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Original poster

To ask what you've done in the past as a parent and now cringe about

323 replies

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 28/01/2018 22:58

We've just celebrated our son's first birthday, he's our 2nd baby. We had a lovely chocolate cake made for him and of course plated him up a little slice. DH reminded me of our PFB DD's first birthday. We did the same - had a chocolate cake made for her 'party' (parents and siblings came round) which we dished out to everyone, except DD. Then we produced a sugar free disgusting muffin for the birthday girl herself as we didn't want her having any chocolate until she was much older Blush what a pair of wankers. She's 4 now and today she had 3 Freddo's.

We also took her to the doctors when she was eight months old - because she shivered. It was January in northern England, and we'd just returned from living abroad, in the desert. Idiots

OP posts:
AimeeNoOneTheSamee · 30/01/2018 22:28

These are fantastic. I’m still a bit PFB despite my DS turning 6 in May. He was premature and I suffered badly with PND so unfortunately I’ve carried some habits through with me. One in particular that gets a few raised eyebrows is that he has his own washing basket and I still clean his clothes separately to mine and DH Grin

Biboundeo · 30/01/2018 22:41

Brace brace...
I rang emergency service because 1mo DS1 was making weird sounds and I thought he couldn't breath... the operator made me put him on the phone, he was snoring.
Slept next to me with the light on until he was 3mo
Was obsessed with his "virgin gut", a nice friend took a picture of my face when 5mo DS1 literally put his entire face in my plate full off chilli con carne
I made everyone call rice cakes "biscuits" so that DS1 would think they were treats
I laminated little cards explaining why babybjorn carriers were harmful to babies and thank god never distributed one
It took me a month to find the right pair of shoes for 12mo DS1 who had just started walking, bending the sole of hundreds of shoes all over town trying to find the most flexible one

I'm cringing so so so much

smilingontheinside · 30/01/2018 23:13

Fessmess your post made me giggle. I hate the c word and the once my child (in 20's) said it in my presence she got a telling off but it reminded me that I was sooooo strict about swearing when my kids were little and now it's general language for them. Grin

Tunaandbobby · 31/01/2018 00:09

GreenRut that really has had me in stitches laughing.

I called an ambulance for my 3 day old pfb because she had been crying for what seemed like forever about 10 mins and then all of a sudden stopped and settled down. In my sleep deprived brain all I could think is that she must have passed out. We spent a night being monitored in hospital after I had to repeat the story of her crying then settling to about 15 different doctors/paramedics/nurses with them all looking at me like I was neurotic I was completely neurotic. I feel terrible now for wasting their time. (A long time ago now)

I also made everyone wash their hands or use hand gel before they could touch her. I was once out in Sainsbury’s and an elderly lady touched her hand whilst telling her what a pretty girl she was. As soon as she was out of sight I licked my pfb’s hand where the lady had touched her to stop the germs spreading whilst reaching in my bag for the hand gel to pour over her hand. Cringe!

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 31/01/2018 00:28

Crying with laughter at this thread especially the hand licking and the ambulance calling.

However today minding precious grand child I woke him up poking him because he made a choking sound over the monitor!

I had 4 kids and sm 40! It never ends Wink

mummyrabbitpeppapig · 31/01/2018 06:49

Laughing at all of these. Brilliant thread. Also hated people with lots of perfume holding Ds. My DSM wore broaches too!

Camomila · 31/01/2018 07:02

Hahaha you guys are funny!

Apart from giving DS his first bath in cooled boiled water I don't think I've done anything too PFB.

Oh I did get cross at my dad feeding 8m old DS a biscuit but he was having allergy tests at the time and I was scared of eggs.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 31/01/2018 11:13

Dh put baby on board signs on the back AND both side windows of the car. He also took about 5 hours to strap d's in the car. Checking every strap of a brand new car seat for wear and tear Grin

PoorYorick · 31/01/2018 11:51

After he had a live vaccine (the one where you need to double bag nappies for two weeks because it comes out in poo), he shat the bath and I was in fits because he had been in contact with the contaminated water for 0.746583746 seconds before we lifted him out. I bleached the bath, then was in fits in case traces of bleach remained that would burn him at the next bath time. I rinsed it down for about 15 minutes then lay in it naked, rubbing my back, legs, arms and hands all over every square inch to check there was no bleach residue.

I can't believe it's taken me 11 pages to remember that. It wasn't that long ago.

PoorYorick · 31/01/2018 11:56

You know, as funny as these are, it is kind of nice that we're all motivated by wanting to protect our children, and worrying that we're going to do something wrong.

Kokeshi123 · 31/01/2018 12:04

I remember finding attachment parenting rhetoric very convincing-sounding as a young single person--I even remember giving my mother a big lecture about how evil prams/cots/nap routines were. God, what a tosser she must have thought I was.

Thankfully I got all that out of my system before I became a mother, otherwise I would have been the most martyr-mummy sleep-deprived bore on the planet.

As it was, I think I was fairly normal. I do remember having a freakout when my daughter developed a tiny bit of vaginal discharge a couple of days after she was born (the nurse had to explain to me that this was normal in baby girls, because they are affected by their mothers' hormones).

MadameBronte · 31/01/2018 12:28

My BF's SIL was a total batshit PFB Mum. If anyone visited after PFB had gone to bed, they weren't allowed to park on the drive incase engine noise woke PFB. My BF once stayed later than planned, having parked in the drive earlier. As PFB had now gone to bed, SIL asked my BF to push her car off the drive, so as not to wake PFB by starting the engine. When my BF refused (she's very petite and drove a Volvo) an argument ensued, with my BF being forbidden to visit until she was "more reasonable".

MrsFrisbyMouse · 31/01/2018 13:07

Potty Training PFB. Day 3. She came down with a bug and wouldn't stop pooing.... everywhere. I was really sick as well and just about keeping going.

We ended up sitting the middle of the floor - I was crying, she was crying, we were covered in poo - and all because I had a stupid idea in my head that putting her back in a nappy was the WORSE THING I could do...

Husband came home and found us like that - promptly cleaned her up, whipped a nappy on her - and put me in a shower and into bed...

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 31/01/2018 14:11

These are gold, they should be printed and handed out to new Parents .....if only to show that whatever ridiculously over the top thing you are doing.....it has already been done!

vespertillio · 31/01/2018 14:21

I only let my pfb eat organic food for the first 2 years, even when he was on puree and even when we had very little money. I'd make him elaborate meals even when dh and I would be having much more ordinary food - I remember once making a fish pie with organic wild salmon and organic dill for 'his' end of it, and supermarket-bought white fish down the other end, dh and I ate our end and I then pureed pfb's and froze it in an ice-cube tray. DH's face was a picture...I also wouldn't let pfb have any refined sugar, I used to freeze bananas and call them ice-cream. That said, he eats absolutely everything now

Tigresswoods · 31/01/2018 14:39

A Facebook friend posted this morning that they'd prefer people bought their nearly 1y old PFB only books & wooden toys. It's a reaction to the current trend against plastics but it did make me wonder how long they'll be able to keep that one up.

purpleweasel · 31/01/2018 15:07

BettyMorris you have a lovely way with words!

PoorYorick · 31/01/2018 15:18

Even at the height of my insanity, I never wanted wooden toys (except maybe the odd special one). I knew they were all going to get thrown around, smashed, banged, puked on, shoved up noses and all the rest of it. It had to be durable and wipe clean!

SwarmOfCats · 31/01/2018 15:24

Took my daughter to out of hours surgery at 1am because she ‘seemed strangely lethargic’.

To be told “Mrs Swarm, your daughter is...asleep”.

Dick.

Albuquerque · 31/01/2018 15:57

I was a terrible PFB parent, really ridiculous.
One of my things was that I never wanted DS to sleep in a wet nappy, so before we put him into his cot I would lie him on the bed, open his nappy (hovering the top of it it over him) and wait until I saw him do his "night night wee"
Sometimes I was stood over him for half an hour before he peed.
I'd then change him and we'd all settle down for the night.

DS slept through the night at six weeks old but he was on the 10, 2, 6, bottle schedule so I would set the alarm for 6am and wake him every morning because I thought he would be hungry.

I didn't want water to get into his eyes when we washed his hair so got him this halo type thing that went around his head (so his hair was visable) and the water ran off the halo avoiding my PFBs face. He looked a right state (and we have photos Blush)

That's some of my least batshit actions!

StoneColdDiva · 31/01/2018 17:18

I honestly think these are all wonderful and lovely. Nobody should be embarrassed for doing these crazy things, it shows how much we were invested in doing the right thing.

I am "guilty" of loads. Created a 40 page PowerPoint slide deck for my sister - who had two children of her own - with guidelines when she looked after my toddler for the weekend.

Panic bought wall stickers for 2 month old PFB who was not getting enough stimulation when lying in her cot.

Banned TV until he age if 3 and then only improving or traditional programmes such as Trumpton, no Disney ever.

brotherphil · 31/01/2018 17:21

breastmilk and fresh strawberries from our own garden lollies.

Sounds like a great idea to me. But then again people do think I'm strange

mapmybum · 31/01/2018 18:12

My worst things in no particular order:

Sending DS to MIL with half a banana - precut with cling film on. Presumably so she didn't suffer death by over banana? Hmm

Knee pads for crawling baby on hard floor. No they didn't work.

Yy to recording all feeds etc. Thrilling reading!

TobleroneBoo · 31/01/2018 18:22

😂 at over banana

Clandestino · 31/01/2018 18:33

DD 7 months old and was crawling all around the house.
We were sitting in the kitchen, me preparing her solids when DH asked why I wasn't sterilising her dishes anymore, what if she catches something.
I casually pointed at DD who was lying on the floor, trying to share the cats' granules with them and asked if he is certain it still makes sense. Fortunately he acknowledged that at this stage she was exposed enough to the environment to be safe.