School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

I'd get my son to write a letter of apology explaining what he'd done exactly.

I'd then write to the head and tell them I'd expect an explanation in person as to my my child had been left outside in January whe it was freezing as this is unacceptable, also why every week the coach either can't control or leaves early and dumps the children in the after school club - again completely unacceptable
If the coach can't cope with kids they age then leave!
FWIW I'd tell my child they're not doing football again there too!! Completely unacceptable

Surely the school are charging you double if they are insistent on the £10 fee for childcare when your son was supposed to be at football which you had already paid for.

If the football club is part of the after school club, then he's ok, if it's not, then you have consented to your child attending the football, not the after school club.

You would not expect to pay for maths tuition and be taught English. The same applies with his football team.

The payments you make are a little complex too, as essentially most school football teams are an entirely voluntary activity where the person running the team is doing so for free. In that sense, you are not being charged for it.
The £30.00 per term looks to be more like a contribution for footballs, shirts, nets etc (but you'd have to confirm this).
Regardless of it being free or not, there's still a duty of care. Your complaints may well end up in the cessation of the football team, which will then cause another set of issues, but that is not your fault. Setting up a voluntary team like that isn't easy, it's a real commitment (for which a lot of teacher get little thanks) but they still have to honour that commitment to the children and take care of them.
In laymen's terms - if it's too difficult to manage properly, it shouldn't take place at all.

Maybe though, it might be good if you could suggest something positive - and ask if there's a way for other parents to help? That way the kids can still have their fun with football, and this guy isn't struggling on his own with them?

What time does the club end officially and what time did your husband turn up to asc. If it was later than the official end time then asc are right to charge him.
You are right that you need to clarify what happened last time
Your son was rude so should be apologetic for that and write the letter.

Op - is the afterschool club run by SCL? If so, I can quite believe your points.

If it is, I'd also check all the DBSs of all the coaches who come into school are up to date (I used to work in a school office [angry[)

I would ask for a meeting with the school, and turn up with each bullet point you have just mentioned as a question you want answered by that member of staff in front of the head. I would also ask the other parents if they have any issues to raise. I would want to pull my child from that club and demand my £400 back. The staff member sounds incompetant and unprofessional.

You won't be able to see the results of the DBS checks, only verify that a check took place. Obviously, by implication, if they are there, they should have been clear. What you are looking for is anybody who hasn't yet been checked, or their check has expired.
Strictly speaking not all coaches who come into school have to be checked (by that school) it depends on how often they come in. There are exemptions for one offs etc, providing they are under strict supervision of others who are checked. This is to prevent DBS overload with an electrician coming into school for 1 hour to fix a plug socket etc.
Most schools do a check anyway to cover themselves, but those exemptions do still exist.

Yes I've had experience if school using its actions to absolve itself.
It didn't take witness statements as Lee their behaviour plan for a serious incident. (Police involvement). They then changed their story when they could have been in trouble due to paper trail showing they hadn't responded to evens prior to this when requested.
It got messy and basically they got away with it by saying "no evidence that their initial events were true or that they said it or evidence that it happened as ds said it did. But they accept they didn't take statements and will address this if future situations occur".

It's very rare to get a school with this attitude and with extremely arrogant HT. but when you do you'll be fought against at every turn to make sure you're the wronged party.

I know Ob and I have have had similar experiences. It's awful when you're stuck in the middle of it.

Reading on a bit I would send in a letter from yourselves stating that you want to discuss the issue before an apology letter is considered. If the head shouts at him I would want to know why they were so unprofessional in not being able to control their temper around children in their role.!

What you are looking for is anybody who hasn't yet been checked, or their check has expired.- and this is surprising, horrifyingly common. As I said, I used to work in a school office; i was responsible for maintaining our DBS list. SCL were one of the worst,for sending coaches whose DBS 'hadn't come through yet', or whose had expired.

Afterschool clubs will run their own DBS list - but the school still need verification that the ASC ensure their personnel's DBSs are up to date and clear.

Strictly speaking not all coaches who come into school have to be checked (by that school) it depends on how often they come in. - IF they don't have a current, clear DBS they must not be left unsupervised with children.

There are exemptions for one offs etc, providing they are under strict supervision of others who are checked. This is to prevent DBS overload with an electrician coming into school for 1 hour to fix a plug socket etc. - most workmen who come into school will be contractors arranged through the council and their own DBS through the council. If not, they are supervised during school hours.

Indeed, I do believe I mentioned they cannot be unsupervised.
I am just illustrating that it's not always possible to very all DBS's for the coaches who might come in (at least not through that specific organisation) or that there are valid exemptions i.e. What about Mr Smith who came to help out for an hour last year? it's not necessarily a 'GOTCHA!' for the club.

It'll do no harm asking them to provide evidence of the DBS checks though, and will put the wind up 'em!
It's not unheard of for some to have expired (strictly speaking they never expire, but most organisations will have a policy on how often to renew the checks, so they should at least be sticking to their own policies). If they don't have a policy, they need to get one!

Sorry I am out with the kids so I haven't read the latest replies but I have spoken to another parent and she had the exact story and is making a complaint too.

From the OP, it seems the team is run by the school, in which case, the coach / teacher will be doing it in his spare time for free.

Without knowing all the circumstances it's hard to be sure, but I am pretty sure he'd welcome some help. I would imagine he does actually want to help the boys (and girls too?) in giving them a team - since he doesn't have to be running it in the first place, and kids can be a handful!

I'm definitely in favour of not going in all guns blazing, but explaining how it affects parents when changes like this are made.

He's been a pain, but won't do any harm to appreciate he's volunteering to do it, and see if there's anything that the parents can do to chip in with the workload (you'll soon discover most parents scarpering at this point!)

You are not paying £10 for your child to attend an after-school club when he was only there because football training did not keep its scheduled hours.

Then I think you need to speak to your son about the harsh realities of life. That grown-ups, just like children, can be bullies. That people with power use it to oppress people without. That he's writing an apology letter because he's being forced to, not because he means it. And so on.

Parents need to have a meeting with the head and coach I think then. At least you know its how you thought it was now.

Re the £10, don't give them the option. Advise you will not be paying it as you have paid for DS to be a club, not after school care and it is not your problem if they change the arrangements without telling you. They are not going to pursue it for £10.

Jeez, it's primary school football not f-ing Manchester United. So what if they were laughing, it should be fun. The 'coach' sounds like an ass and there is absolutely no way he would be getting an apology, in fact I would want any fees I have paid for sessions not received, refunded. I would pull your son out and find a more inspiring football team for him to join.

Pengggwn OP states what the boys were doing in her posts at 11.49 and 12.14 today. Sorry I can't cut and paste as my iPad is playing up -probablyduetoexcessivemumsnetting-

Strike through fail!

OP I would not be having your son writing a letter of apology, other than a clear setting out of what happened. I would be livid if my DS had been left out in the cold all that time. That on its own warrants a formal complaint. Was he in skimpy football kit? Outrageous. Then to dump him in after school club without your permission? Then to charge you for the privilege? Then to threaten cancelling his year 6 trip? The HT needs their bumps read if they think that’s fair, whatever heinous crime the kids got up to.

And don’t let me get started on the unfairness of collective punishment.

To be fair, we are getting one half of the story, and 'the headteacher pulled them into the office and told them they were lying' is probably a slight exaggeration. Otherwise the headteacher is also a nutter too!

I totally disagree with how he's handled all this, but kids can and do play up, he's just chosen a poor way to punish them. I much prefer the 'jogging round the pitch' punishment as it still benefits them, but prevents them playing football as a punishment.

Abandoning them early and leaving them in the hands of the after school club is a no no, and the after school club should have told him so, but a lot depends on who is running the club (a 3rd party, or the school itself?) - it makes a difference.

Again, I reiterate, that from the other side of things, he's volunteering his time to help the kids, and many parents can be keen to point out all that's wrong, but offer no help themselves.

The fees don't seem to be for sessions, more likely to cover the basic costs of running this activity, which is a little different.

I'm pretty sure the OP said it was an outside agency running the football club.

The coach is bought in from an outside agency my son has since told me. Which would make sense as I couldn't find out his name on the staff list on the schools website