To ask how you get on with your MIL?

[LoveInTokyo]

Is she a nightmare, an angel, or something in between?

In between. She can be difficult, judgemental and cold.

But, she loves the DC, she's not intrusive and she means well in most of the decisions she makes. I wouldn't choose her as a friend but she isn't too bad as a mil!

I get on very well with my MIL, we often go out together just the two of us.

I tolerate mine. Just.

Unfortunately she lives 200 miles away which should sound ideal, but she invites herself to stay. When she first moved away she'd come and stay for a night. Now she stays for at least five days. She's moody, can be quite rude, she interferes, takes offence when there's none to be taken and she talks non-stop (usually to moan about someone or something).

Ok - for shortish periods occasionally - same as DH does. All very superficial.

Big backstory to that, which pre-dates me. I've been very sad and disappointed about it - not what I wanted at all. I tried in the early days but eventually had to admit that DH was right disengage for the sake of my mental health. She has quietly done some very cruel things ove the years. She's lived in the same place all her life and has no friends. Her and FIL are very codependent.

Mixed. Mine adores her grandkids and is very kind to them and dh. However she is impossible to read, and I feel she doesn’t like me. It’s subtle things that she does, but I get irritated being around her. So I smile and act pleasant for my dh but if not for him I would never choose her for company.

“So I smile and act pleasant for my dh but if not for him I would never choose her for company.”

Absolutely. Why would you?

Can't complain about mine, nice, polite, always there but never barging in... Already offered a swap to DH

DH's mum died when he was young but I'm sure we would have got on. His dad remarried later on life and she was wonderful, everything I could have asked for in a MIL. She died last year, I'm so sorry DD will miss out on knowing her.

I loved her. She died when DC1 was 14 months old. I am so so sorry she's gone and wish she was around to meet her new GC and to be a part of our lives. We could use the support as well!

Mine always means well, I know that. But it's a very difficult relationship as she's very dependent emotionally on my DH. My FIL died in a car accident back in 2003, not long after DH and I got married. Since then she's constantly relied on my DH for everything, my BIL too, but he's been more able to maintain boundaries.

She loves our DDs and they love her, and I would never want them to lose that, but I can't warm towards her myself. She's always wanted a mother/daughter bond with me, initially she wanted me to call her 'Mum' like she called her MIL, but I could never do that. My DM, for all my difficulties with her, is still my mum, and I had no interest in building another such relationship.

If she hadn't been so keen to develop a mother/daughter bond, it might have been easier to form a slightly less close but completely friendly collaboration for the sake of my DH and now my DDs.

Better than I do with my own "D"M, who appears to have cut me off with no reason :/

AmazingBouncingFerret

That does sound nice, but maybe it's more a reflection on you than necessarily them!

Mine is great. In fact, I'm going away with her and my SIL soon! DH is staying at home.

I'm sick to the back teeth of her. She's a complete fucking nightmare. She uses and abuses DH for her own benefit and he won't say no.(believe me, we've had some rows over this) She's constantly taking advantage and makes him run around after her. She's mid seventies so she could be around for another 20 years. I'll go off my head if that happens. I honestly couldn't cope with another 20 years ahead of me. I've had nearly 20 already.
FIL on the other hand is an absolute an utter sweetheart. One of the nicest gentlemen (and he is) I've ever met. I feel sorry for him. He's been at her beck and call for the last 50+ years and has spent most of life just doing what he's told. Myself and my SIL (well BIL's ex wife) call then Hyacinth & Richard . . . . .

I tolerate her.

She is a bitter, jealous person but she’s had a difficult life.
We’re very different people and I find her rather transparent and immature.

My DH of course loves her, half of the DC love her and the others are largely indifferent.
She’s no great fan of mine but won’t rock the boat as she knows her son adores me and she’d lose him if she were any more overtly malicious.

We keep up appearances but tbh I dread the day my mum dies and I’m left with no family but the in laws (I’m an only child and my Dad is dead)

Mine is lovely. Very matter of fact though- has no qualms on telling it like it is!

I like mine, she is out spoken, it took some time to accept that about her.

She always means well, She is a fantastic Grandma always playing with the DC, All her DGC love her and fear her in a nice way, They know the rules

She’s very distant, never initiates contract with us, doesn’t seem to mind not seeing us and the DC for months, goes away for long foreign holidays and mentions it in passing whenever we finally get hold of her, and rarely replies to texts/calls. She’s very intelligent and is polite and pleasant, if a little awkward, in person.

I would love for her to be more involved, and for her to see more of the DC, but she seems happy with very occasional contact (perhaps twice a year - she lives an hour away by train). I’ve given up trying to include her/expect anything of her because I end up being hurt and frustrated by it, although it still stings when we find out she’s been to our city to see her friend/run an errand, but not bothered to suggest seeing us or the DC.

I love my MIL, she's great.

I’m on the fence with this one - me and MIL have what can only be described a love-hate relationship.

She is incredibly generous with us and the dcs; paying for holidays, babysitting, helping out if she can (still works full time). She can be really good fun to be around and we have some real laughs when all together.

My oh suffers from a few mental health problems, which has undoubtedly rocked our marriage over the last few years. She refuses point blank to acknowledge that he has any issues and is adamant that if I was more giving then he wouldn’t have these problems in the first place.

She is also nothing short of OBSESSED with me having a close relationship with sil, who irritates me so much I want to scream with whom I have zero in common.

I feel quite sad now, if we weren’t related we might actually be friends.

She’s lovely, like a second mum. DM is abroad, so it’s so nice to have her here.

I have 2. No 1 is a Nightmare but we have learned to tolerate each other over the years. Very domineering character. No 2 lovely and we get on great.

I like her but she can be a bit much at times and doesn't always understand boundaries. Her son, my DH, is her only child and she is soooo stereotypically a mother of an only son.

My lovely MiL died last year. She was a kind, loving lady and we had a wonderful relationship. I miss her still.

Absolutely fine ... now.

I wasn’t her preferred type of person for a DIL and our wedding caused a lot of friction. I just stood up for myself and took no shit.

She’s now scared to question anything I do, or how we parent DC, which means we have a mutual respect for boundaries and get along brilliantly now.