To ask how you get on with your MIL?

[LoveInTokyo]

Is she a nightmare, an angel, or something in between?

Mine was nice and we were close until I got pregnant then she started to dislike me, and showed it very obviously! Used to see each other multiple times a week now see her about once a fortnight! From what I can gather my unborn baby is going to be taking her son away from her and it's my fault

Get along with my MIL better than my own mum. We're quite alike and she's a great Nan. Don't know what we'd do without her I got lucky I suppose.

Mine is a lovely lady but very formal, religious and old fashioned. It's hard to have any level of intimacy with her. She is very clever and I respect her but she is a slightly cold and stuffy person. It can make visits difficult but we do try and see her regularly.

She is a doting Grandma but her expectations of the kids are high. She doesn't understand that little kids don't want to make polite conversation over tea and snadwhiches!

I like mine. She is a bit shy and anxious but nothing terrible. My SIL hates her, she can do no right. Odd really as she tries very hard to get on with everyone

Mines ok. There was a few teething problems at the beginning but she was under an awful amount of stress at the time with family members being very ill. The other dil is a complete cf to MIL and threatens her with not seeing the grandchildren if she doesn’t get her own way. I’m not a cf and we get on fine.

Incredibly, she is my best friend (I never thought I’d say that about a MIL!!)

Hate her. She's Evil, (capital E) manipulative, lying, backstabbing, snobby, ungrateful, useless, user - she describes my SIL - (married to her golden son, more beloved than Jesus himself) - as a demon saying not all devils are in hell (mil not religious). She's an abhorrent excuse for a human being. She's 94, I'm looking forward to her dying. So is DH.

Isn't that sad.?

DH's Mum passed away when he was in his late teens. I would give anything to have been able to meet her and have her as part of my life. I love my own Mum dearly but a) she's in another country and b) our relationship is quite difficult and I always hoped I would be able to foster something more healthy with a future MIL, for my children's sake as much as anything else. And of course I would give anything to have her back for DH who misses her terribly and has really struggled to come to terms with her death. It's been especially hard through my pregnancy, not least because she was a midwife - we both often talk about how helpful it would have been to have her on the end of the phone!

Anyway, this isn't a 'be grateful for your MIL because some of us don't have one' post as I have no doubt that some MILs are a total nightmare! But I do wish I'd got the chance to meet mine.

I'd like to have a better relationship with mind but she's just really weird. She's a nice woman but she's not someone you could meet for coffee. I've never spent time with her one on one.

The best way to describe her is hyper. She will screech when she sees us. She gets excited and will clap her hands like a child over little things. Half way through a conversation she will begin a sentence half way through but it will be the topic of a previous conversation. She will buy us things we've already got, for example, a thermometer for our newborn, after we showed her we had one! She once turned up at our house unannounced at about 9:30 one night. When we didn't answer the door straight away, she asked if we were having sex.

All of this is completely harmless, and she's not a horrible person by any stretch of the imagination but she's just hard work.

Nightmare.

She told OH to abandon me in hospital when I had sepsis & didn’t know if I’d have to deliver at 32 weeks.
Shouted at me down the phone a week later then my family when they tried to organise things with her.

Was then pissed off a few months later when her grandson that I didn’t apologise.

Still pulls shit 2 years later when when I try to pre-empt her. Tried to upset OH when DS2 was 3 days old as she hadn’t bothered to meet him but was pissed off we were going to a baby group.

So selfish it’s unreal. Her mother is just as bad.

I can’t wait until we move, I am very LC though.

Mine is great, love her lots and lots.

Had a bit of a cringey first moment when she told me she worked in a school i asked if she was a TA, she's the headteacher- oops!

She's really lovely and thoughtful, an all round good egg! I try and give her equal input and weighting to my mum with our future DS,.

We are very different people but she is a lovely person and we get on just fine. She would do anything for my family and is generous, non-demanding and non-interfering.
We have quite different taste and interests but it doesn't seem to matter.

I got on fine with mine until the DGC started to arrive then she made it clear she had favourites and spoils some of them and not others.

Mine is probably in need of quite a bit of support with regard to her mental health. I don't mind her in small doeses and would be able to tolerate her a lot more if she didn't have such a negitive effect on dh. Her mother is just plain old nasty, apprently always had a horriable mean streak but since her husband died there's no one she'll listen to in regards to her behaviour, which is very unlikely to be age related. Unfortantly she spends a lot of her time tipping poison in mil's ear, which mil always takes as gospel truth and has done a lot of extra damage in mine and dh's relationship with mil despite being utter rubish.

Dh had a miserable childhood at her hands and was denied a lot of professional support when he needed it most. It suited her to have him essentially be a shut in until the benefits stopped. He carries a lot of anxiety and upset from this time. I'd get on with her a lot better if she wasn't the person who dh holds responsible for this. If she was just an acquaintance we'd have a fair amount to chat about in passing. As it is it's a much more like a fly navigating a spider's web trying not to upset her

Mine is amazing and so is my FIL. They adore the children and I know I can trust them when it comes to their safety and welfare. They take a great interest in the children's sports and interests and are happy to have them stay over the odd weekend/holiday. Whilst I'm sure we rub each other up the wrong way occasionally, it never seems to grow into anything other than a minor irritation. We try to be fair with each other and look past disagreements as we would with our own families. It cuts both ways.

Not spoken to mine for over 5 years, she is a doormat and her bloody husband is a buffoon.

I generally like mine but I'd like her a lot more if she just backed off a bit as she's somewhat controlling. She's brilliant with the kids and loves them with her heart and soul so I can't fault her for that but I think in the beginning when I started dating DH she looked down on me and my family because we're WC. My parents were at her house for a dinner and she turned to the other guests in earshot of my mum and dad them said 'don't worry if you can't understand them they have very thick Liverpool accents'.

Another recent example is that she's annoyed with me because i''ve booked a hotel before our holiday rather than stay at her house and have FIL take us the airport. She doesn't have enough beds to put us all up so either me and DH will have to sleep on the living room floor or the kids. We've got 3 flights starting at 07:00, plus a 45 min transfer once we land and will be travelling for the best part of a day and she can't see why her offer is unsuitable.

Angel! Absolutely love her, just like my second mum! (The fact she always sides with me rather than dh is an added bonus )

My DH and 9 month DS have been living with my PIL for five months whilst a house purchase goes through. It's been great. I'm on mat leave and my DIL is retired. He's helped out and MIL helps out in the evening whilst I cook. They have also had him three for two hours so DH and I could enjoy a dinner and a couple of brunches alone. I'm sure they would do more, but I dont want to take the mickey.

She's perfected the art of emotional blackmail!

Been nc with mine for 3 years. Had been a great dgm figure to my dc, her biological dgs came along and she decided she didn't want to be a dgm and walked away!! Dumped them all then cried when we uninvited her from our wedding!! Hadn't seen her for 6 months, we had moved and she hadn't contacted us, rang dh suggesting kilt patterns!!
Fuck that!!

Mine was awful I knew her for nearly 30 years and I couldn't shead one tear when she died. And I cry over anything

Mine died 12 years ago. I miss her every day . She would have absolutely adored my DGDs and they would be even more spoilt than they are now.

Mines just immature, if she wasn’t my MIL I’d have nothing to do with her as we have nothing in common. She favours my Bil who is golden child despite being in prison ( not his fault was his awful ex gf, ex wife etc) She talks about sex as if she was a 14 year old and everything is a competition, she once describe my DH fathers tiny penis and asked if my DH was satisfactory in the bedroom in front of my DH! I hate how she makes little digs at him as well, I could see how the family dynamic was when he was a child and she tried to revert back to it. After my initial shock I didn’t stand for anyone putting my DH down and will counter any comment made to him. So I’m not popular and apparently my DH is under my thumb but I don’t care as my marriage is between me & my DH. We didn’t bother communicating with her for a long time as my DH just didnt want to & I supported his choice. In last two years she was diagnosed with MS and now has constant care as it was diagnosed very late. We’ve in touch now and we actually moved closer to her but she and the rest of the family don’t know we’re 20 minutes up the road. It’s hard I can’t say I hate her as I don’t, I do feel sorry she’s in such a poor way but she can still be an arsehole! She’s more toreable now but I think she’s learnt I hate BS and I will defend my DH. I think she appreciates my DH more but time will tell when golden child is finally released!

Absolutely love her. We don't agree on everything but in 8 years we've never fallen out. We can have a chat about just about everything and she is always willing to offer a hand with anything.