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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
Heliophilous · 01/02/2018 12:37

So very sorry, OP. Don't feel embarrassed. You haven't done anything to be embarrassed about. It is your cheating husband who should be embarrassed. Sorry that this has happened. I was really hoping it would be OK.

Kitsharrington · 01/02/2018 12:38

Look after yourself OP. And please don't be embarrassed to tell close friends and family about this. He created this situation, not you, and you don't need to be alone at this time.

exitlight · 01/02/2018 12:38
Flowers
FluffyWhiteTowels · 01/02/2018 12:40

Oh OP. What an arsehole he is.

You have so much dignity. And you are innovative. He has treated you appallingly. Be strong.

Eatalot · 01/02/2018 12:40

As much as im gutted for you im also in awe of your strength and dignity. From the 'you've pushed me into it' comments shows all you need to know and how he doesnt deserve you. 💐 Xxx

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 01/02/2018 12:40

Thoughts with you op am so sorry things turned out this way Flowers

MollyHopps · 01/02/2018 12:42

Oh OP I really was hoping for a positive outcome for you. I’m sorry Flowers

2017RedBlue · 01/02/2018 12:43

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

SparklyMagpie · 01/02/2018 12:45

Oh OP :( I'm so so Sorry!!

You might not feel it but you come across as a strong woman !!

You havnt pushed him into anything and I can't repeat that enough to you!

I fortunately havnt been through something like this to this extent ,but we're all behind you and you keep moving forward

Could you possibly book in an app with your GP?you shouldn't suffer alone !

I might get flamed for this,but so many women would stay put, you keep walking with your chin up, you deserve so much better than this and you'll get it !!

Keep talking OP,you have support here xx

LambMadras · 01/02/2018 12:48

What a vile motherfucker.

Hope you're doing ok. You sound strong and awesome. One day at a time. ThanksWineThanks

GeekyWombat · 01/02/2018 12:51

So very sorry to read your update OP. You did the right thing and have acted with integrity and calmness in the face of lots of shit behaviour.

Be gentle to yourself over the next little while. I hope you've got some RL support too - this thread is great but a cuppa in person with a friendly face who can listen to you helps too.

expatinspain · 01/02/2018 12:52

What a fucking shit he is! Very sorry to hear that OP. Stay strong. Although things seem awful now, you'll be ok in time. I had a wanker who did similar and tried to blame it on me, even carried on lying when presented with evidence and then went on to gaslight and try to make me out to be crazy. However, my life is in a really good place now and I met a much better man. I'm well rid, and by the sounds of it, so are you. Stay strong and look after yourself Thanks

Thebluedog · 01/02/2018 12:54

So sorry OP, I genuinely thought this one was going to be one of those mid communications

If there is one thing I would recommend you do is to tell family and friends. I didnt when I found out my now, ex dh in similar circumstances, I was too embarrassed to, but I can now see I should have, and his behaviour is no reflection on the injured party. Family and friends are priceless in these circumstances. Don’t protect him!

Amanduh · 01/02/2018 12:54

Flowers xx

PipGirl404 · 01/02/2018 12:55

What an absolute cunt. Sorry to hear this, OP.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/02/2018 12:56

Oh no Sad

So he still hasn't told you the full extent?

corrianderisthedevil · 01/02/2018 12:58

I'm so sorry this was the outcome. Your calmness, strength and dignity stand out a mile from what I've read. See this as a new chapter with no controlling, cheating bastards who don't deserve your love. I know breaking free must be daunting but you sound like you can deal with it head on. Good luck OP and wishing you well in your new beginning Thanks

BlooBagoo · 01/02/2018 12:59

Beeen following this without commenting until now, was really hoping there was an innocent explanation, but reminded me so much of what my ex did to me. Sadly I forgave him a few times before I had the strength to say enough was enough, and I've never been happier. I won't say it's easy straight away, but if you ever have doubts like I did, just remember how you felt at this moment and when you found out, and it really is as bad as you remember (even if your mind tells you otherwise).

Lots of ThanksThanksThanks for you OP.

whiskyowl · 01/02/2018 12:59

I'm so sorry Flowers It is horrifying when you find out, and the first shock is terrible. It does get better. Hand-holding.

Idontdowindows · 01/02/2018 13:01

Bum. :( I was hoping it would have been innocent news.

You look after yourself first now and don't be afraid to tell people what happened. It is not your shame, it is his.

notsodimwit · 01/02/2018 13:04

So sorry OP

steppemum · 01/02/2018 13:06

Oh OP, I am so sorry this was the outcome.
Flowers

Sasbel · 01/02/2018 13:07

Flowers So sorry to read your update.
We are here if you need to rant.

LastNightMyWifeHooveredMyHead · 01/02/2018 13:07

I'm so sorry, OP Flowers

It's no consolation at the moment, but it will get better - hold your head high, keep your dignity intact and remember that it wasn't you who was the lying, cheating arsehole Brew

ohfourfoxache · 01/02/2018 13:08

Oh shit, I’m sorry Thanks

Sounds like it might be useful to have some ongoing support - have you considered starting another thread in relationships? This one will probably fill up x