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DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
diodati · 31/01/2018 23:15

We are obviously all thinking of you, OP, and hoping for a good outcome.

However, if your DH has been unfaithful, please consider working it out before ending your marriage. Easy for me to say but I'm appalled at how often LTB is the common response to infidelity.

BarryTheKestrel · 31/01/2018 23:17

I really hope it was all innocent OP. I hope you're OK regardless.

Leilaniiii · 31/01/2018 23:51

Hope you’re OK. We’re here if you need us.

Palavapalava · 01/02/2018 00:57

What’s happened op? We are all concerned for you x

Sharpandshineyteeth · 01/02/2018 01:31

I wouldn't have been able to hold it in either. Hope you are ok. Xxxxx

ButFirstTeaa · 01/02/2018 01:39

Hope all is ok!

Fullerhouse · 01/02/2018 01:53

Thinking of you op Flowers

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 01/02/2018 03:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ikanon · 01/02/2018 04:42

I'm hoping for the best and expecting the worst Flowers

Fitbitironic · 01/02/2018 06:51

flash and chatty beat me to it, but just to reiterate (as I wish I'd been aware of this earlier in life!), if the texts are deleted, it will be because he 'doesn't routinely keep unimportant texts', or similar. If that's the answer, seriously think about googling software to recover them from his phone, and be prepared to do it, no point threatening it if you're not going to follow through. He's already said he knows what it looks like, so should be happy to either come clean totally or give up his phone for checking, for your peace of mind. If he refuses, you've got your answer anyway. Flowers

expatinspain · 01/02/2018 07:51

OP isn't going to have a thread to respond to if people keep posting. Give her a chance to reply.

RandomDreams · 01/02/2018 11:59

seriously think about googling software to recover them from his phone, and be prepared to do it, no point threatening it if you're not going to follow through

Seriously? How batshit would you have to be to do that? If you don't believe someone just end the relationship, data recovery on a device that isn't yours is pushing it legally.

livingontheedgeee · 01/02/2018 12:11

Sorry for not coming back on earlier to provide an update. It's been a difficult 24 hours.

So, he lied, lied, lied then lied some more but the evidence I was finally forced to present to him was too strong for him to argue against.

We heard:

"I don't know anyone called ....."
"I don't know anyone who lives in ...."
"My phone is playing up, it's losing data, losing messages, I really need to look into it".
" Even if it were true, which it isn't, would you be that bothered"
"I think it's disgusting that you are snooping around on my phone"
"You make me feel like I'm inadequate"
"If I were seeing anyone, you've pushed me into it"
"OK, yes, it is a woman I'm talking to".

I threw him out and I haven't seen him since.

I've put up with a lot from him in the course of our marriage - control related issues - and have always found forgiveness in my heart to put the work in and make it right.

I'm gutted, shocked, hurt, disappointed but have my dignity which I'll be walking away with in tact.

I've messaged the woman. I wasn't rude, just told her the part she's played in breaking my heart and that she's welcome to him. I haven't had an answer.

Although I'm upset writing this, I know what I have to do. There won't be any going back. Cheating on top of everything else has taken things too far.

Thanks everyone for making me feel to supported. I've been embarrassed to talk to my DD or friends about it so it's been invaluable to have a group of people who understand.

OP posts:
beanii · 01/02/2018 12:13

So sorry OP - you're better off without him. Keep strong xxx

HidingFromTheWorld · 01/02/2018 12:13

Oh OP Flowers

Trinity66 · 01/02/2018 12:14

aww I'm so sorry OP but it sounds like maybe this was the push for you to leave anyway? Stick to your guns and stay strong, you'll be fine and when you come out the other end probably much happier Flowers

ImMrsBrightside · 01/02/2018 12:14

Oh OP. I have been watching your thread and hoping for a better outcome. I am so sorry to read this Flowers Sending strength xxx

MrsPussinBoots · 01/02/2018 12:14

Oh OP! Not the update any of us wanted to see but fully support you and your decision. Well done! Stay strong.

robertaplumkin · 01/02/2018 12:14

😔 really sorry OP. there are too many spineless people out there who love to put the blame on their partner. You are better off in the light nd things will get better Thanks

SumThucker · 01/02/2018 12:14

Sorry to hear this update OP.
Hope you're bearing up ok.

s0mewherebetween · 01/02/2018 12:15

so sorry OP! Flowers

well done for not listening to the lies and knowing your worth!

BeyondWitchbitchterf · 01/02/2018 12:16

I'm sorry op :( though from the sounds of your latest update you've let a lot go over the course of your relationship? Is it stuff that - with hindsight - you would have left him over anyway?

NancyDonahue · 01/02/2018 12:17

So so sorry op Flowers

I hope you can talk with your friends and your dd. You need their support and love, which I'm sure they will rush to give You! You have no need to be embarrassed, leave that for your dh. I'm sure mumsnet will be brilliant with any 'what next?' help that you need.

Take good care of yourself xxx

Branleuse · 01/02/2018 12:17

lots of love to you x

Alicantine · 01/02/2018 12:18

Me too here hoping for a different outcome. So sorry OP Flowers