Third-wheel friend....AIBU to ask her to get a train home?

[BaldricksTrousers]

So my dp and I were told about this really fun event by a friend of ours. We aren't super close but have been out together a few times, etc. I assumed she was bringing her dp to make a double date so I offered to book the tickets. Turns out she was planning on attending by herself with us, and I didn't find out until the moment I was booking. Event is a few hours away drive.

I dont mind being at the event with her as she is lovely and we do get on well, but no she has booked a night in the exact same hotel my DP and I are staying at. I was planning on doing things with him the day after, just us. We don't have a lot of money so this was sort of our Valentine's/anniversary event and we wanted to take full advantage of being away.

Would I BU to offer to drive her with us to the event but then ask that she takes the train home as we have plans the next day? Or is this mean? I don't want to make this shit for her as the whole thing was her idea, but when I agreed I had something totally different in mind.

OP really should have said at the time of booking or when mentioning hotel 'DH and I plan to stay over for to make a thing of it' or 'will you be ok to get there if your DP isn't coming?' Booking tickets for all three as a group to a place a few hours away had an inherent implication of going as a group. Not saying anything at the earlier obvious times now makes it awkward, but not unreasonable if done considerately, which it seems to be so YABU.

Perhaps though she doesn't fancy a few hours train journey alone at night so would rather just stay and is planning to get the train in the morning anyway.

I think the child here is the OP who describes a friend as a 'third wheel' (doesn't sound as though you think much of her to call her that, however lovely you have said she is) and doesn't have the manners to speak to the friend and let her know they have plans. Sounds as though you made a number of assumptions OP and you need to talk to your friend rather than asking the opinion of a bunch of strangers on the internet.

The friend isn't single.
The friend pointed out a fun event to op's dh. She didn't arrange anything and she didn't invite anyone.

Do you honestly all 'own' the evening if you simply point out something's happening? Look! There's a regatta in a months' time, looks fun. aha! now no one can go without consulting me, without giving me a lift and without spending the whole weekend with me mhuh huh huh huh huh

Oh wait; actually anyone can go because it's a public event. You can tell me you're going or not. If you do tell me, then I still don't get to go with you as of right.. Even if you offer to get my ticket at the same time as you get yours then the only obligation is the one where you give me my ticket and I give you the money.

Op said this woman is an acquaintance of her dh’s. Op doesn’t know her that well, they’ve done a few things together, I believe as couples. Op’s dh is not close to her either. This woman told op’s dh about an event, dh told op, op thought it sounded fun and could be part of their anniversary trip, the woman said she wanted to go too and let op assume it was a couples thing is what I’m understanding from the post, and so op offered to book the tickets thinking the couples would go their separate ways after the concert. Then op finds out at the last minute the woman is going by herself and wants to ride with op and dh. Thus the conundrum.

I think there’s something off about it. Op, tell her to find her own ride. She has no business tagging along with a couple on their anniversary weekend once the concert is done. This is not a close friend of the op’s and she deceived op about the circumstances. That’s how it comes across to me.

Exactly Jux

"This is not a close friend of the op’s and she deceived op about the circumstances. That’s how it comes across to me."

Bloody hell now she's deceitful because she dares to attend an event without her man in tow this isn't the 1930s!

Maybe when OP was booking THREE tickets, unless her maths is a bit off im pretty sure she had an indication that the friend wasn't taking her partner..... hardly deceiving there. And how is she being deceitful. As far as she knows her "nice " friends have booked her a ticket to go to an event together and she has no idea it's suddenly become an anniversary weekend. This was decided AFTER tickets were booked so if anything OP and DP are deceiving friend by not letting her know of their new plans.

Good God some people on here are so suspicious of people's intentions

Don't get so upset unreasonable I am just saying that's how it comes across to me. I said in my post that op didn't know she wasnt bringing her own partner until the booking so your post is misleading...either you didnt understand my post or didnt read it. I have a different take than you, no needto get hysterical. And no, it's not the 1930s, maybe you're the one obsessed with the past.

@lash

It just seemed a bit like your were blaming the friend for misleading the OP and partner regarding bringing her partner when she never mentioned brining her partner in the first place. It was an assumption that OP made. Your comments that something seemed a bit off with it, she should find her own ride and she has no business tagging onto an anniversary weekend were pretty harsh.

1. Friend has no idea she's 'tagging 'along to a couples weekend. OP made it a couples weekend after friends ticket had been booked
2. Telling her to make her own way seems very unreasonable if both parties are going to the same event from the same place. Especially if OP has her ticket. What's she meant to do...wait outside the event place till the couple roll up with her ticket in their car...
3. What's off with it in particular? Friend wants to attend event and suggests it to other friends....I am missing something here maybe

unreasonable I get what you’re saying but I see it differently. I know op put “friend” in the title but she explains that they don’t know each other that well, only a few get togethers, always as a couple. That is key I think.

Here is what op has said:
(1) the woman mentions it to the op’s dh not op
(2) the woman is an acquaintance of dh and even less of an acquaintance/friend to op
(3) the woman is not a close friend of either
(4) she has done a few things as a couple with op and dh so op understandably thinks it’s a couple thing at first
(5) she mentions it to dh, not op, so I think she would assume dh will be involved in going and taking op as a couple

The acquaintance is much more likely to have understood that dh and op are going as a couple from the outset than for op to magically know that acquaintance is not bringing her husband as she always has before in the few get togethers they’ve had. I think you’re forgetting that the woman mentions her idea to the op’s dh. Not to “pass along to your wife about this event and we should go as gal pals.” She didn’t do that.

The only other way to see it is that the woman mentions it to op’s dh as a fun event meaning she wants to go with op’s dh without op. That’s even weirder considering she is an acquaintance not really a friend of dh. Yet she is planning to go tagging along with a couple she doesn’t know that well, leaving her own husband at home (why?) and booking the same hotel, wanting to ride back and forth and spend the whole weekend. B I Z A R R E. If there is a misunderstanding, then op can say, look, we’re celebrating our anniversary weekend and I thought you meant we would all be going to this event as couples, like we always have, which means you would ride with your husband, I would ride with mine, or we would ride together and go our separate ways for the day after as we are staying over for the weekend to celebrate our anniversary, then we can ride back together.

I don’t think op originally thought she was going to have to provide a ride in the first place to this person. Just because dh hears the idea from the person does not mean she owns said event and op and dh are contract bound to go with her to the event, provide rides, make sure they stay in the same hotel for 3 days. I totally get what op is trying to say.
The acquaintance is either clueless or something is off with her.

I think you are presuming that this person is a very close friend of the op’s. Well, she is far from that. She is an acquaintance of op’s dh that op has seen socially 2 or 3 times, always as couples.

Nail on the head Lashalicious

How could friend (acquaintance, actually) ever think it would be anything other than her and a couple? She knew she wasn't taking her dh, while op had no idea of that until it came to booking the tickets.

In that situation, if I were the 'friend' and I knew I was going alone but that someone I vaguely knew would most likely be bringing his other half, then the last thing I would expect would be to hang out with them outside the time of the actual event.

If they offered me a lift there I'd be surprised but grateful.
If they expected me to have supper with them either before or after the event I'd be very pleased.
Anything beyond that and I would start feeling embarrassed.

Sirry for the late reply @lash. I think our views differ and we will have to agree to disagree :)

When me and DP are with one friend we go out our way to make that person feel included as it's 1 night/weekend. We can survive. If it's a good mate of DP or a good friend of mines it's normally me or DP who ends up being third wheel

We have a great time then resume back to our lives when friend has gone :) but I understand everyone's different.

I think OP has abandoned thread

Sorry, didn't mean to abandon thread! Didn't realise it was still going on tbh.

I think Lashalicious really gets the situation.

I don't mean to brand as awkward anyone who by choice or accident tags along with a couple. I would do it in certain situations myself, but only with a few select couples of whom I am close to both or especially close to one of them. The whole mess was caused by me making an assumption, and I get that. But by the time I realised my assumption was incorrect, I was booking the tickets.

BUT after speaking to the friend she informed me that she has errands to run on the way so is driving herself! I didn't even know she drove, this is how little we know eachother. I didn't even have to say anything about transportation. So...I guess it was a lot of hooha over nothing really.