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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School want a letter of apology

674 replies

GlassesOn · 28/01/2018 11:19

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

OP posts:
Chapterandverse · 28/01/2018 11:33

Year 6 - is he about 9 or 10?

I'd be making a complaint to the school over this shambles, rather than a letter of apology!

LovingLola · 28/01/2018 11:34

I would tell them to fuck off.

ChasedByBees · 28/01/2018 11:36

I would complain strongly to the head and the governors. This isn’t on.

Lemontart25 · 28/01/2018 11:38

I wouldn't be happy with any of that at all. Given the way the school have let the charge go & now reinstated it in itself is out of order. As for the being left outside for an hour in the freezing I would have hit the roof with that alone. Regardless of what they had done that is not reasonable punishment for their age. Why not take then inside to the hall contact all parents & cut the training short if it was so bad that afew laps of the pitch couldn't sort.

Sounds much more of an issue with the coach being inexperienced & unable to effectively discipline the boys. I certainly wouldn't let this go just yet without further explanation. Also how can the head threaten the removal of their trip based on such a trivial incident? Especially once you have paid... I would hope that includes full refunds in that instance!

Have you managed to speak with any of the other boys parents to gage their take on things?

araiwa · 28/01/2018 11:38

For them to cancel for the rest of the year ,following 2 incidents of bad behaviour which was punished but didnt work apparently, must mean they were very poorly behaved.

What has your son said about what happened?

ForgivenessIsDivine · 28/01/2018 11:38

Speak to the other parents... hear their side of the story... on the face of it, it sounds inappropriate.

Charismam · 28/01/2018 11:38

I'd be concerned he had such a big ego that he demands a letter of apology!

GlassesOn · 28/01/2018 11:39

God sorry can see how long that is but I didn't want to drip feed with each new post. Thanks for getting through it...

yes my son turned 11 two weeks ago.
Rest of the boys are 9/10/11 years old. It's a mix of year 5 and year 6 players.

My son hasn't wrote an apology yet but I've wrote an email basically saying the above post and asking for an explanation politely. My son is worried he will be the only one without an apology letter tomorrow and the HT will shout at him.

OP posts:
LIZS · 28/01/2018 11:40

I think you need a report of exactly what went on, it sounds like more than horseplay. Would you have been able to arrange earlier collection had you known they finished early? It sounds as if the whole football arrangement is in disarray and needs reviewing. Maybe that would be a more constructive response to the head?

PerfectPenquins · 28/01/2018 11:40

Can you arrange for the other parents and yourself to go in and discuss this with the idiot head teacher? The coach is shit and lazy and shouldn’t be on his phone. They can whistle for their after school charge aswell absolute muppets!

TheStoic · 28/01/2018 11:41

Oh I’d be writing a letter alright.

HuskyMcClusky · 28/01/2018 11:42

So what did your son say they were doing? More than ‘a bit of giggling’?

PerfectPenquins · 28/01/2018 11:42

Then go in with your son in the morning send him to class and speak to the head teacher explaining why there is no apology. Don’t leave your son to face this as they will by the sounds of it bring him in for a telling off otherwise.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/01/2018 11:42

No I wouldn't let it drop. I'm highly concerned that a HT has decided a group of children are lying. What is her attitude when children report abuse at home. "Oh they're lying. This is where serious safe guarding failures come in.
I get the impression the coast is one of those who thinks he's doing you a favor by letting you breath the same air as him.
He doesn't seem in the least bit encouraging. He Seems to have a field of spuds on his shoulder. I don't know about a chip.

You are after all paying £30 per term for this. I know it's not a lot, but It's not a little either.

GlassesOn · 28/01/2018 11:43

Yes I was planning on seeing the other parents and asking their take on it. I work full time and although I do the morning school run I barely see anyone as everyone is in a rush, I'd have a better chance in the afternoons but I'm not there.

Will see if I can get phone numbers or emails from our class rep, it's the year 5 parents I have no contact for as we don't mix usually.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/01/2018 11:44

I agree you need to get together with all the parents.

Namechangetempissue · 28/01/2018 11:45

Sounds ridiculous to me. I would pull my son out of the after school club immediately and would refuse to pay the £10 charge as the club he was signed into did not run in its entirety and that is something you had no control or decision over and is a problem between the school and the coach. You have paid a fee for coaching and this fee covers the times stated. Any changes to times or venue should be clarified with the parents if it will incur extra charges.
I would also ask for clarity on the "naughty behaviour" and what they were actually doing. Were they being silly and not listening or something more serious like swearing or talking bad rudely? To threaten a loss of PGL would make me think it was something extremely serious not just giggling.
I wouldn't be happy at all with the handling of this by thr school and would make a written complaint.

Whowhatwhy · 28/01/2018 11:45

I think you need to take your son to school tomorrow and go straight in to see the head to lay out exactly what your view is of the situation. Assure him/her that you will make a formal complaint to the Governors if there are any further issues.

princesssparkle1 · 28/01/2018 11:46

Can't you take some time off work to sort it at school pick up?

Xmaspuddingdisaster · 28/01/2018 11:48

You need to arrange to go in to see the head. Don’t leave your son to deal with not having a letter! It’s all very haphazard and not professional.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 28/01/2018 11:48

Is there any chance you could sign him up with a local club and withdraw from school football? Maybe other parents would consider ‘voting with their feet’ too. Sounds ridiculous.

Lemontart25 · 28/01/2018 11:49

Can you attend school in the morning along with your son? Don't have him pen an apology if he is adamant of the circumstances. Also do you have any way of contacting the other parents ahead of tomorrow to see what they think & to settle your son's nerves about being the only one without a letter?

I think this is beyond ridiculous they surely have been punished enough... unless there really was more to it. Then in which case I would still have expected a full rundown of the coach's complaint from the school at the time!

GlassesOn · 28/01/2018 11:49

My son and others have stuck to their original story, they were warning up and someone was laughing at one of the boys carrying on a joke from playtime then when the coach told them off it went silent for a few minutes while he glared at them and gave them no more instructions and my son said "this is awkward," (which I've told him was inappropriate and to shut his mouth in future).
The other boys laughed and then they were sat for the next hour and 15 on the benches. That's it. No more to it.

I know that is bad enough but the punishment that's followed has all been a bit OTT, I feel like the coach lost control and now has to follow it through as he would have received a warning I'm guessing.

OP posts:
greenlanes · 28/01/2018 11:52

I know that photography and schools is a touchy area (and actually doesnt have to be) but has anyone any images or recordings of the coach being on his phone during training and his interaction with the pupils? Parents are allowed to record their children for their own personal use. I think irrefutable evidence for the head could be useful to you.

I am often the first to support a school and its staff - they all work really hard and parents dont often see that. But this all sounds off. Even if the pupils behaviour was that badly off the coach should have the authority and experience to have dealt with it at the time as other pps have suggested.

LIZS · 28/01/2018 11:57

So your ds could apologise for being cheeky? What was this "joke" and at whose expense?