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DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
Cuppaoftea · 01/02/2018 12:18

Sorry to hear that Op.

You've been so calm and strong in dealing with his betrayalFlowers

LadyFlangeWidget · 01/02/2018 12:19

If I were seeing anyone, you've pushed me into it"
OMG. This is the worst. You are worth a thousand of him. Love and luck xxxxx

purplelass · 01/02/2018 12:19

I'm so very sorry that you've had to go through this Flowers

I've been there - it's simply awful but the best thing you can do is to keep your dignity, which you seem to be doing an amazing job of so far! When my 23 year relationship ended in a similar way I ignored people's advice to take revenge and kept quietly dignified, something I and my daughter are very proud of me for still.

Take care of you, and wishing you a brighter future, one day at a time x

amusedbush · 01/02/2018 12:19

I'm really sorry OP, I'd hoped for an innocent explanation. You seem really strong and resolved about this though, I hope you can hold on to that.

chocatoo · 01/02/2018 12:19

I really sorry to hear that. What a fool he is.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/02/2018 12:19

Ahhh... crap.
I was hoping there would be a reasonable explanation.
Sorry you are going through this.
Many of us on here know what this feels like.
Please try to keep hydrated and your sugar levels up.
The shock will hit soon enough.
And THE. SINGLE. MOST IMPORTANT THING to do is to tell family and friends.
Please get some RL support around you.
They will help you through this.
Believe me!!!!

Gemini69 · 01/02/2018 12:19

Heartfelt warmth and best wishes to you OP... Im so so sorry Flowers

Dizzylin · 01/02/2018 12:20

Sorry to hear this Flowers

HiggeldyPigsinblankets · 01/02/2018 12:20

so sorry you have to go through this, it is so painful,, you will get through it , I hope you have someone you can confide it, for me the support of my friends was what got me through some very dark days

sparklepops123 · 01/02/2018 12:20

God I’m so sorry I’ve been there and it’s horrible. Least you’ve had the strength and courage to kick him out. Stay strong and look after yourself , all the best x

MyBrilliantDisguise · 01/02/2018 12:20

Oh he's a piece of work, isn't he? Did he cry? That's usually the thing they pull out at the very end.

mydietstartsmonday · 01/02/2018 12:20

So sorry to hear this, I so wanted it to have a different ending. You are of course better off without him and it sounds like there are other issues.

New beginnings and you are going to be just fine.

MacNcheese87 · 01/02/2018 12:20

Really sorry OP. I'm so glad you saw through his lies. Be aware he's only admitting to the least he has to, there may be more information that comes out. Just be aware.

I do feel for you. Truly. It's an awful way to treat someone you love, and the pain cuts deep.

Well done though. It's not easy.

geekone · 01/02/2018 12:21

So sorry op Flowers

pinkyredrose · 01/02/2018 12:22

He's an utter arsehole. Sorry you're having to go through this. Well done on chucking him out.

youwouldthink · 01/02/2018 12:23

OP you have shown how strong you are. It'll hurt like hell for a while but you will get through xx

RedDogsBeg · 01/02/2018 12:23

Sorry to hear that OP, I think you knew it deep down but, like most people, hoped it was something different.

Take care of yourself.

PastaOfMuppets · 01/02/2018 12:23

OP, I'm so sad for you, and well done for staying strong against his lies. And to think it's his own fault he got caught, having you pay for his phone he was using to be in touch with an OW. What a f*cker.

purpleangel17 · 01/02/2018 12:24

I am sorry to read the update but you sound like a very strong woman and you will get through this. It never ceases to amaze me how men (and possibly women, I don't know) keep lying right up until the eleventh hour and beyond.
As a little light relief, my ex, who has been an ex for over 3 years now, is still doing it. At the time, he used every excuse in the book for why his half of our engagement photo was on every adult dating site going, why there were so many calls to escorts in his phone log, how the couple of emotional affairs he had appeared in his inbox. It was always hacking or spam or even I had done it to be able to accuse him! He still, even now, denies he ever cheated in any way shape, or form.
A couple of weeks back I dropped our daughters off for their weekend with him and saw a ticket stub for the recent Star Wars film. So I casually asked if he had seen it yet and would it be suitable for our girls to see (12s can vary so wildly). He denied having been to see it, till I pointed out the stub.... It appears he just can't help himself. This time the excuse was he was so tired he forgot he had gone!

Duchessgummybuns · 01/02/2018 12:26

Sorry to read this OP but good for you for not falling for his lies. I know you must be feeling terrible but you’re strong, you can and will get through this. Rally some friends for support, don’t be embarrassed you’ve done NOTHING wrong x

MsWanaBanana · 01/02/2018 12:31

So sorry to hear this OP. You sound very strong and together. I wish you the best of luck going forward Flowers

ObscuredbyFog · 01/02/2018 12:32

Sorry it's worked out this way OP Flowers

You now have a new chapter of your life opening up where you can be free to choose whatever you want to do and it will be exhilarating, but first, you need to process all this. We're all here anytime to support but it will help you loads if there's some real life support for you as well.

Take Care and always remember, things are going to be so much better Flowers

Blackteadrinker77 · 01/02/2018 12:35

Do you have family and friends to support you op?

Sending you a hug x

Liannemaria86 · 01/02/2018 12:36

I'm so sorry it turned out that way OP. You handled it better than I could have. Don't be embarrassed to confide in friends and family, you have done nothing wrong and you'll need a good support network around you. My thoughts are with you Thanks

Fletchasaurus · 01/02/2018 12:37

Oh OP I am so so sorry.... I'd read the thread hoping there was a reasonable explanation. Look after yourself and sending love and support Flowers

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