To ask what you've done in the past as a parent and now cringe about

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

We've just celebrated our son's first birthday, he's our 2nd baby. We had a lovely chocolate cake made for him and of course plated him up a little slice. DH reminded me of our PFB DD's first birthday. We did the same - had a chocolate cake made for her 'party' (parents and siblings came round) which we dished out to everyone, except DD. Then we produced a sugar free disgusting muffin for the birthday girl herself as we didn't want her having any chocolate until she was much older what a pair of wankers. She's 4 now and today she had 3 Freddo's.

We also took her to the doctors when she was eight months old - because she shivered. It was January in northern England, and we'd just returned from living abroad, in the desert. Idiots

I removed every picture from every wall in our house so they wouldn't fall on our DD. I even considered taping the smoke alarm to the ceiling for 'added protection'

My friend brought her 2 year old for a play date with my 2 year old PFB and brought a toy gun that made noises, when she left I took it off him and hid it due to fear it was too violent and I wanted to keep him pure :) he is now 6 and has around 10 Nurf guns

I used to have one of those bath mats things attached to a seat where there is a duck or something that changes colour if the water is too warm. Well it changed colour if it was warm at all and I was so afraid of burning pfb’s skin with slightly lukewarm water that I insisted we adjust the temp to agree with this stupid mat. Poor ds must have been miserable in those baths.
Unless DH ignored me and warmed them up when I went to warm baby’s towels up and find the completely unnecessary organic cream.
I was a massive twat.

DH and took turns staying up half the night each with DD sleeping on our chest. Wet did this for at least six weeks. That CV was the only way she would sleep. (I would do it again though, as I wouldn't be able to sleep with her on top of me.)

I called my sister in a panic after "picking DD up too fast", worried that I'd caused brain damage...

I once cried my eyes out after a walk with the buggy as I suddenly realised I'd walked across cobblestones and (again) thought I'd caused brain damage.

One time I noticed a crack in the ceiling and genuinely wondered what the odds might be of the ceiling falling down on DD.

I once bought a four pack of baked beans from the supermarket and just froze in shock when I realised that I had been holding them over DD's buggy for a moment. I remember telling DH: "what the hell was I thinking, I could have dropped them on her head!"

I think had a bit of post-natal anxiety...

DH insisted we take DS1 to A&E as a newborn for vomiting up milk. And at the age of one for croup cough. My cringy moments were allowing him to convince me.

Even now DH cringes at every bump and knock DS1 or DS2 take while I have to be the hard cow saying "there's no blood, you'll be fine" or dabbing at their split lips with tissue telling DH no, it doesn't need stitches.

Had to laugh at 'not saying fart' (hate the word!). Ethan (then three) said it and when I remonstrated said "Well Mrs Bean (nursery teacher) asks Who farted? all the time". Hey-ho.

This makes me feel better about 1 page of instructions for DC1 when MIL came while I was in hospital...but

He was 4
And she already had 4 grandchildren

Forgot that for the first bath we gave our eldest I wasn't well and had a moment when I thought I'd used the wet cotton wool ball for his bottom on his face, instead of using a new cotton ball - I started to get myself in such a state and thought it would kill him. DH took hold of him and asked what was wrong - when I told him, he said "oh is that all - he's just shit in my hand" - I looked round and his hand was full of orange poo I ended up laughing so much I was on my knees holding on to the fire place and couldn't get up for a good 10 mins whilst DH was begging me to take him so he could wash his hand

I used to work in a lab where sterilisation has a particular meaning and you would burn a bunsen flame to send germs up into the air when plating up agar gell to grow bacteria. This meant when I did change to bottles I would make them up next to the hob with all four gas flames on just to be sure.
Also when breast feeding i tried to engage health visitor in debate about how nipples aren't sterile nor skin surrounding, and how much sterilisation is really necessary. She looked aghast when I asked about suckung dummies clean so I then veered the other way with the gas jets.

I sucked the snot from my infant daughter's nostrils.

When DS1 was about a week old I took him for a walk along our rural lanes.
About 100 yards away a neighbour was walking her elderly, well behaved dog.
I turn round and avoided her, almost running home, in case the said dog mauled DS.

I wasn't able to laugh about it with her for 6 months.

Forgot to add that I called NHS 111 and asked to speak to a doctor because I had something on my lip which I thought was a coldsore (it wasn't) and I realised I had kissed DD o on the face several times yet day. Because I had read a story in the news about a baby that died from the cold sore virus.

The doctor was really nice about it and told me to stop reading the Daily Mail. (I don't.)

I LOVE this thread! I’ve just had my PFB (IVF miracle) after 17 years of trying but having worked as a nanny/ childminder for the last 20 years has shown me how resilient babies are....... my OH on the other hand, not so much!! My DS got a sticky eye at 1wk and my DH wanted us to take him to A&E. He also got milk spots.....’Phone an ambulance , I think he has meningitis this rash isn’t disappearing under the glass test’ DS is only 2mths okd so I’m sure we will have many more crazy PFB moments!! 🤣

First night my pfb slept through the night, I woke up the next morning convinced he had suffered from S.I.D.s. I was in such a hysterical panic that I immediately phoned for an ambulance, who turned up with a Doctor and the police. ( I was still living in Germany ).
They turned up, blue light and sirens galore....to find one content sleeping baby.
They spent the rest of the visit treating me for hysteria. 😬

My son recently had sex Ed lessons in school. Then flicking through the channels on TV was Babestation, . He said oh is this the sort of thing we've been learning about..
I said yes, but if u put channels like that on I'll know.. How he says. Well son it's listed on my TV licence bill.. Haha.

@Teutonic the first time my DD slept through I woke up in a panic and daren't touch her incase she was cold, it was a horrible feeling.

The only think I can think of is I rang the maternity unit when her cord clamp fell off at 3 days I panicked it was too soon

Nothing to do with the thread but can't help be happy to hear lovely news Mydogsanasshole

When my PFB rolled off her playmat onto the dangerously hard floor aged 5 months, I cried and put an ice pack on her head. It was a distance of about 1 inch

Made an 'operating manual' for our baby to give to my mum -who brought up 4 kids - when she was looking after our PFB for the first few times. We tried to pretend we were half-joking but we were deadly serious. We typed it up and printed out two copies!

Sorry for resurrecting a zombie thread but was re-reading it again today and it's still as entertaining as 2018!

I downloaded an app that kept track of newborn nappies, feeding etc and tried to get dh to get it too so we could link and he would see dc1’s progress at work 🤭