School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

I would write to the head, (make sure it is delivered by hand first thing in the morning) stating you have quite a number of concerns about the coaching situation (don't set them out just yet) and ask the school if they could provide you with an account of what is alleged to have happened and what action has been taken as a result and any further action that is being considered. Advise that once you have received the account you will discuss it with your DS and decide if any any further action, including any letter of apology, is required.

Keep it short. Once you have received the account from the school, you can then submit a complaint covering all of the issues - i.e. being on phone, finishing early and placing your DS in after-school, abusive and excessive punishment etc. But you need to get the school's version of events first.

Do you know why the club finished early that day?

Year six. I thought you meant a six year old. Who'd want to take football training for a bunch of rowdy ten year olds. The guy deserves a medal. I'd be a bit annoyed at the £10 charge though if the session finished early. I doubt if the boys behaved perfectly and the coach made up lies that they were misbehaving.

RowenasDiadem
The coach couldn't control a small group of 9, 10 and 11 year olds? He needs to find a new job!

It sounds like you have very little knowledge of controlling groups of children.

The ht might be so arrogant to ‘not do walk ins’ but this is a safeguarding issue, go in, insist on speaking to someone regarding safeguarding and don’t leave until you’ve been seen or have an appointment to deal with this properly

Some primary schools are really REALLY shit at dealing with parents and kids for that matter. Don’t stand for it.

As for refusing the pgl, this happened at our school, completely the wrong thing to do and teaches kids nothing.

You need to make this a priority in the morning, don’t let these tin pot dictators behave like this.

Involve the governors if need be.

Find out what the school say your son actually did.

Keep it separate from the club finishing early. That may have happened for a very good reason e.g. coach was ill, coach's DC taken to hospital, etc.

How late over the football finishing was your DH in collecting your son?

How is it a ‘safeguarding issue’?

Right so it wasn’t just that you missed or forgot a text or something.

My ds wouldn’t be writing a letter. Nor would he be returning to that team.

And bloody hell don't involve the governors or anyone else until you find out what the school are saying your son actually did. It is quite clear they think he is guilty of much more than a silly bit of behavior.

littlebillie
and well they are boys.

So much poor behaviour is excused by these ^ words

And I would expect boys chosen for a football team to behave decently. They are there by choice.

I have also when working with children heard parents minimise awful behavior by their kids.

If your son's behaviour was so bad they should have sent him to club and called you in. They didn't, I think you need to step back and possibly break this down into three issues;

1. Your DSs behaviour, you have sort of addressed that and I think he and the boys have all been punished for it twice over so far.
2. The coach's behaviour prior to this incident needs to be looked at.
3. This incident and the aftermath have a few safeguarding issues at stake i) The boys sitting in the cold unoccupied for 90 minutes? Cruel and unusual group punishment for the behaviour of a few and they could have become ill ii) The head teacher not properly investigating before they decided the coach was in the right- deciding all of the children were lying without an investigation when so many sports coaches are facing scrutiny for much less is surprising to say the least iii) If the coach can't control the children intimidating/laughing at him, he can't control the children laughing/intimidating others in the group, which leaves the group wide open for bullying

Sitting on a bench outside in freezing conditions for an hour and a half as 'punishment' is most likely a safeguarding issue, but I think OP needs to get the school's version of events first.

The HT isn't just punishing my son, she has punished the whole team as a group. No one has been singled out for anything. They've all been called liars. They've all been told they will miss playtime tomorrow and they all need to write a apology letter.

My husband (on the day of the kids club incident) turned up just before 4.45pm as they are usually just finishing then and having a group chat about their performance and then they get to leave around 4.50pm (ish) my husband eventually found our son in kids club at 4.50pm and my son said that the coaching had finished ages before so it's likely it ended 10/15 maybe even 20 mins early.

To add to the confusion, kids club has been moved due to building works in the school and as our son doesn't usually attend it, my husband didn't know where it was & spent 5 mins trying to find it and hoping our son was there. Which thankfully he was.

The school were aware coaching finished early as my husband was a bit fed up we were being hit by a £10 charge even though he shouldn't have even been there in the first place so he asked about it and it was removed but since been reinstated after my conversation with the manager on Friday.

I'm an ex year 6 teacher and controlling a group of over excited boys / children is not easy, takes practice and can be intimidating especially to an inexperience person. I'm amazed anyone could even think it is easy ! I suspect there is more to this. The coach may well need support but your son was rude. You need to get more facts and work with the school for a good resolution.

If the coach can't handle a group of giggling children and a flippant comment from one of them without resorting to implementing a Dickensian style punishment of making them sit out in the cold for an hour and a half and then bleating to the HT in order for further punishments to be implemented then he is totally incapable of doing the job for which he is employed.

The fact the children did sit there for an hour and a half and didn't muck about any further shows that they are not a bunch of unruly, out of control children.

Beryl's advice is very good, be armed with all versions of events and then take it further.

I believe you OP. We have had experience of young men coming in to provide football training at primary school. It seems to me that a sizeable proportion of them are quite immature and inadequately trained to manage large groups of children; their main qualification seems to be their football skills.

Yes, OP’s son made one flippant comment.

He’s already been punished for it. So why the note?

I've worked in schools most of my life (changed career two years ago) and I know how horrible children can behave.

I've never lost control of a group of boys or girls ever, if there were behaviour issues, I would talk to the parents after school or after school club and that was enough to get the kids in line. I never felt it appropriate to sit children out for an hour or more in January weather even after horrific behaviour.

I'm not contacting OFSTED or the governors. I'll follow the complaint procedure on the schools website instead.

I don’t think your ds was particularly rude. It was an awkward situation, which never should have happened. He’s a 10/11 yo kid. It sounds as if he was trying to reinstate a normal status quo. Perhaps you could use that angle as well as appreciating it could be seen as potentially rude.

I totally agree with meeting with the head and escalating to the governors if you don’t get satisfaction. The non apology suggested by viques is good. The coach sounds ridiculous. My dd has done after school clubs, her coaches have always been very encouraging and pleasant. I’d be very concerned if she were made to sit for over an hour in freezing temperatures.

I would be making a formal complaint to the school and raising safeguarding issues with the local authority safeguarding officer. There is no way the coach should have left early and left your son in another club without any notification! The sitting on benches in freezing temperatures sounds like bullying behaviour.

I would be writing a letter, just not the one they were expecting.

The kids' club will have signed them in on arrival so they can tell you when the activity finished. Did it finish early due to behaviour, unexpected need for coach to leave, weather, match cancelled? Bear in mind children are often vague about timings so may well have not been sat for the full period in the cold. Does the coach work alone or have an assistant/volunteer?Ask for a statement of the facts before deciding how to move forward.

Sounds more like the coach hasn't got control of himself rather than of the boys, he sounds totally incompetent. Does he have qualifications to do this job?

LIZS the finishing early was on the 11th of January. No explanation was given as to why it finished early but good advice about checking the time he was signed in.

The 2nd incident was on the 25th of January and the coach fully admits he kept them in the playground with no training taking place from 3.30pm until 4.45pm but after complaints said it was due to the behaviour I described in my first post.