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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour issues AIBU

738 replies

spagbol11 · 29/01/2018 17:47

Need some advice please,
I have a neighbour, she’s elderly but very capable of living alone doing her own shopping etc. Shops are a short walk away, taxis freely available-I have lived near her for 6 months.
Don’t want to out myself but let’s say I’m a beauty therapist, and she calls once a weeks asking me to do her nails, fair enough only takes 30 minutes but I rarely have that 30 minutes free. She also has asked me to take her shopping when I go, I take my 2 children too on one of my days off and I also take her but it’s getting extremely stressful, she is not happy just going to Asda let’s say she wants to go to home bargains, Morrison’s and ALDI, with 2 kids in tow they get extremely bored and I get extremely stressed out and waste a day off running around after her.
Now I work 5 days a week only have 2 off and have housework 2dc (2&8) and a dog. I struggle to keep on top of everything and keep everyone happy but lately am feeling extremely overwhelmed.
For example one day last week she had an appointment in town asked me to collect her at lets say 12-30 I explained I don’t finish work until 4pm, she then made a point of walking instead of taxi and saying she’s exhausted.
4 or 5 times she’s called me to collect her from Train station to collect her at 6.30 or sometimes even 7.30 as she’s been out shopping to a city for the day but can’t walk home.
She has also started to make me feel guilty for planning other things on my day off. Say this weekend I planned to visit my dad and spend the day with him and she was quite taken aback that I wouldn’t be spending that day running her around, I also planned to take my children swimming yesterday which she was also unhappy I wasn’t taking her shopping. My eldest is sick of trailing round supermarkets when we’re supposed to spending quality time together-I am really feeling at the end of my tether with this.
I have been on anti depressants (mirtazapine) and came off them before Xmas and am debating going back on them, have an app with doctor tomorrow as I honestly feel I cannot keep this up.
I don’t want to upset her but I can’t keep going on like this.

Can I also say she has 2 children age 40 ish who visit but never take her in to town or shopping.

AIBU and what can I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
waterlily200 · 31/01/2018 16:56

Well done spagbol!

fuzzyfozzy · 31/01/2018 16:57

Fantastic!

CoraPirbright · 31/01/2018 17:01

Well done OP!! I am so pleased for you!!

EmpressOfJurisfiction · 31/01/2018 17:16

Yay Spagbol!

ItsNeverEndingIsIt · 31/01/2018 17:19

OMG OP I’m so proud of you!
I feel like I’ve watched this whole process - I want to hug you!
You’ve done so well :-)
Hopefully she’ll leave you alone now! Xx

SusannahL · 31/01/2018 17:32

Brilliant Spag, but but but, DON'T drop your guard.
I fear she may just wait until she thinks you have recovered, and then expect things to return to normal.

She must be incredibly thick skinned so she may not be put off too easily.

tralaaa · 31/01/2018 17:35

Just finished work and popped on here to see if your ok. Well done massive step in the right direction

MrWasheeWashee · 31/01/2018 17:37

Well done xx

spagbol11 · 31/01/2018 17:38

Thank you everybody I wouldn’t of done this without all of your support though xx

OP posts:
ThunderboltsLightning · 31/01/2018 17:38

🏆

FuzzyCustard · 31/01/2018 17:41

YAYYYY...I've been following the whole thread and am cheering your newfound ability to say "NO". Loud and clear. Well done spag....it will never be as difficult again.

user764329056 · 31/01/2018 17:41

Have been following progress. So full of admiration Spag, I can’t say no either, well done!!!

Ninabean17 · 31/01/2018 17:42

YESSSSS!!! WELL DONE OP! another one cheering from the sofa here! X

petmyunicorn · 31/01/2018 17:43

You are a total and absolute STAR!!!! Well done.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/01/2018 17:43

This is such a lovely success story! Well done you 👏

mapmybum · 31/01/2018 17:45

Well done!

Please be ready for some sob story about sons wife not helping etc etc. Hmm

Can you block her number?

FrancisCrawford · 31/01/2018 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whateveryouknow · 31/01/2018 17:48

Dear OP, you need to concentrate on your health and DCs. You need to stop this person from walking all over you. You need to be firm and as everyone is saying be busy with day outs and say you are nowadays do your grocery shopping online and it's delivered to you so you are not going to Asda or Aldi anymore. Think of yourself please.

spagbol11 · 31/01/2018 17:49

I can block her number yes.
Well when I told her I wand the taking her any longer ever again she said oh well I have been trying to get in touch with son and sons wife for past 2 days but no answer. Then she said She was hoping my partner would of taken her this morning but she couldn’t see his car, he’s working different hours today and she was totally ended because she would of happily woken him up even with him being on nights at 9am to post a shitty letter or something xx

OP posts:
spagbol11 · 31/01/2018 17:49

Sorry wasn’t not wand **

OP posts:
spagbol11 · 31/01/2018 17:51

The sons wife works as a dinner lady at school so has a lot more free time than what I have

OP posts:
YouDancin · 31/01/2018 17:54

So pleased for you! Well done!! Flowers

DarkPeakScouter · 31/01/2018 17:55

Well done!

StoorieHoose · 31/01/2018 18:06

Well done Spag. Now get her number blocked!

cozietoesie · 31/01/2018 18:13

I agree with some of the PPs. She'll likely decide that you're having a 'moment' and start again - even if gradually - once a few days have passed. (You're too useful to her to just give up.)

Keep that guard up.

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