weekly, but I think that is normal enough.

I now find the following expression useful "That's ok, you don't have to eat it, but you're not getting anything else". I also bribe him with the promise of yoghurt/fruit if he eats his vegetables, which is a big no-no.

"If you'd have taken the professonal advice, you could have nipped this in the bud. A child won't starve themselves to death."

Utter, utter rubbish EastMidsMummy. I have been taking professional advice for my DC from when the child was 6 months old and now a teenager. and yes, they will starve themselves. that's why we ended up in hospital. I have other children and none of them are like this. Incredibly unhelpful post from someone who has clearly never dealt with a child with an eating disorder.

My mum ended up in hospital because she wouldn't eat. And this was during the War - so there wasn't exactly the opportunity to offer olives and calamari and wotnot. She detested wartime food and preferred not to eat anything. Apparently my granny was hysterical about it. Fast forward and dsis was the same.

Fast fast forward and ds - like the OP's ds - would only eat beige food until he was about 7. It started with a stomach bug when he was 18 months old, and after that point he would only eat white bread, fromage frais, pasta and chocolate. I indeed was the mother who sent packed lunches in of white bread sandwiches with nutella in them (mostly returned uneaten).

I think he turned a corner when he started the juniors and had school dinners. It was having a bit of competition, plus the dinners took a turn for the better.

He is still a bit fussy (doesn't like anything economical !) but definitely eats more than beige now as a teenager.

Mine is now 14 and still the same ... my eldest had always been happy to try anything and everything and was a fabulous eater, but his brother started off okay and then it all went haywire when pureed foods had gone. My eldest one day put a monster munch in his brother's mouth when he was a toddler and he started choking so I started panicking and eventually got it out - sure it probably stemmed from there. At 14 he eats eggs, chicken, bacon, gammon, sausages, mash, gravy, chips etc but never a vegetable and he's never even eaten a normal crisp (used to eat quavers for years until he found out they were made from cheese!). He eats a roast dinner (and finally gave in to roast potatoes last year) without any veg, so carvery is only option for occasions when it's a birthday etc and will eat chicken fried rice (no peas) from a chinese takeaway. I just hope he will continue to add bits as he gets older - he gets very upset if I even mention trying something he is averse to. He reminds me of the freaky eaters programme to an extent. Some are great eaters and some are terrible but hopefully the ones who are not so great will keep advancing with age. Having said that SIL is 53 and only eats margarita pizzas and cornish pasties

I could have written your post word for word about nineteen years ago when I was trying to wean my now twenty year old son (who, incidentally, is now over 6 ft, and fit and healthy). I could write a book about the traumas I went through. I used your same words - 'he'll only eat beige food', and people still ask me 'does he still only eat beige food?'

For many years all he would eat was chicken nuggets (I made my own and froze them in batches), toast, petit filous yoghurts (no other brand), rice, pasta, chips (only thin ones), cheese (only mature cheddar), eggy bread (or french toast), pizzas and fish fingers.

I tried literally everything everything, starvation, bribery, cajoling, punishment, incentives - you name it. It had such a negative impact on our lives, and no-one really understood and I felt terribly criticised

Eventually, we saw a nutritionist and a behavioral psychologist and they both agreed that he was getting enough range and as he was growing and was healthy that I should feed him what he wanted. So I did and our lives improved dramatically. We had strategies for dealing with social situations such as taking a packed meal when we were invited to friends for lunch, and choosing restaurants with great care when eating out.

Punishment didn't work - in fact, in our case nothing worked - it was him making the choice to change things that in the end made the difference. This first happened when he was about 16 and started going out with friends. I was jaw dropped when we took him and his brother to Nandos on holiday as a treat and watched as he ate a chicken burger dripping in hot peri peri sauce. He told me that the first time he ordered this meal with friends - he didn't know it would have sauce on but forced himself to eat it because he didn't want to look foolish in front of these kids.

Cut a long story short(er), he now eats much better (he is completely tee total so it does have some benefits) although his diet is still fairly limited. I just wanted to let you know that I really do empathise - I've been there and I know how difficult it is. Good luck

Have a read of the book can’t eat won’t eat.
It’s got some interesting things in that can help you be less stressed about it.

Even if it is food aversion as part of asd, all that does is labels it rather than fixes It, so don't over think that too much.

If he eats beige food, give him beige food. Try different beige foods. Try things with similar texture to the things he likes. Try putting differebt things in the same packaging as preferred foods in case packaging is a factor.

Make sure food is separated on his plate if that's an issue. Give him different things to Try but only one / a tiny bit of them and not on his plate.

DS went through a beige period - oaty bars, porridge, yogurt, bananas, potato products (chips, waffles), chicken dippers (only Birds Eye ones, won't eat any other types).

He's four and a half now, and has branched out to cheese & tomato pizza, mild curry and rice, sausages, pasta (no tomato sauce of any kind on it), boiled potatoes & roast chicken, broccoli, carrots, avocado, various fruit. So he is getting better. We just didn't make a big deal out of it, offered him things in an offhand 'try it if you want' sort of way - or left things out saying they weren't for him, he'd often insist on trying a bit.

Yes, they're all like that.

DS ate only scrambled eggs, bananas, biscuits, cheese, crackers and milk till he was 3. The odd plate of macaroni.

Some children certainly will starve before they eat something that is “wrong” I am sure ds simply doesn’t feel hunger at all he eats because his routine says he had to eat but he will eat a very minimal amount some days he will have two slices of brown toast with jam (right bread, right jam) and that’s it.

We are at the point now where he needs build up drinks to allow him to maintain his weight. He hasn’t gained weight in two years. I don’t know what the next step is yet but I sure as anything know that trying to force foods which aren’t allowed in his mind isn’t the answer unless we want to make the issue even worse!

I think what makes it worse in our family is that all of my other children eat anything that you put in front of them and have always been adventurous/try anything types. I did find the trying stuff not at meal times makes meal times less stressful and meant that at least I knew that my DC had eaten something rather than not. really feel for you OP its just horrible.

Don't stress, and don't force or starve him. It won't work, and it will make you all stressed.

There's a book - "Can't eat, won't eat" about extreme food aversions/difficulties, it was useful up to a point when my eldest was going through her worst phase.

I have 3 dc, all have ASD and food difficulties to some extent. I think there are 5 different meals that all of them will accept, and that's it.

There are ways around the different aspects, sometimes you have to get inventive/creative - try making similar foods yourself, homemade. It's better quality, and you can sometimes slip extra nutrition in. One of the compromises I've made over the years is that my dc eat banana bread (sugar free version) for breakfast. Maybe not ideal, but better than most cereals (they will only eat the high sugar ones) or jam on toast. I have to make it several times a week, it again, small price to pay.

To give you hope, my eldest is now 13, and will fairly often ask for something different to eat (usually just a small change - a different sauce on pasta, for e.g.) and will also usually give new-ish things a good try - she ate soup and bread for the first time last week (bread has not been a problem for years, but soup! Actual homemade vegetable soup!)

Sirzy we did try stirring milk chocolate into pureed food when that was all we could get DC to eat. white chocolate melted doesn't add flavour but it does add calories. might be something to try. we also had a high calorie powder that when DC was young we could sneak into things but unfortunately DC got wise to that and we had to stop.

we don't have the weight issue anymore but we do have to deal with DC having reflux because the meals are so small/irregular. definitely agree that DC has no appetite and doesn't feel hungry like my other kids do.

My sister was a normal eater until 15 and then spent a year eating nothing except tomato ketchup sandwiches on white bread with the crusts cut off. Our DGM who brought us up was in despair. DSis is now an amazing cook.

I once had a housemate who only appeared to eat toasted crumpets topped with Jolly Green Giant sweetcorn. For every meal. I was After about 9 months I made him some homemade brownies which he loved. Not sure I really expanded his repertoire that much though.

So far my DDs are 11 and 13 and good eaters. However I am aware they haven't got to the ketchup sandwich age yet!

Have had four picky eaters but my son was the worst. Lived off beige food, tomato pasta, the occasional box of raisins. Many spectacular mealtime tantrums as He peered at his dinner before finding fault in out for some reason (even what shape his toast was cut into). He was even fussy about sweets (party bag sweets wereoften binned). He is now 18, and towers above me. He definitely got more adventurous with food as he got more independent and was going out with friends. If I could have my time again I wouldn't try so hard to please him, and would worry less. I think the other mistake I made was to give up offering him things if he'd refused them once. I think it would be better to offer everything at each meal but then not to comment on what he actually eats/tries/rejects. It was a real power struggle between my son and me, and I really wish I hadn't let it escalate and had chilled a bit. Good luck!

5 year old with a food aversion and sensory issues here. We ended up in the care of great ormond streets paediatric feeding disorder team for a while and the best advice we were given was to not even offer the foods he wouldn't eat. We eat them at the same time as him having something safe and wait for him to ask to try some. That way there is absolutely no pressure. I was sure it wouldn't work, that he'd just keep eating the handful of things he deemed acceptable but one day he asked for gravy (he didn't do anything wet at that point) and it was a gateway into all sorts of sauces and wet foods. Now he's older we make sure there is something in every meal he likes or will at least tolerate and we put all the food out on serving dishes in the middle of the table so everyone serves them self (even our 2 year old, with a little help). We try to avoid asking him to try things or putting any pressure on him to eat new foods and it really helps as when he feels strong enough to try something he will do it, on his own terms. So long as he isn't losing weight and is still growing and following his centile I would try really hard to relax and not pressure him. (Sorry for typos, on iPad).

If he's taking a fruit and veg smoothie that's a brilliant thing.

Obviously I know why calimari was suggested, but funnily enough my fussy ds2 actually did like calamari when his accepted (beige) food list was at its smallest

A child won't starve themselves to death

Isn't that precisely what anorexic children do

Not saying your dc is anorexic btw op. Have you looked at ARFID at all? Food chaining works for some. Not us though.

@applecharlotte where did you get referred too? We've found it impossible to get any support.

My DD1 was just the same. I must have cried buckets over her meals, trying to feed her meals when she just wanted beige food. (And for the 'kids won't starve themselves' poster...she also ended up in hospital as a small child)

I remember about a year of her eating only white rice, mash (I could get a little cheese in it) and boiled egg whites. It was hideous. I used to leave little bowls of food around in the hope she would pick some.
Eventually she improved a little but no sauces, nothing could touch on her plate and she mostly ate dry crunchy food..white toast, celery and cucumber!
She was a very thin child who grew into a very thin adult..but some point in her teens she started to eat normally and now is thin but very healthy.
The rest of my children ate well..it was her. She also couldn't stand the texture of most clothes and lived in soft joggers !

Accepting what she ate was the biggest step for me as it too the pressure off both of us.

OP I feel your pain. My DD is a pest for food and had been since birth. She had silent reflux and a milk aversion as a baby, was tough to wean (I went down the purée route) then when I did get her weaned with purée all she would eat was purée (either home made dinners or Ella's 7m pouches - I used to give two as she got older!) until she was 18m. The hours and hours I have spent stressing over it. We're also foody, eat really well and offer lots of variety.

DD is nearly two now, and after a very very slow six months she will now have weetabix, rice crispies, toast or crumpets with fruit for breakfast, a cheese sandwich, bag of rice cakes/kids snacks, plain yoghurt and fruit for lunch. I can mix these two meals up a bit, she's getting better and better and she starting to try new bits.

However dinner we have four not great meals what we rotate. Cheese omelette, Sausages and mash, fish fingers and potato waffles and breaded chicken and some sort of carb. I offer veg or salad at every meal which she flings away. I have tried roasting, boiling, steaming etc for different flavour and texture. No joy.

The only way I've been able to increase he variety of meals is by giving her something I know she'll eat one day then trying something new the next. We did fish fingers last night, so I'm trying some macaroni cheese with hidden veg sauce tonight. She'll probably refuse it and I'll end up giving her crumpets and yoghurt again but I'll serve half and try again tomorrow if she does.

I also refuse to starve her plus she's on medication that means she needs to eat properly or it could make her ill. So for all our struggles starving it out had never been an option for us anyway.

It's really hard.