Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
Lashalicious · 01/02/2018 14:14

Oh my. Did you have any idea he was a jerk to this extent?? The way he talks about your dd and you? He has issues!

Lashalicious · 01/02/2018 14:15

He is really ticked off that you found him out!

purplelass · 01/02/2018 14:15

He's angry that you've found him out and is lashing out - try to let his words go in one ear and out of the other.

I'm glad you're financially secure, at least that's one less thing to worry about.

I can't believe he called your daughter that though, just when you thought he couldn't be more of a shit, there he goes... Shock

Fightthebear · 01/02/2018 14:15

God he’s horrible.

DarkNightDelight · 01/02/2018 14:17

He's angry that he's been caught out.

Please stay strong and don't believe the horrible worlds coming from his mouth, he's the "cunt"

Your life and your happiness from now on. Lol at the balls in your court Grin bet he hates that!

Big hugs and I wish you all the best

bobstersmum · 01/02/2018 14:17

I am so sorry it's worked out like this! I agree with Obscuredbyfog, this is now a new chapter of your life, get rid of him and look after you.

MrsWineasaurus · 01/02/2018 14:18

Oh OP I'm so sorry it turned out this way. What a wanker xxx

help1978 · 01/02/2018 14:18

He's putting the final nails in his coffin by behaving like a horrible dick. This must help you in reminding yourself why you're much better off without this disgusting person
We are all rooting for you. Post as often or as little as you want. Do whatever helps you at the moment
WineGinThanks

RedDogsBeg · 01/02/2018 14:18

He's really showing his true colours isn't he? And he thinks you would want to be with him after a text like that?

Sounds like the Dumfries option isn't the option he assumed it would be.

Desmondo2016 · 01/02/2018 14:20

You will alternate between anger and upset for the coming days but hopefully his behaviour (which stinks by the way) will help keep you focussed.

Emmasmum2013 · 01/02/2018 14:20

Good for you OP, I can say with 100% certainty that you are better off without him!! From what you've said about his controlling behaviour and they way he handled your discovery and proof, he sounds a bit of a narcissist.

There's a narcissist's prayer that goes:

"That didn't happen.

And if it did, it wasn't that bad.

And if it was, that's not a big deal.

And if it is, that's not my fault.

And if it was, I didn't mean it.

And if I did...

You deserved it."

Seems to fit his excuses to a tee.

I really hope you're OK, just try to think positive thoughts about the future now and remind yourself of the things you can do without him.
You were absolutely right to get rid of him. You deserve better!

Ages ago I was having a rough time with an ex and I called my friend and asked could I go to her flat for a chat. She knew what was going on so it wasn't a surprise to her. When I got there, by the time I'd got up the stairs to her flat she'd poured me a glass of wine and actually lit a cigarette for me. She presented them to me at the door with a knowing smile. I almost collapsed with gratitude.

So here for you OP, is a figurative glass of wine and lit cigarette (even if you don't drink or smoke) Wine Just to let you know that we've got you :)

Consideredintrusion · 01/02/2018 14:20

Another silent follower now loud with solidarity for you OP. Agree with others he is deflecting his anger at being caught. What he said about your dd is dispicable. He will regret those words forever. And too bad.

LoverOfCake · 01/02/2018 14:22

It sounds as if there were already multiple issues here which were difficult to end the relationship over in isolation but that this has been the breaking point.

I wonder whether his message to you is because the OW didn’t know that he was married and now that you’ve contacted her you’ve outed him to her as well. Entirely possible that she’s told him to do one as well.....

robertaplumkin · 01/02/2018 14:23

despicable! hopefully this disgusting behaviour will accelerate getting over the bastard!

FrozenMargarita17 · 01/02/2018 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoraPirbright · 01/02/2018 14:23

What disgusting language to use about your dd!!! What a foul person he is. You are well rid. Flowers

ICantUnderstandWhy1 · 01/02/2018 14:24

Oh OP I’m so sorry for you .... but he’s shown exactly what he’s like.

Please talk to your DD - my mum came to me with something similar and I supported her 100% - she won’t judge you and neither will any of your friends, everyone will just want to support you. Flowers
Get the girls together and have a glass of wine - girls support each other through times like this! Wine

He’s a twat - and texting you things like that just shows his true colours and you’ve had a lucky escape.

I hope you see how lovely you are and that you deserve someone who will treat you will the love and respect you deserve - not someone like him!

amusedbush · 01/02/2018 14:24

Eugh, what a horrible, nasty fucker. He's angry because he's embarrassed that he was caught.

Hold on to your own anger and well done for deleting him. Your life will be immeasurably nicer without him in it.

MyOtherProfile · 01/02/2018 14:27

The balls in your court? Does he think you're going to beg him to come back?!

LuckyLuckyWoman · 01/02/2018 14:28

Well he's a charmer :0

I hope you've packed all his stuff up and put it on the door step. Tell him if it's not gone by the weekend it's going to the tip

You are way better off without him

Shmithecat · 01/02/2018 14:28

So sorry OP. What a shit he is Flowers

Pfftkids · 01/02/2018 14:33

Sorry to hear what's happened Op. I admire you for staying strong and throwing him out. Please don't feel embarrassed to talk to people you know, you have nothing to feel embarrassed about x

OneDayIWillHaveAGreatUsername · 01/02/2018 14:36

What a hideous man - particularly to bring your DD into this. Sounds like this will turn out to be a lucky escape for you and your daughter. I admire how well you are handling this and the strength of your resolve. Good luck x

Cupoteap · 01/02/2018 14:37

Shock can't belie e he's sent that - how could you refrain from begging him to come back now!?!?!?

Stay strong

UrsulaPandress · 01/02/2018 14:39

What an awful man! You are certainly well rid of that one.