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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child only eats beige food!!

201 replies

helpmysonwonteat · 30/01/2018 09:58

Name changed for this one.
Both me and DH love food and cooking, when I was PG I had visions of cooking family home cooked meals and all sitting round the table, and I have tried SO HARD to do this.
When DS was being weaned it took a while for him to get used to purees and then when he did it took ages to get to lumpy food. We tried BLW, he wouldn’t pick any food up. Took till he was 18 months to eat anything that wasn’t mashed up, then one day he decided he wouldn’t eat mashed food any more, so we tried giving him smaller portions of our food. Wouldn’t eat it, completely refused, screamed at the sight of it. Only thing he showed any interest in was nuggets and chips. That was August and he’s refused any other food since other than toast, crisps and yoghurt coated fruit. In the mornings I have to blend fruit and veg into a smoothie to make sure he’s gettting his vitamins.
Health visitor said ‘just offer what you’re having and nothing else if he doesn’t eat’ I did that and he didn’t eat for a day other than his usual snacks. I couldn’t have him going to bed hungry so gave toast - this went on for a few days so I called the HV back and she said ‘offer him what you eat and nothing else for four days, if he doesn’t eat then take him to A&E and get him fed on a drip Hmm
That’s not advice I am willing to follow.
He had nuggets and chips on Christmas day!
Any advice beyond ‘starve him into submission’ would be welcomed - please be nice and I want it to be known I am not one of those parents you read about in the sidebar of shame that sends their children off to school with a mars bar for lunch! We eat really well and if I had my way he would too - he’s little but always has been, consistently on 23rd percentile since birth.
My friends’ autistic daughter is the same, and autism runs in our family (sister is very high up on spectrum) so that’s a worry in the back of my mind as well because he is extremely hyperactive and won’t ever sit still, even when a room full of children are sitting still for song time at playgroup etc.

OP posts:
mummymeister · 01/02/2018 16:23

My mum used to boil veg to within an inch of its life and I hated veg as a child. but once I cooked it properly myself and realised it had not only colour but flavour as well, it changed my view of them.

the only thing that my other non supertaster children don't eat that I do is parsnips and no matter how I disguise them they still spot them. we eat masses of fish - more often than meat in fact. and again, never had fish as a child unless it was in batter sitting on a throne of chips.

storynanny · 01/02/2018 16:29

Look up the thread called "resistant eaters" on herefrom years back
Makes interesting readinng
My resistant eater is now 26 and is much more open to food choices now but still has issues

TheHeraldOfAndraste · 01/02/2018 16:33

My kids eat fine. Their impairments aren't sensory. But it's just pure luck that that's the way it is.

One of my friends has a DD that has severe sensory issues and she brings a packed lunch of things she can eat. She is an amazing parent who never gives up. She's asked my advice on how to get her DD to eat like my boys, but there's nothing I can offer except unequivocal support for what she's doing. Because it's not faddy eating. It's a medical condition needing specialised guidance and HCPs. None of this tough love, no choice, put out a buffet bollocks peddled by smug bastards.

storynanny · 01/02/2018 16:39

Ive posted an update in the resistant eater thread so it should come up easier to find

storynanny · 01/02/2018 16:40

Its in behaviour/ development

waterrat · 01/02/2018 16:56

Research shows that children have to be offered food many times (without fuss if they dont eat it) before deciding to try it.

Its very bad advice to say just give them what they know and like. You need to offwr a mix of familiar stuff they like alongside othet stuff and accept they wont eat the new stuff for a while.

mummymeister · 01/02/2018 17:00

waterrat - I think that you need to read the full thread. the issue we are talking about is supertasters and children with additional needs. its not about a faddy phase. thanks storynanny will take a look at that. my son is now an older teen with no additional needs so at least I can discuss food with him rationally now. doesn't make eating out or family meals any easier but still its better now he is older and we can have a discussion about it

strawberrypenguin · 01/02/2018 17:03

Give him what he’ll eat AND a small portion of what your having - on a separate plate if you think having it on the same will cause issues. That way he can try it when and if it takes his fancy

Toadinthehole · 01/02/2018 17:48

I don't have any advice to offer the OP, but I do want to offer encouragement. I used to be a very fussy eater when young, but I now enjoy my food greatly, love to cook and am a massive foodie.

As a young child I would only eat meat and starches. I would be suspicious of fish, would refuse to eat any fruit except bananas, and no green vegetables. I also disliked dairy products and would not drink milk, eat eggs (in natural form), cheese or similar stuff (as I also had a massive sweet tooth, things like custard or flavoured yoghurts were OK).

I can well remember the viscerial feeling of disgust when confronted with such suspicious articles as tomatos or cooked carrots, and my body used to scream at me not to put this frightful thing in my mouth. I remember one occasion when my mother cooked a dish with a baked cheese topping, and I actually ran upstairs and vomited, simply because of the smell.

My family used to tease me considerably for my fussiness. I knew that I ought to eat better, but I resented the comments because I really really didn't want to eat those things. It wasn't a rational reaction at all, and so no amount of teasing ever made me consider trying new things. I remember my primary class doing a project on healthy eating, and the teacher saying seriously that "there is someone in this class who should be very concerned about his diet". I froze, thinking it must have been me (with hindsight, I realise there were probably another couple of boys who ate worse).

As for how my DM handled it; she was an excellent cook who cooked from scratch most evenings, and so things like chicken nuggets and chips were never on offer. I am grateful for that, becuase I think if I'd had them too often I would have latched onto them like crack cocaine. As it was, I now realise she was very patient indeed, offering me what I would eat, always putting veg on the plate, but I don't remember her ever insisting that I ate it.

At school I ran around, playing plenty of football, cricket and British Bulldog, and don't recall having any ill-health.

I would say that it started to wear off in my teens. My family have always enjoyed their food, and that meant there was always a positive feeling about food. Mum was always interested to know whether we liked the dinner, and when she cooked something new, would always ask whether it should go on the 'again list'. We always ate together, and were a happy family, so there were always plenty of reasons to 'opt-in' if you see what I mean. By my mid to late teens I was making vegitable soups and things like that, and when I moved away from home, I found myself cooking all manner of different things quite naturally. Apart from cheese, which remains firmly off-limits, there is just about nothing that I won't eat.

I do not know if I have particularly taste, but I do have a keen sense of smell, and apparently the two are related, and I was interested to note the comments above in the thread on this point.

So I just want to encourage the OP that all is not lost - if you all enjoy food as a family, and set boundaries without allowing the angst to get too much, there is every reason to believe things will come right, as it did for me, an ex-fussy eater.

Frusso · 01/02/2018 17:56

My children’s eating habits are entirely down to me, so I am very experienced, as happens no, your child's eating habits are down to your child.

I certainly didn't wean my ds onto chicken nuggets and chips. He was weaned by giving him exactly the same that was on my cooked from scratch plate.

Absolutely nothing I've given him or done changes the fact that certain textures make him gag, he can't swallow some other textures, and you can't force feed or bribe him to eat. And he will starve himself rather than eat.

But if you feel you can get him to eat, then sure, give it a shot, Grin I'll pay you.

Toadinthehole · 01/02/2018 18:08

Another comment I'll make as an ex-fussy eater is that none of my siblings were ever fussy eaters at all. I was a massive outlier.

I don't understand that my DM gave me different food when I was weaning, so in accordance with what others have said above, it was probably just me.

Jigglytuff · 01/02/2018 18:15

Oh Frusso I would pay £££. It would be much cheaper than the meals I’ve chucked in the bin or told the restaurant “sorry, he’s not hungry” over the years

DenPerry · 01/02/2018 18:34

This is a comforting thread. My nearly 4 year old will only eat dippers/fish fingers with some variety of potato for tea. He will have veg on the plate, infact he asks for it, but never eats it! He ate loads of different stuff as a baby. I don't stress about it, just sometimes feel a bit shit making him oven food every night! But.. he's fed and eats lots of fruit and other healthy stuff at other times.

LollyLarkin · 01/02/2018 19:11

I make my 2 yo DS fruit smoothies and freeze them in lolly moulds, I offer them to him as a treat and call them “ice cream” and he loves them. It was when his back teeth were coming in and he went on hunger strike so I tried to pad them out as much as possible: big dollop of peanut butter, full fat plain yoghurt, spinach, chia seeds (great for protein and totally flavourless), as well as loads of mixed berries. My DS likes them as is but you could sweeten with a bit of honey or agave syrup to take the sharp edge of the berries.

hazeyjane · 01/02/2018 19:12

Its very bad advice to say just give them what they know and like.

At present that is the advice from my ds's dietician

hazeyjane · 01/02/2018 19:14

I think my ds could spot a chia seed in the next town!

Frusso · 01/02/2018 19:25

jiggly I played along with ds School. They did the usual all kids are fussy, he'll eat when he sees others eat, etc.

It took them 3 months to admit that they couldn't get him to eat even a mouthful of school dinners.
All their experience with children and lunches and the only thing that was achieved was ds dropped a percentile for weight.

So if offyougo or crumbs or anyone else thinks they can do better, then yeah, I'd spend £££.

Frusso · 01/02/2018 19:27

Its very bad advice to say just give them what they know and like.
Also adviced to me by gp, 2 dietitians, 1 nutritionalist, and a paediatrician.

storynanny · 01/02/2018 19:49

Toad-in-the-hole, my resistant eater, now 26, has the super smell sense also. He can come into my house and immediately smell something I have cooked in the last 48 hours, especially if it is something on his never will eat list like onions. Or even smell something in the fridge that he doesn’t eat, with the door shut.
I wish I knew then what I know now. Forcing foods, crying, shouting, begging, etc doesn’t work with a child who is truly resistant, not just fussy.
Easy to say in hindsight, but I really wish I could have been calmer about the whole process.
As well as well developed sense of smell, a consultant did tell me once that my soon had quite a narrow windpipe which may or may not have contributed to the problem.
I’ve been reading these threads out to my family and we are reminiscing about the trauma of meal times and the complicated arrangements we had to make when eating out.
One time that stands out in all of our memories ( except said child, who denies he was “ever that bad”) is a special family holiday to Florida when he was 6. On the plane he announced “ I won’t be eating anything American” And he didn’t. For 15 days he lived off 2 boxes of rice crispiest I took with me for back up and a lot of ice lollies I tracked down in Florida with a familiar label on them.
I really really feel for you all and can only reassure that there will come a time when it won’t be so all consuming.
My son has no health problems or teeth issues now. In his younger days he did suffer from constipation and was extremely late to get baby and adult teeth.
He grew to a respectable height and plays lots of competitive sport.

storynanny · 01/02/2018 19:52

I remember him coming home from university once and letting slip in conversation that he had eaten spaghetti Bol. I was ecstatic and made one immediately. It was turned down on the grounds that it had onions, tomato”bits” in and the meat was touching the pasta. Turns out his version was fried mince with no sauce or seasoning next to a pile of plain pasta. But not touching.

Runninglateeveryday · 01/02/2018 19:55

DD the same even now at 16 , only eats 1 dish and has this for lunch and dinner. I tried and tried she gagged, threw up and would rather starve than try something. The one "dish" is plain pasta with no sauce. I give her an assortment of vitamins daily and she'll drink smoothies.

deckoff · 01/02/2018 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 01/02/2018 20:48

Back in the 70's my older brother would only eat lentil soup, 3 meals a day, for months. He was about 3 or 4 at the time. The GP asked if he was still eating sweets - yes - so said not to worry about, just keep giving him lentil soup til he got bored. It went on for ages and then one day he asked for a sandwich. I think perhaps we worry a bit too much these days - kids are a bit weird and go through phases, it'll probably pass.

Beamur · 01/02/2018 22:16

My DSD has also studied Psychology to degree level and was very happy to tell us it wasn't our fault she was a fussy eater and in fact there were very little we could have done to influence it - she had a unit that was all about children and some of the issues around eating - and basically for most kids it just has to be their own choice in their own time. Which is exactly what happened to her.
I am past being annoyed by all the smug parents who think their great parenting/cooking is why their kids eat well. It's not. Sure, there are strategies you can use to help and encourage them, but you can have 3 kids (as we do) cook well (thanks DH) and still have 3 totally different preferences.

MinnieMousse · 01/02/2018 22:35

I do not know if I have particularly taste, but I do have a keen sense of smell, and apparently the two are related,

This is all making me think much more carefully about my own difficult eater DD. Often I will be cooking something, especially meat and she will start yelling, even from upstairs, about the horrible smell. The rest of us can't really smell anything. I'm comforted that it seemed to lessen with age for you, Toad.

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