To ask how you get on with your MIL?

[LoveInTokyo]

Is she a nightmare, an angel, or something in between?

She's friendly and wouldn't hurt a fly but is incredibly irritating and I tend to start running out of patience if I spend more than a couple of days with her

That's exactly what my MIL is like. Although she's also very interfering, questions whatever decisions we make. It drives me crazy.

My MIL tried to stop the wedding, sent abusive emails and letters and tries to lecture me about a blood disorder I have. She called up every Saturday for a month and spent hours at a time haranguing DH to leave me and move back home. Her other DIL openly talks about abandoning her when she gets old she has bigger balls than I do but she's never been half as nasty to her as she is to me.

I don't really understand it as I tried everything to get her to like me, I cleaned her house, did her washing etc.

Now I'm pregnant she loves me. I haven't visited her in three years and we have invitation after invitation now and offers for money for the baby. DH is fond of her so I'll stay quiet. I will never forget though.

Mines a dick!
Recently fell out with her when she tried to justify BIL burgling the mother of his child because he had a key (that he also stole btw)
She enables her grown up addict DC by giving them money.
Does pop round to see her Dgc but rather than interact with the kids she sits and offloads all of the bullshit BIL &SIL put her through.
Going nc seems to be my next move.

Mine's a nice enough lady and helps us out a lot with the kids for which I am eternally grateful.

However we don't really have much in common and struggle to find things to talk about other than the kids. I would never go out to lunch with her or anything like that which I know she does with her other DiL.

Mine is OK I guess. There's a significant cultural and generational divide between us and I've been hurt by her approach to important family events before, but she's not a mean person and she cares for me in her own way. And she doesn't interfere at all. I've lowered my expectations so there's no more disappointment. I still get irritated by her very easily but I keep a friendly face on and roll my eyes in private, as I know she doesn't mean to wind me up.

"OK I guess" is fine! Why would you expect anything else?

I think one of the reasons MILs get such a hard time is that people's expectations are too high. (Excepting proper horrible people, of course)

What an interesting thread, I do hope All those who say mn is Mil hating have a glance at this...

Anyway, zero relationship. Had to go low contact ages ago, tried again when I had cancer scare but sadly her personality gets in the way, no respect for boundaries, makes horrid comments... Always up tight and judgemental... She just isn't pleasant to be around... Makes every occasion miserable.

"OK I guess" is fine! Why would you expect anything else?

Completely agree. It seems MN expect a at times MIL to be some sort of saint who is some sort of super human.

Scoffs at expectations too high expects basic respect and to be a treated like an adult not extension of son whom many mils have strange relationships with.

Mine was lovely and I think I am too! My dils calls me the best mil and nanna in the world so I take that as pretty booody good.

Love my dils

Oh yes a Saint who doesn't barge into delivery rooms to snatch baby using doctors Id card (that one made the news), saints not to let themselves into thier adult children's houses and rifle through thier personal drawers, expect to be seen all the time, undermine their dils with newborns... Try and ram thier ideals on everything down dils throats.. Etc etc etc.

Mine is utterly lovely, I adore her and we're close. My DM died a couple of months before DP and I got together, and when I met his mum, it was like having a 2nd mum of my own.

She's clever, funny, kind, non-judgmental, wise and very tolerant. We have a lot in common and the only things we disagree about are Brexit and the royal family.

The only downside to her is that she loves to cook for the whole extended family. This would be fine, but she's a dreadful cook and we have to eat inedible meals and be polite to avoid hurting her feelings.

lakie sorry the cooking thing made me laugh. Bless her.

Mine is ok but I hate father in law and she desperately tries to force him on me. If she would give up and focus on building a relationship just the two of us, things would be better but I think he is a controlling arse and she’s not allowed to. It makes me sad, especially as my own DM is dead and I could really use the help with the children, just not at the cost of having to endure his company.

P.S if you are from the Daily Mail...pick me, pick me!! Might help get the message across if she saw it in her favourite rag!!

Mine

• is Hyacinth Bucket
• voted Brexit
• is a sulker if she's not centre of attention
• thinks DH is too good for me (for context: I did my degree at Oxford so it's not like I'm some tramp he dragged in...)
• isn't that interested in our DSes
• has millions of health issues which could easily be solved by e.g. a knee replacement ('but I won't wear a catheter!' for a few hours).
• hates my side of the family for no reason (or a made up reason)
• cries when we stand up to her
• commented on my size in my wedding dress (I was a size 8)
• I could go on

Sigh. We don't see much of them.

Mine unfortunately died last June but she was wonderful and I miss her dearly. She used to stay up late as I did and if I could see she was awake (by looking on her Facebook messenger - she loved to play the games on Facebook) I used to text or phone her and we would have these lovely chats in the early hours. She would've done anything for us. I have some fab memories of the beautiful Christmasses she hosted for us and the family. I really really miss her and still get upset when I realise she's gone forever

Mine is a very nice but outspoken woman and accomplished professional. Alarmingly we are very similar. That isn't always a good thing.

Things were stilted for a while. Pil live hours away in a rural area so when we saw them it was generally to stay their house for the weekend. They're not especially warm people and having guests is hard for them so staying with them was not the best way to get to know them. Eventually we bought a small second home near where they live and seeing them more often without having to stay with them has been the key to having a warmer and more relaxed relationship.

We may not be the very best of mates but both pil are fabulous parents and upstanding folk, I can't fault them.

Absolutely lovely. And my FIL asked why i was with his son as I could do much better !!

*ok, technically MOL and FOL as not actually married....

(Lol, to clarify I'm not that nice nor am I accomplished. Mil and I are similar in that we are both a bit twitchy about our personal space, both good cooks, similar political/social outlook, both quiet and enjoy our own company, both a bit judgy and irritating. )

I got on really well with my MIL - she was supportive, helpful, caring and gave good advice - and if she felt it was justified, she would take dh to task about things - she wasn't automatically on his side, if you see what I mean.

I loved spending time with her - she was a pleasure as a guest and as a hostess, and we used to look forward to visiting her, or to her visits here.

Sadly she died of cancer, just before Christmas 2014 - I still miss her greatly.

Hmm.
She's quaint and contradictory and obsessed with the cryptic crossword.
Thinks she's intellectually superior to othes and scoffs at neighbours who haven't visited historical bits of where she lives despite living there for 30 years (they work, live and entertain family) and also at people who go to Spain for their holidays. In her 82 years she has been to Aus once and to NZ once.

She doesn't cook, she expects to be waited on hand and foot, thinks it's a luxury that I have a car and that I am very extravagant. After five mc's it was a shame I couldn't perform.

Anyone wondering why her own daughters live abroad and visit about once every ten years?

She has no idea how odd she is. DH was hungry as a child because foid had to be eked out - there were no money problems and when FIL died (a kind man) she shed not a tear and DH found £1m in the bank and remembered being hungry and unable to go on school trips due to not having any money.

PITA with some undiagnosed personality syndrome making her unbearable. She shouts random words in normal conversation, talks at you for hours about random topics (eg. the "plot" of Call the Midwife, aunty Xs friends daughters fiances bathroom tiles) and wont tolerate any verbal input from the chosen victim, she undermines relationships and reputations through inappropriate public comments and is no support what so ever. Apart from that she is a star.

Mine is a godsend to me at the moment. Very hands on and gives us a lot of support with new DD. She’s very different to my own mum. She’s a total feminist, feisty and talks non stop. She can be argumentative. But she is very loving, understanding and friendly.

I didn't really get to know her as she passed away, but she was lovely. DH was quite young (but still old enough to move out sort of age) so his aunt looked out for him a lot and did/does a lot for him and siblings, and I get on very well with her too. I've never done it, but I could probably even complain to her about DH and she would "tell him off" all of my in laws are quite nice actually, and both our families get along quite well, my dad especially is always telling me to invite them to our family gatherings.

Our families are very, very different types of people though.