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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
HateTheDF · 01/02/2018 14:42

I'm so sorry OP, like others have said we were all hoping for a different outcome.

Please tell your friends and family so they can help support you during this tough time.

I know you don't know us but like others have also said - we're here for you. Many have been through similar so will be able to give you some fantastic advice on moving forward.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 01/02/2018 14:43

If you are married he could be entitled to a share of the money and house. Just be aware of that

whiskyowl · 01/02/2018 14:43

HE called YOU divisive? Well, that's rich. Coz you're not the one who's been sending millions of texts to another person in a committed relationship, are you?

You won't end up miserable or old. You'll find another, much more deserving guy and be happy. If anyone's en route to being a sad wanker here, it's him.

I'm really glad you're financially independent of him.

juddyrockingcloggs · 01/02/2018 14:43

Ah he's a massive twat. He'll be absolutely shitting himself too but firing off nasty bravado to make himself feel better.

I bet he thought he was being really fucking clever and discreet too.

Ah well, have your cry and your rants, do whatever it is that makes you feel good and you'll be all good soon. Remember you didn't ask for this, don't deserve it and you are better than him, he's the shit on yours and your princesses shoes.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/02/2018 14:46

Well even if he hadn't been doing the dirty with Miss Dumfries, he deserved to be kicked into the kerb for that nasty nasty comment about your DD. Ugh, he's vile.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 01/02/2018 14:46

I'm afraid I have to agree with half of what dickfeatures said. You WILL end up old. Old and fabulous without his sorry arse around.Flowers The future is a bright one

hungryhippo90 · 01/02/2018 14:47

He sounds like an absolute wanker “cunt of a princess”....your daughter! He’s the one who’s a cheat!

Fuck it, I want to run him over for you. Horrible, horrible little man.

StormTreader · 01/02/2018 14:48

That message reads to me as "SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! Now what do I do??!!"

hungryhippo90 · 01/02/2018 14:50

I wish every poster on this thread could send him a wind up text or two... just so every time he checks his phone it makes him feel fed up..

InsomniacAnonymous · 01/02/2018 14:50

I'm so sorry, OP. The shock and upset must be unbearable. How old is he btw? A similar age to the OW?

mehhh · 01/02/2018 14:50

What an awful human being he is

So sorry op

He's now clearly furious you have found out

Idontdowindows · 01/02/2018 14:51

Wow, those messages are beyond the pale. You've really seen his true colours now.

SparklyMagpie · 01/02/2018 14:51

In one ear and out the other OP,fuck him !!

How dare he speak about you and your DD like that

The he's shitting it! Well and truly at being rumbled !

Damn right the ball is in your court, but thank god you have your money and your own house...He's just spat his dummy out because he thought he was clever and could get one over one you

Keep strong,I'm happy to message you if needs be xx

blueskyinmarch · 01/02/2018 14:53

What a bastard. If your DD his too?

AgathaF · 01/02/2018 14:55

I'm so sorry.

It seems he's showing his true colours now though.

Sweetpea55 · 01/02/2018 14:56

OP..you deserve better than this,, Those of us who have been there before you all know that there's light at the end and it will get easier.
You're so dignified and calm..although I know inside you must be in turmoil.
You need friends and family now and time to think...and the hurt will get easier,
C'mon girlie,,you can do it,,

MsWanaBanana · 01/02/2018 14:57

Who does he think he is talking about your dd like that? I’m assuming it’s not his dd but regardless, that is an awful thing to say. What a horrible man. Honestly I think you’ve had a lucky escape. It won’t be easy, but take some time for yourself and keep being strong. Get this pathetic excuse of a man out of your life for good.
Also, can you start a new thread after this one is full so we don’t lose you xx

Twinmummymoffat · 01/02/2018 14:57
Flowers
sparklepops123 · 01/02/2018 14:58

Wow what a absolute tosser ! You are well rid, he’s obviously been punching above his weight for a long time, which he’s clearly aware of now. Don’t respond to him he’s clearly trying to get a reaction out of you and he’s not worth one Flowers

RampantRegina · 01/02/2018 14:58

I can’t believe he sent that, and to stoop to calling your DD (his DSD, presumably?) that... it’s repulsive.

There are more red flags here than just the infidelity OP. It’s quite worrying, coupled with the controlling behaviours you have mentioned. Steer well clear. Please. Flowers

JaneEyre70 · 01/02/2018 14:59

Calling your DD that is unforgivable Angry

yawningyoni · 01/02/2018 15:00

IF(!) he was seeing someone, you would have "pushed him into it"!!???
And calling your daughter that vile misogynistic slur!!

What an awful, horrible man he has turned out to be

So sorry for you OP xx

lurkingnotlurking · 01/02/2018 15:04

Op - really sorry this is happening. I think I'm not alone here in sensing what a strong person you are. You and your daughter will be fine xx

Tistheseason17 · 01/02/2018 15:04

Well he'll certainly be a catch for the next woman.... not.
Vile, vile man.
Be proud OP. You've done well. Take him out with the trash.
Best wishes to you and your DD Flowers

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