To ask how you get on with your MIL?

[LoveInTokyo]

Is she a nightmare, an angel, or something in between?

Meh. Mine is okay but she was a massive twat to me whilst I was pregnant, caused DH and I to argue during that time (we rarely argue, he thought I was misreading things as she was very careful to say things when he wasn't in the room but she eventually slipped up and he told her to back off) and then put a massive black cloud on our first week with DD which was a contributor to us both getting depressed (along with our living situation at the time not being ideal). It's not something I will ever fully forgive her for tbh.
She also keeps going on about how things are "fate", which really winds me up, work especially when she said it about SILs two miscarriages

When I first met my in laws they gave my husband and I a cheque as a wedding present. Two days later she took my husband to the bank to open an account and deposit the cheque. It was a joint account...her and him. I wasn't included.

The first Christmas I spent at their house she asked if my family celebrated on Christmas Day or Christmas Eve. I said Christmas Day. She replied " well, we celebrate on Christmas Eve so, na na na na na." It was my first Christmas since leaving my home country.

She told me the reason my eldert had colic was because there was obviously something wrong with my breast milk. She thought it was funny that he was mine because he looked nothing like me, it was almost as if he was someone else's child. If he did something clever it was because he took after his dad, if he did something naughty she would wonder where he got that from as his dad never behaved in that way as a child.

18 years ago she told such a huge lie it almost ended my marriage.

They came to visit us about ten years ago. It was okay. However there was an email sent after the fact that stirred up all kids of bad feeling. In the end I told her I never wanted to see her again and she was not welcome in my house. I haven't spoken to her in 10 years.

I recently found out she has told the rest of the family her version of what happened 18 years ago. Now they all think I'm the trouble making bitch.

Long story short. We don't get along.

Just when you think some mils can’t get any worse they just do.

Please don’t tar all us with the same brush though. Clearly some people are just unhinged

I absolutely adore my MIL and feel very lucky to have both her and FIL in my life, they also get on really well with my own parents and they all do Christmas/birthday presents etc they even buy presents for my sister’s children.

We all look out for each other and knowing that she is always there to talk to or have a laugh with is fab. I definitely appreciate them all the more after reading some of things I’ve seen on here before. I am very lucky indeed.

We got along and I really liked her until I moved in with and married her son.

She refused to visit the house (despite many many invitations) for incredibly petty reasons like “I’m not coming till your couch arrives”

The first thing she said when she did walk in was “Your curtains are all wrong, they look awful” Also a lot more criticism of the newly decorated house. I get she maybe didn’t like it, wasn’t to her taste but it’s bad manners to say it to the persons face! I thought it was quite hurtful considering Dah had to beg his parents to visit and all she did the first visit instead of showing excitement for her sons first house he bought she had to criticise.
She criticised my engagement ring to my face. Again rude.

In each of the three times she did visit she used to bring lots of food for DH. For me she would bring me clothes belonging to DH’s brother she thought DH would wear. They needed ironing and she used to hand it to me.
When she rescued to attend our wedding based on the fact “they wouldn’t know anyone” which was a lie, DH went NC.

Dislike mine.
She plays favourites with her other grandchildren, makes no effort to call or see ours. Makes snidy comments about my children being thin and tries to force feed them (they're perfectly normal/healthy weights, her perception of normal is skewed as she loves her food).
When we are together she doesn't really interact with my children, moans about how tired she is (from all the childcare she gives to the other gc). She's generally a miserable bitch. I'm glad we don't live too close.

Mine is small-minded, racist, homophobic and disabalist.

As long as we stick to small talk she's fine. Just don't talk politics or disagree with her or she will hold a grudge forever more.

She is also very militantly Scottish. And very rude and offensive about the English coming out with some truly awful sweeping generalisations which if she said them about black people (and she does) she'd be in trouble.

Both really.

We get on well and I have spent days just me and her before now. We have similar interests to an extent so always something to talk about.

However, 9 years in to our relationship and DP still hasn't cut the umbilical cord yet and runs back to mummy at any argument.. so which MIL becomes flaky with me for a few days even when me and DP clear up our differences quickly.

Cant stick the woman

She is pushy, nosy, ignorant, manipulative & petty. She makes everything you do a slight against her. Can't stand to see her son (DP) happy and succeeding in his life. If you're ill, she's more ill. Likes to pretend she's fragile, but only for attention from her 3 boys and husband. She's a thief, stole a substantial amount of money from her sister, on 2 occasions (that we know about). She's a drama queen, loves to exaggerate (especially when it gives her attention). Tries to turn DP and I against each other when we have an argument. Hasn't seen or bothered with her GD in almost a year.

I could go on, but I'd be here all night. Her own fault all her boys moved far away from her, we are now NC, and none of her DNs speak to her.

Mine is lovely. She is of her generation, in that she waits on my FIL hand and foot, but she doesn't expect me do do the same for her son. He's not quite a 'new man' but he treats me an an equal and doesn't think that I am his servant.
I consider that my lovely DH is a product of their upbringing, so in my eyes they can do no wrong!

Next easy-peasy Daily Mail article?

FWIW loved mine as DP loved mine.

Love mine! If anything DH got the rough deal when it came to MiLs

We have a very strained relationship.

She is incredibly insensitive and very, very bossy and controlling. Everything has to be done her way - not just big decisions like "Where will we go today and what will we do?" but really small, insignificant stuff like the way that the coffee is spooned out of the jar (BIL got literally screamed at over Christmas for doing this wrong) or the way the dishwasher is stacked (everything has to be washed by hand, and then washed again). If you are in the middle of a conversation, she will interrupt by repeating your name over and over again at increasing volume until you stop talking, when she will make an utterly stupid joke that isn't even funny. She has no ability to relate to anyone as an actual person and generally treats us all as if we are about 9 years old. She is also the kind of woman who is liable to scream or shriek suddenly, which I absolutely hate because it makes me jump.

The first two hours or so is OK, and then it starts to grind you down terribly. It's undermining, nerve-shredding and ultimately upsetting. We used to visit for 5 days straight and by day 3 I was having suicidal thoughts, and DH was literally throwing up with anxiety. We ended up having a serious conversation about how neither of us was able to cope, and we now only visit for much shorter times, with stricter boundaries.

Mine is mostly very lovely. She has upset me on ocasions but so has my husband! Over the years we’ve learnt to assume the best and that no one meant offence (her as well as me). This works because we are basically kind people.

I also have boys, one day I will be the MIL and I hope my children’s partners give me the benefit of the doubt

Mines fine. We aren't very close(but neither is DP) and she's a bit mad and gets confused a bit but perfectly nice.

Example of madness is her telling me Katie (name of her niece) is pregnant. I was confused for a few moments and said I didn't even know she was with anyone. She meant Kate. Kate Middleton. Like we know her.

I get on really well with mine but she can be full on and a little suffocating in her affections - always hugging us etc. I struggle with this as my relationship with my DM is strained.

MIL loves her DC and DGC to a fault and can sometimes be quite needy. We left an event (there were loads of us there) once without seeing her to say goodbye (wrestling DS who is 3 out the door away from his cousins) and she called me thinking she had done something wrong and then posted on FB worrying about having upset anyone. DH called her to tell her we simply didn't see her! She was fine after that.

She can be needy and suffocating but ultimately the only thing she is guilty of is loving her DC and she loves me too. And i love her back.

I wish we could edit!

To prove I can't to anything to make mine happy, she told me I don't wash grapes the right way...

Whiskywhisky same here you sum up how we've feel too. How is your dh generally? Mine has low self esteem... Was brought up to be totally subordinate... I feel suicidal after only a few hours!

No longer with us,and we were from quite different backgrounds and had different views on a fair few things but she was an absolutely lovely MIL and gran .We lived nearby for may years,but she helped when asked and never intruded.I'm sure there were a fair few things I did as a mum she would have done differently,but she never criticised or offered advice. She once said I won't keep asking,but you tell me when you're busy and would like to come for a meal.And we always could.Her roast dinners were fantastic.Lucky us!was only thinking about her a lot today due to another thread where OP is worried about PILs moving near to them,and worrying about them getting over involved.I count my blessings and only wish my DC s had the same support.

Look. If you found yourself working beside a woman from a completely different generation, background and life experience to you, would you expect to be best friends? Would you take to heart any tactless thing they might say or get outraged because they have different opinions to you? No, you wouldn't. You'd be polite and cordial and maybe have a cup of tea together. So why would your mil be any different? You probably spend longer with the woman beside you at work than you do with your mil as well.

And you'd probably give her the benefit of the doubt more often than not too. Ditto mil.

It is tricky though you know being a mil.

You can get so bogged down with respecting boundaries when you want to dive in and help.

I think they key is treating each adult as they want to be treated so my one dil will love it if I dive in and clean the bathroom or iron but the other equally lovely one wouldn’t like that so I
Wouldn’t dream of doing so unless asked.

It does seem to me though that the treating other people as they wish to be treated does soon to go one way only in this particular relationship......