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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour issues AIBU

738 replies

spagbol11 · 29/01/2018 17:47

Need some advice please,
I have a neighbour, she’s elderly but very capable of living alone doing her own shopping etc. Shops are a short walk away, taxis freely available-I have lived near her for 6 months.
Don’t want to out myself but let’s say I’m a beauty therapist, and she calls once a weeks asking me to do her nails, fair enough only takes 30 minutes but I rarely have that 30 minutes free. She also has asked me to take her shopping when I go, I take my 2 children too on one of my days off and I also take her but it’s getting extremely stressful, she is not happy just going to Asda let’s say she wants to go to home bargains, Morrison’s and ALDI, with 2 kids in tow they get extremely bored and I get extremely stressed out and waste a day off running around after her.
Now I work 5 days a week only have 2 off and have housework 2dc (2&8) and a dog. I struggle to keep on top of everything and keep everyone happy but lately am feeling extremely overwhelmed.
For example one day last week she had an appointment in town asked me to collect her at lets say 12-30 I explained I don’t finish work until 4pm, she then made a point of walking instead of taxi and saying she’s exhausted.
4 or 5 times she’s called me to collect her from Train station to collect her at 6.30 or sometimes even 7.30 as she’s been out shopping to a city for the day but can’t walk home.
She has also started to make me feel guilty for planning other things on my day off. Say this weekend I planned to visit my dad and spend the day with him and she was quite taken aback that I wouldn’t be spending that day running her around, I also planned to take my children swimming yesterday which she was also unhappy I wasn’t taking her shopping. My eldest is sick of trailing round supermarkets when we’re supposed to spending quality time together-I am really feeling at the end of my tether with this.
I have been on anti depressants (mirtazapine) and came off them before Xmas and am debating going back on them, have an app with doctor tomorrow as I honestly feel I cannot keep this up.
I don’t want to upset her but I can’t keep going on like this.

Can I also say she has 2 children age 40 ish who visit but never take her in to town or shopping.

AIBU and what can I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
ChasedByBees · 31/01/2018 18:17

Fantastic news!

RestingBitchFaced · 31/01/2018 18:18

Yes! Well done op! Bet that's a weight lifted off your shoulders, keep saying no to everything from now on Smile

cozietoesie · 31/01/2018 18:23

Oh - and make sure your partner knows how you feel. (And your Dad if he's around at all.) They sound to have been bricks through all of this.

retirednow · 31/01/2018 18:26

Both you and your dp need to tell her that you will no longer be helping her, it's not your responsibility she will have to fend for herself, keep trying to call her family or pay for a private slave. Does she look out the window to see if your car isthere, or come out just to see if your lights are in, creepy.

BMW6 · 31/01/2018 18:28

Brilliant !!!!

JamPasty · 31/01/2018 18:31

Wow, that's one heck of an update - WELL DONE YOU!!

scotchpie · 31/01/2018 18:32

Foot - I didn't see OP update, must of scrolled past too quick!!

Original poster
spagbol11 · 31/01/2018 18:34

I’m not sure she must look out and see my car or hear it pull up, but today was weird like so quickly after I pulled up my phone was going. It’s not right

OP posts:
pepperpot99 · 31/01/2018 18:35

Well done spagbol - you did it! you are a strong woman Grin. yay!!!

DPotter · 31/01/2018 18:40

Yee haa! Well done you.
I hope you have a lovely restful weekend!

Bahhhhhumbug · 31/01/2018 18:41

Very well done Flowers . My only concern now would be her saying she hoped your dp would take her this morning - do you think she will now expect your dp to take over,? After all her entitlement knows no bounds. Also with you saying your dh is now doing it l bet she will start meithering him now. But anyway sorry don't want to put a dampener on your great work and lm sure your DP will soon tell her what's what if that happens.

dottybooboo22 · 31/01/2018 18:45

Spagbol... you're AWESOME!!!
Well done!!!!
I'm so proud that you managed to do it at last.

I've only just come in from work and came straight to my phone to see how it was going ( been following from the start) with you. Over the moon that you used the "N" word at last!!!

Keep it up Hun, the first is the worst!

Now do as others have said and block her!!!

OnTheRise · 31/01/2018 18:50

Spaggy, you clever thing! Well done! I hope she's got the message now. Stick to your guns, you've done so well.

MotherofTerriers · 31/01/2018 19:18

Well done Spagbol. Don't forget you've got a lot going on in your life - work, children, partner etc. Your neighbour only has to focus on how to get you to do things for her. She can put a lot of effort into that.
I'm really pleased you've been firm with her - my mum was just like this with her neighbours, and it got worse and worse. She was demanding daily shopping trips to multiple shops - not because she needed anything, she just liked walking round them.

Tighnabruaich · 31/01/2018 19:31

Spagbol I love you! I bet you feel like a huge weight has rolled off your shoulders. Well done, and keep it up! xxxxx

LimberlostGirl · 31/01/2018 19:32

Good on you OP, keep up the good work.

HeebieJeebies456 · 31/01/2018 19:39

well done, OP! [GRIN]

Just watch out for her trying to reel you back in with 'it's an emergency/one off/last time' tactics.

Say 'no' to them all - even if it's 'just' a teabag/potatoes or whatever.

YouTheCat · 31/01/2018 19:49

So she was hinting at you taking her on Saturday even though you had already told her you were busy all weekend? What a selfish cow!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 31/01/2018 19:53

Way to go @spagboll11 - that's a fantastic update.
I know you felt that you had to tell her why you were home early but if a neighbour of mine that had been hassling me so much asked me a question like that, I'd reply "What business of yours is it when I get home or what I do with my time!!!! Now leave me alone and if you want your shopping done, I'd suggest you learn how to use online shopping or get someone else to do it for you, goodbye!"
You handled it perfectly though, well done!

bluebells1 · 31/01/2018 20:04

Well done OP! Great progress. :)

Thebluedog · 31/01/2018 20:13

Well done OP, Asa people pleaser I know how hard this will have been for you Flowers

Tistheseason17 · 31/01/2018 20:14

Well done @spagbol11.
This is just the start. She will do it again.
Block her number as suggested. Don't answer the door.
Both very simple things that mean no discussion, no stress, no confrontation .
Do not choose to accept her attempts- you can stop this very easily be being uncontactable and busy.
Good luck

Original poster
spagbol11 · 31/01/2018 20:38

I feel so much more peaceful knowing I don’t need to make excuses anymore. I feel like I can spend my time as I want to when I’m not at work. I do feel totally drained now but wondering if it’s the tablets making me feel a bit waffy Hmm I will continue being strong and focused. Thank you all again xx

OP posts:
nonfatnofoamlatte · 31/01/2018 20:42

So now she wants to latch onto your DH? Wow! You are doing so well - don't let her wear either of you down.
At first I thought you could tell her you don't want to drive today as the weather is too nice (even if it's not) and you thought you'd walk instead but I think it's a much better idea to just say "no". Even if she pulls the old I'm sick routine, just say no. You owe her nothing.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 31/01/2018 20:43

So I ignored it went for a wee

You selfish bitch! Grin Grin Grin