To ask what you've done in the past as a parent and now cringe about

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

We've just celebrated our son's first birthday, he's our 2nd baby. We had a lovely chocolate cake made for him and of course plated him up a little slice. DH reminded me of our PFB DD's first birthday. We did the same - had a chocolate cake made for her 'party' (parents and siblings came round) which we dished out to everyone, except DD. Then we produced a sugar free disgusting muffin for the birthday girl herself as we didn't want her having any chocolate until she was much older what a pair of wankers. She's 4 now and today she had 3 Freddo's.

We also took her to the doctors when she was eight months old - because she shivered. It was January in northern England, and we'd just returned from living abroad, in the desert. Idiots

When ds was little we didnt have a TV (poor rather than snobby about it)
When he first went to playgroup he hated it. The young worker frantically asked what 'characters' he liked? Thomas? nope. Bob the Builder? nope. Fireman Sam? nope. We read A LOT, so I said: 'we dont have a tv but he knows The Velveteen Rabbit, Wind in the Willows and Peter Pan'.
She goggled at me.

apart from that, ds first spoonful was pureed organic apple
dd grabbed a spoonful of Brandy Butter from my hand when 6m old.
I let her scoff it and she loved it :) she still adores butter, chocolate, sweeties, whereas ds still has Christmas chocs from xmas 2016...

Many many idiotic things. Bought the machine that heats wipes to keep them warm, thought the shock of a cold wipe on PFB’s bum might cause long term damage. Don’t know how family & friends kept a straight face.

Called an ambulance for 2 day old PFB. Thankfully the operator was able to politely ask about winding when she heard the "not breathing properly" hysteria and advised I wind him while on the line, and yes, she "saved his life"

If she'd have sent an ambulance to wind my baby, the shame would still be with me 16 years later.

Also kept a list of words PFB could say....from 8 months to 18 months

Made my own ketchup

Left lists galore for now ex-MIL and I can now see her eye rolls very clearly but at the time didn't really get it and thought she was very rude

God I can't go on....it's too shameful

I was useless and petrified - had read the book we were given and tried to do everything to the letter. On one of the first nights home, when I felt crap, a friend had come with her husband and I'd just boiled water to let it cool for the bottles. Every so often I'd realised I'd forgotten the water and it had got too cold, so I kept putting water on and letting it cool (too much) numerous times. They eventually left at around 9pm and I thought thank goodness I can use the cooled boiled water - my partner said I've just thrown that water away and boiling new - I completely let rip like a mad thing

Also my partner decided that a baby would be afraid of the dark so put a blue light bulb in the bedroom so it wouldn't hurt his eyes when he was asleep - it was like walking into a weird brothel - this went on for days until I realise it couldn't be right!!

mamahanji re the incessant talking....

I was SOOOOOOOO proud to hear their first 'mum'

now its all i ever hear:

mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,mum,

what?

i dont know, i've forgotten! gets me. every ruddy time!
and they are 10 and 13 now...

Ahhh this thread is brilliant

This is so funny. Anyone nominated it for classics yet?

I'd nannied beforehand and we were students so didn't have much money for worries, so I don't think I was too bad. I did get pfb weighed every fortnight until she was 6 months and was quite upset when the hv suggested I didn't need to go so often. Dc3 was lucky to be weighed every 6 months.

However I have a very funny one from someone I know's pfb. Apparently they went to the panto at Christmas and pfb is so advanced he "not only understood the children's jokes but the adult ones too." I responded that sounded more like a safeguarding concern to me. Pfb is 8yo, but oh does he know he's pfb!
I've been chuckling about that since it was said to me.

Made DD eat a chicken liver puree thing I foolishly got from an Annabel Karmel book. She threw it up all over herself, me and a shopping trolley FULL of food. The Sainsbugs' assistant kindly gave me two dry paper towels to mop everything up

Apparently I wouldn't let anyone flush the chain from 7pm onwards, upstairs or downstairs, whilst staying at OTHER PEOPLE'S houses too... Sorry family and friends!!!!!

Oh, I did the 'no flush' thing after 7pm too (only in my house though)...but to be fair, there were a few months where it really did wake him up and he'd be screaming for ages. Eventually he started sleeping through it so we revoked the rule, but it was honestly necessary for a while.

I know it's the ultimate crime on MN (we have a toilet brush too) but we have a no flush at night rule unless it's really necessary. There's only one toilet, it's really loud and it really does wake everyone up.

Rushed 2 week old PFB DD to A&E as she had traces of blood coming out of her nose. Imagining all sorts of terrible things.

She had caught the tip of the inside of it with a fingernail! I was mortified when the doctor told me that was what it looked like. Made sure she had scratch mit's on all the time after that .

I still feel bad about this....my own parents do not know this happened. Sworn secret between me and hubby.

I cut his finger when I was trimming his nails at about 6 weeks old. He obviously cried and waved his arms around so the tiny amount of blood that there was was smeared all over our white wall and sofa. I was HYSTERICAL.
Called 111 and possibly over-egged the situation a bit - the person I spoke to exclaimed “babies don’t have much blood - take him to A&E” which didn’t help. The bleeding had stopped by this point (it had pretty much stopped by the time I’d dialled the phone).
Hubby ended up taking me to A&E having a full blown panic attack (only one I’ve ever had).
The staff were amazing.

My eldest was weighed in monthly....DS2 maybe got weighed 2 or 3 times in his 1st year.

PFB had proper choc cake for his 1st birthday, before that I wouldn't give him chocolate.....although thinking about it years later I realised grandad was prob giving him chocolate when he went there 🙈

Ds2 was fed fruit shoots and sweets at about 3 months when I caught eldest trying to share with little bro! Oddly he's never had sweet stuff restricted like eldest did and he will always choose fruit over sweets!

I took my DS to the doctors because he developed ‘white marks’ under his nails which I thought were a ‘sign’ of something.

The doctor laughed in my face and sent me packing. The marks disappeared by the end of the week

Getting banned from entering primary school to change my son out of his wellies & put his school shoes on for him. He was in P1.

Getting divorced twice, moving 5 times in as many years, necessitating my darling kids to change schools twice. Still living with that guilt.

Some of these are brilliant! I have a friend who, when pregnant with her first, told me she'd seen so many people (probably including me) be very uptight with PFB and much more relaxed later on that they planned to 'parent their first child like it was their second'. Result is a very calm, balanced family and a lovely, giggly, friendly toddler.

I also confess I took my PFB to Kumon

Fucking kumon

What was I thinking?!?

DH and I bought a pack fruity ice cream lollies whilst shopping when it was hot in the summer, thinking we'd enjoy eating them in the garden with our feet in 8mo DS's paddling pool. I was so torn between the no sugar thing and the central tenet of baby led weaning being that the baby eats the same thing as the parents at the same time that I expressed some breastmilk and froze him miniature breastmilk and fresh strawberries from our own garden lollies.

@cinereia you win the thread !

I've realised how hugely PFB I am, I still do loads of these, sit in the back seat with DS Ion case he gets sad or lonely. Wasn't allowed chocolate till his 1st birthday party and then it was one cadburys chocolate finger. Fresh nappy after every week etc.

I phoned 111 absolutely beside myself when he was 8 days old because he'd been sick and was a bit pink on his chest. Took him to OOH, pronounced fit and well.ater realised that he'd been lying on my DH who had a thermal too on and he likely got too hot. I had to give the phone to DM to talk i was crying so much. But yeah, baby in being sick shocker! The operator asked me if he'd done it before and I wailed "I haven't known him for very long so I don't know if it's normal!"

Inspired by this thread I have found the extremely cringeworthy manual I created for my Mum and sister when my first born was 8 months old. It includes the following (really rude and patronizing) instructions:
‘Put him in his high chair but be careful not to pinch his skin when you clip him in.’
‘Sit next to him and eat your breakfast at the same time. Do not leave him unattended in case he chokes.’
‘Put him in his high chair, put his bib on and feed him. Make sure you wash your hands first.’
‘Sit next to him and encourage him and make it a fun experience.’
Bath time: ‘Do not leave him unattended even for a moment. Before pouring water on his face say ‘1, 2, 3, weee’ (Pour water water quickly whilst saying weeeee)’
Swimming lesson: ‘Be careful in the pool making sure he doesn’t swallow any water.’
I’ve also helpfully added a list of dos and don’ts at the end including:
‘Change nappy immediately if he’s done a poo and wash your hands afterwards’
‘Never add salt to anything you cook for him’
‘No sugar’
‘If he chokes, whack him hard on the back until good flies out. If unsuccessful do CPR and call an ambulance.’
After all 6 pages of detailed instructions, I’ve cheerfully ended it with ‘Have a lovely weekend!’ What a crazy person I must have seemed.

I did (...ok...do)...pretty much all these pfb things, except with all my kids! I guess that just makes me a twat🤔

Thing is, though, much as I cringe about the timerabling/instruction giving...when I tried to chill out and not do it, my DM gave DD something she is violently allergic to (after 2 years of me saying "she can't eat that, she is allergic) and dd ended up in a&e.

And my dmil insisted on putting all newborns swaddled tightly on their stomachs in a very very warm room to sleep because apparently thy sleep better. No amount of "OMG SIDS" would dissuade her.

And really, one of the only regrets I have about my twattery is the time my very overweight, heavy sleeping FIL insisted on settling and sleeping with my 3mo on the sofa because "what harm is there". I agreedt because everyone made out like I was being a wanker for making a thing f it, and although she is a healthy (and alive) 5yo old now, I still think "ugh, what could have happened just because I cared more about what people thought of me then then wellbeing (misguided or not) of my very very precious baby.

The thing that makes me cringe the most though is reading back over old Facebook posts from the early days of parenting

Yup. Same! I want the ground to fucking swallow me up. People must have thought I was an utter fanny. Every fucking status was baby baby baby baby did xx today. For the love of fuck. 🙈

Left ds1 when he was 6 weeks old with my dm while I went out for a meal.
15 years later she still asks why I needed to leave the number of the dentist for a 6 week old baby

I once decided that pfb, aged about 2 at the time, might get up in the night and stick his head down the toilet at my pil's house, so made my dh find a heavy object to put on the toilet seat. And i put it there and slept much easier knowing ds (who was beside me) wouldn't go and stick his head down the loo in the night