Child only eats beige food!!

[helpmysonwonteat]

Name changed for this one.
Both me and DH love food and cooking, when I was PG I had visions of cooking family home cooked meals and all sitting round the table, and I have tried SO HARD to do this.
When DS was being weaned it took a while for him to get used to purees and then when he did it took ages to get to lumpy food. We tried BLW, he wouldn’t pick any food up. Took till he was 18 months to eat anything that wasn’t mashed up, then one day he decided he wouldn’t eat mashed food any more, so we tried giving him smaller portions of our food. Wouldn’t eat it, completely refused, screamed at the sight of it. Only thing he showed any interest in was nuggets and chips. That was August and he’s refused any other food since other than toast, crisps and yoghurt coated fruit. In the mornings I have to blend fruit and veg into a smoothie to make sure he’s gettting his vitamins.
Health visitor said ‘just offer what you’re having and nothing else if he doesn’t eat’ I did that and he didn’t eat for a day other than his usual snacks. I couldn’t have him going to bed hungry so gave toast - this went on for a few days so I called the HV back and she said ‘offer him what you eat and nothing else for four days, if he doesn’t eat then take him to A&E and get him fed on a drip ’
That’s not advice I am willing to follow.
He had nuggets and chips on Christmas day!
Any advice beyond ‘starve him into submission’ would be welcomed - please be nice and I want it to be known I am not one of those parents you read about in the sidebar of shame that sends their children off to school with a mars bar for lunch! We eat really well and if I had my way he would too - he’s little but always has been, consistently on 23rd percentile since birth.
My friends’ autistic daughter is the same, and autism runs in our family (sister is very high up on spectrum) so that’s a worry in the back of my mind as well because he is extremely hyperactive and won’t ever sit still, even when a room full of children are sitting still for song time at playgroup etc.

Sirzy - that's exactly what my DC's paed consultant told us. An elderly doctor who gave the "been there, done that" impression and I virtually broke down when he in effect gave me permission to feed my DC alphabetti spaghetti and white bread (no butter) for every meal if that's what it took to get calories in.

Now my DC is older we find eating out the hardest thing. we stick to mainly places that do plain pizza because that is a food on the list. when we went to florida it was plain burger for lunch and pizza for tea every single day. for 3 weeks.

we also have the food mustn't touch on the plate bit. food is put into 3 piles and eaten in order, always.

ShegotBette.. my DC can actually taste the difference between water from different sources. seriously. we tried it once when DC was 3. DC picked out the one from home, the one from Mcdonalds, the one from nannas house, the one from grandpas etc etc. so the idea of sneaking anything in is a waste of everyones time. it would just have been hurled across the room and that meal wouldn't have happened.

I once put sainsburys mixed herbs in a Bolognese and not morrisons and my DC spotted it straightaway. DC hadn't seen the pot or even seen me cooking it but still could taste straightaway that it was different. this is what a super taster is like.

OP I wouldn't get too stressed about this(hard I know). My DD is a fussy eater. I followed the advice of HVs and all sorts of other things, it just wasn't worth it. Mealtimes became a battle, a few times I was reduced to tears, my DC cried(and gagged)- it was awful. Now I give her what I know she'll eat and offer new foods regularly, she will try some new things now and is slowly getting better but it's taken years.

Crumbs1

Put out a platter of finger food to help himself too without any pressure - mild cheese, vegetable and fruit fingers like red pepper, radish, cucumber, plums, halved grapes. Add some pita bread, some mini breadsticks and hummus or other dip. Do chicken without the breadcrumbs in tiny portions

It's blindingly obvious that you have no experience of dealing with fussy eaters. If it was that easy...^don't you think we would do it?
You sound really really smug but clueless.

Those who have said their kids can taste the difference between same food from different places YES this is him... I call him a brand snob cause it’s always the expensive ones he prefers!
Yoghurt fruit has to be fruit bowl, popcorn chicken Iceland’s, chicken nuggets and waffles birds eye, real walkers crisps none of your Aldi shite etc!!
Also no food touching - all foods on seperate plates even!
This thread is making me feel a lot less alone!

Oh and does anyone else have this... even foods he likes I have to place it in his mouth, he won’t willingly pick it up and eat it unless he’s starving hungry.

Op, don't panic. It is very worrying when you have a child who literally refuses to eat, when they are like this the most important thing is getting calories into them, don't worry about health at this current time just calories. If you know he will eat certain foods the feed him them, spent worry about, it's perfectly okay to feed him chicken and chips. I think both of you probably need a bit of breathing space from it, some time to take the pressure off so just feed your ds what he will eat for now.
My best friend as a child was like this, he would only eat frozen chicken, branded chips, 1 type of crisp, toast and garlic bread and would only drink coke or orange squash. That was it, he was hospitalised a couple of times due to it and the consultant basically said to her parents what will he eat? and when his parents told the consultant he just said well let him eat that. Let him eat unlimited crisps if that's what he will eat so they did and he lived off crisps, chips and coke, after a whole they gradually adds a few more foods in, sometimes y friend would be okay with them and someone's th3y would make him sick. If he couldnt eat them it wasnt made out to be a big deal, no it's definitely not ideal but it's better than starving. Now my friend is 25 and 6' tall. He is still incredibly fussy but eats a lot more now than he did. He describes absolute dread at being forced to eat certain foods as he knew he would be sick. I think thinking of it as d's can't eat these foods rather than he won't might make you feel a bit better about it.

A smoothie is a good breakfast, it gets him in some fruit. Could you add a tiny bit of spinach or something (only the smalest amount)? What about a teaspoon of yoghurt? Follow it with a slice or half a slice of toast so that it is slightly better for his teeth. Would he eat homemade chips? Potatos are quite good for you and I imagine with bread, potatoes and a smoothie he wouldn't be too low in his vitamins, do you think he would eat a chewable vitamin tablet?
Give him his dinner of what he will eat, I think I would definitely lay off trying to get him to eat anything else for a bit. When everything's less stressful you could try very very gently adding a few things. It sounds a bit strange but one of the first things my friend ate was iceberg lettuce because it was crispy and fairly mild, maybe try at lunch on a separate plate giving him so lettuce? I actually think lunch is quite a good time to get him to add things on. You know he has the smoothie for breakfast, you know he will get dinner and he always has the comfort of dinner.

That’s really comforting advice thecowwentmoo
I have so far added the tiniest bit of spinach and kale to his smoothie and went out today and bought bags of frozen fruit with frozen yoghurt bits in it for the calcium (great minds hey)
Love the idea of ‘he can’t eat it’ makes me feel like less of a shit mum, when we are out in public at a party or a friends house and he’s asking for chips and nuggets while all the other kids eating normally I do feel like I should be on Jeremy Kyle!!

And he does have toast after his smoothie and before bed if he’s refused dinner or had an early dinner so I know he’s getting a good brekkie / supper at least

I’d just always include food that he will eat on your plate of family food. It’s normal for toddlers to enjoy saying no and asserting themselves but eventually rewards for trying with star charts etc will be effective, unless there’s something else at play

McCain’s chips only he has 😂 I’ve tried making my own chicken nuggets and chips so many times!! Always ends up with me and DH eating them... or the bin

Our autistic 8yo has a pretty beige diet ... but from potato shapes and chicken nuggets, we have successfully progressed him onto mashed potato with chicken pieces (unbreaded) or sausage, now with some gravy. So he'll happily eat some of a roast dinner alongside us We cannot get fruit or vegetables into him though.

My DP was like this as a child and as a 54 year old he does have a more restricted diet than most adults. Texture is a huge thing for him. However, he travels widely for work, room service always does spaghetti bolognaise which he will eat and he has been a professional cyclist being a British champion a few times. He has learnt coping strategies and will occasionally try new things quiche in May (cheese and ham) and Singapore noodles in September.
Whilst his diet is not ideal, he copes just fine in the adult world and is exceptionally fit.

The freezer is your friend here. It is so much less soul destroying to cook a cheap frozen fillet of frozen white fish in butter, or cook a few aunt bessies vegetable chips, or microwave some frozen mash or sweet potato mash, and have it rejected, than busting your ass and wallet buying and preparing fresh versions.

I remember my son not eating anything unless it was beige - chicken nuggets, spaghetti, chips. My H used to get so upset. I spoke to our GP and she said not to worry! She said he was a good weight, height etc and not prone to illness so her message to us was to "chill".

Later on, he discovered broccoli (little trees) and then carrots and eventually he would eat a roast dinner.

Roll on a few years, he is now 23 and he eats most things or at least tries most things.

I think you are not doing him any favours. I would follow health visitor advice. Snacks for a day is not really going to work obviously. Offer proper food, if he's hungry he 'll eat. A diet of chicken nuggets, beige food. Has to be a certain brand too? Ridiculous. Don't turn it into a battle is a good advice, but remove the unhealthy choices altogether. He will not starve if he doesn't get McCain's chips. Just give him what he'll eat is very lazy imo and irresponsible. Parents are meant to teach good habits for life.

I was that child till around 10. I pretty much lived off chips, roast potatoes, chicken dippers and toast with a few other things thrown in. My mum has worked with kids with disabilities since she was 18 and she thankfully decided that some food was better than no food. I got better with age and now eat lots of things, although I hate mashed food weirdly. I think a lot of kids grow out of this to some extent. My nephew is the same now and if we just gave him what we ate he would gladly just not eat so that advice is nonsense.

Don't turn it into a battle is a good advice, but remove the unhealthy choices altogether

Your contradicting yourself there. Removing what a child will eat is turning it into a battle

I would ask for a referral to a paediatric dietician with a background in dealing with SN and ARFID from your GP. Get some bloods done to see if he has any deficiencies and what, if anything, needs supplementing with multivits. That HV is an idiot, some children will starve themselves rather than eat something new.

You're doing fine with him just eating. Calories are calories. You can expand his menu later with the proper support in place. Without putting him off his safe foods.

Offer proper food, if he's hungry he 'll eat

For goodness sake. Are you not reading the replies from people with extremely fussy eaters? Did you miss the posters who said their children ended up in hospital being drip fed because the child refused to eat? Don't you think if it was as simplistic as you suggest we would all do it? Do you not think we've tried lots and lots of different things? You very obviously don't know what you're talking about.

My DS went through a stage of only eating beige food - baked potatoes, cheese, pasta, bananas etc. I remember going to the Drs and wailing that he had only eaten Quavers that day and the lovely Dr telling me that they were the cornerstone of a healthy and balanced diet 😂😂

He totally grew out of it though and loves food now. It can change - give him what he is comfortable with and offer new foods. We tried not to stress ourselves or him about it.

I am the OP, changed my name back to comment on other threads and because I’m pleasantly surprised with all the replies and reassurance.
I have been feeling like a crap mother for so long, believe me I wish he would eat I’m not one of those mums who are happy for the family to live off freezer tapas. When I have my tea or fish and veg and mash or whatever and he has nuggets again I feel terrible but like PPs have said - if he didn’t eat that he would eat nothing and thats worse.
He had to have a cannula in when he was three months old because we had to have tests to rule out meningitis and I never want him to go through that again unless it’s completely medically necessary.

lemonnaise extreme sensory issues are also very rare. Can't really say the child is part if that category without at least try to feed him properly for a while!
sirzy I don't think it's a contradiction. There's no fuss about choosing and all the tantrums in the world won't get you food that is not available( not home).
OP my son had a cannula so I understand it's really horrible. Still I wouldn't just assume that's what's going to happen. In the vast majority of cases it doesn't.
What do you all people think happens with children in poor countries? There aren't many fussy eaters there .or have they all starved due to not having access to McCain's chips??

So I guess my point is OP at least try. One week of only made from scratch healthy food and no snacks other then fruit and veg on offer. then you can go to the Gp or just give up and say I'll give him whatever he eats

You aren't a bad mum at all blackcoffee. You're doing your best, which at the moment is a small boy with a full tummy. I don't know how active the SN board is these days, but it was filled with wise, experienced posters like Sirzy and MummyMeister. Give posting there a try. I always got excellent advice.

I remember the experience of having to pin down my DS1, while he screamed and tried to bite me/any nurse near enough, to have an IV put in and wear an oxygen mask when he was having an asthmatic episode. It was horrible. He has SN and his language wasn't developed enough to understand what was going on. Definitely not an experience to be blasé about and go through unnecessarily.