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AIBU?

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DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 01/02/2018 13:10

Oh I'm sorry. Flowers

You've done the right thing though. There's no point in sticking a plaster over something like this. Don't go back. Especially with previous control issues- nope, this one is a dud through and through!

Incidentally he also sounds particularly thick. So good on you for getting shot.

trulybadlydeeply · 01/02/2018 13:10

Oh no, I was hoping your update wouldn't say this. I'm so sorry to hear what has happened. Stay strong, we are all right behind you, and do start another thread if it would be helpful to have us to offload to. Take care.

mummyhaschangedhername · 01/02/2018 13:11

So sorry OP! X

TempusEejit · 01/02/2018 13:14

Sorry this was the outcome OP. Good for you for chucking him out.

Lashalicious · 01/02/2018 13:16

Oh living, I am so sorry you’re going through this. What an idiot he is. You have nothing to be embarrassed about—but he certainly does. I agree with pp who suggest that you tell others. You’re so hurt that your first response is to keep it all in, that would be mine too, but something I’ve learned over the years: You need all the support you can get during this time. You will be surprised at the rallying your loved ones will give and surround you with if you just let them know. Also, the person who is in the wrong almost always immediately spins the story to everyone far and wide to isolate, and dump the blame on, the innocent party.

He has already started blaming you “you pushed me into it” he is a cruel unfeeling ass.

There are much brighter days ahead for you, op, hang in there Flowers

IreadMNinaBritishaccent · 01/02/2018 13:17

Oh op Flowers

Your life is about to get a million times better without him. I bet in time you'll be back here after meeting someone amazing and happier than you ever could have been with Texty McTexterson. Please update us when you are.

He is an idiot who doesn't deserve you. Onwards and upwards WineGin

StormTreader · 01/02/2018 13:18

I hoped this wouldnt be the update but couldnt see how it could be anything else. I'm so sorry OP.

puglife15 · 01/02/2018 13:21

Well he's shown his true colours now OP.

I bet in time you'll think thank goodness you logged on to his account and you finally got rid.

Please tell someone IRL. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Loyaultemelie · 01/02/2018 13:22

So sorry to hear that living you will definitely need real life support Thanks
As for blaming you how awful

RampantRegina · 01/02/2018 13:22

Sorry OP. You have handled things with so much more dignity and class than I managed. I am a little bit in awe of you!

Will echo what others said, and get some RL help. Do you have kids? A job? Sounds as though you know what you want to do and that you don’t want to try and move past it, so hard as it is I would start thinking practically about what happens next.

You sound really calm but be prepared for a roller coaster of emotions over the next weeks / months. That’s normal and completely OK. Be kind to yourself and take care. I promise it gets better. I am almost 5 years out of my marriage with a cheating husband and life has never been better, though it was so hard at the time splitting up. I am engaged to a wonderful man who has turned out to be the love of my life, and who I TRUST. It is priceless. Hugs xxx

HonkyWonkWoman · 01/02/2018 13:22

Two faced Liar!
Been there and I feel very sorry for you. Get your friends and family around you and you will get through this.
He doesn't deserve you! Flowers

QuilliamCakespeare · 01/02/2018 13:25

What a dick. Particularly for the gradual admission as his lies didn't wash with you. Good luck OP. You'll be better off in the long run.

JaneEyre70 · 01/02/2018 13:27

I'm so very very sorry that he's done this to you. Please don't be worried about telling people in RL about this - the shame is very much all of his - and you need strength and support right now, practically and emotionally. Don't underestimate the effect of shock on you. Please take care of yourself Flowers

MrWriter · 01/02/2018 13:31

What an absolute wanker, hope doing ok OP, I'm sure it'll take time.

MotherofTerriers · 01/02/2018 13:35

I'm so sorry. I went through something very similar - it does get better, honestly. Try to get some RL support, and maybe start a thread in relationships, you'll get a lot of help there.

LakieLady · 01/02/2018 13:39

So sorry, OP. I was really hoping there'd be some sort of "nightmare client" explanation.

Hope you have a supportive family and friends to help you through this.

MrsMozart · 01/02/2018 13:45

Oh bugger. I'm sorry lass.

Torvi · 01/02/2018 13:47

Oh OP I'm so sorry. Thank god you found out when you did.

Ickyockycocky · 01/02/2018 13:55

That's rubbish for you OP, so sorry Flowers

ColourfulOrangex · 01/02/2018 14:01

Oh OP I'm so sorry but I'm glad you seem strong enough Wine

GentleJones · 01/02/2018 14:02

Living, I’m so sorry.

If you want to continue on another thread or even need support, Relationships is a great place. Helped me greatly when I went through the same.

Flowers
GentleJones · 01/02/2018 14:03

I do hope you have some RL support to help you during this awful time.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/02/2018 14:08

Gutted on your behalf, OP. You have handled yourself with so much dignity throughout this, you are a class act and he is an idiot. No wonder he's gone to ground.

Hope you get some real life support, you shouldn't feel embarrassed, he's a selfish wanker.

livingontheedgeee · 01/02/2018 14:12

Just had a really nasty text from him calling me divisive and telling me I'll end up as a miserable old woman when my - and I quote "cunt of a princess" goes away to university. That's my DD btw.

Then he had the audacity to end the message with "the ball is in your court now regards what happens next". I asked him not to contact me again and have deleted him from everything I can think of.

I'm exhausted by it so will need to think about the bigger picture when my head is clear. Luckily, I have my own money and own the house I live in.

No wonder my blood pressure is through the roof!

OP posts:
speakout · 01/02/2018 14:14

You have had a lucky break OP.

Take care.