School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

And was the coach's mobile phone habit discussed? It seems incompatible with good coaching.

In answer to some of the questions.

I raised the issue about seeing the cctv and having to take their word for it, which of course I believe, as I'm sure if I took this above the heads of the school, the cctv would be shown to the governors or whoever investigating my complaint and they just nodded along.
They've not confirmed or denied I could see the cctv, but were very convincing and pursed lip about the children mucking around from what they could see. But again no real issues apart from not listening we're flagged up.

The pitch cctv has been blocked by the building works but they could see them on the benches chatting etc.

The same coach will still be employed. In fact they said "he had turned up the next day for work, so he still wants to work here" and I quote. Making me feel that if he had walked away they wouldn't blame him...that's how emotional he was.

I may be completely wrong here but I don't think he will be around for much longer. I don't think they can get rid of him now as that will just confirm our fears that it's just a bloody shambles. But I do think he will be 'finding a new job' soon.

A friend who has a son in year 3 said the coach misplaced a child on Monday just gone (during the younger years coaching.) she was watching her son play..
A mum turned up to collect son, he wasn't there, coach didn't know where he was and mum was frantic, the after school clubs manager (the very same one) found him in Kids Club (where he definitely wasn't supposed to be) and bought him to very worried mum... coach nor school offered an explanation. The child had been signed into football but wasn't noticed or signed out that he had gone (for however long) he had been in kids club. Mum has raised a concern with the School. I don't know her so won't speak to her about it.
Her child is 7 years old so a bit more worrying than my 11 year old and still bloody poor without all this going on with the year 5 and 6 lot.

So we shall see.

So on the Wednesday when they were sat outside on the bench for a the whole hour, the coach was supposedly waiting for that whole hour for them to stop laughing and talking? But some of them didn't realize it and thought the session had been cancelled and the others thought they were being punished, but the coach claims he was just waiting for them to stop laughing (for a whole hour) and not a single one of the pupils realized this? Because that isn't a simple matter of the coach needing to be told to communicate more effectively is it? That's a matter of the coach not being capable of being in charge of a group of youngsters. He shouldn't be back at the school on his own until he's had more training if that's the state of his abilities. I'm glad you're withdrawing your DC from the club. Are other parents doing the same?

BoomBooms yes you've pretty much summed it up... I haven't spoke to any of the football team parents since Sunday. But all the boys have been asking if my son has definitely left the team so it looks like they are all staying bar him. I'm gutted for him but I wish I'd stuck to my gut instinct to not let him go back after Christmas.

Sorry BoomBooms just to add (not like it's important) It wasn't weds, it was Thursday last week, in case I get accused of changing my story

I might be speaking out of turn here but it sounds like he might be being managed out of a job ot could be being given the opportunity to find another situation.

Someone used to work with had an issue (nowhere like yours and nothing horrendous but a moment of bad judgement which left their position awkward if they were to remain in school). Our SLT gave them a really stern talking to and pointed out how badly it could have been had the other kids present not been so honest (they'd have been screwed had kids decided to close ranks and lie). They kept them on with the agreement that whilst it was bad judgement and no harm done, it would be in everyone's interest if they started looking.
Knowing the details I can honestly say that that was probably the best outcome for all.

grannytomine
Oh no! That’s awful. . The poor child and their parents.
The kids swim in a school pool and it becomes very cramped as they get bigger. Someone could have easily accidentally kicked dd in the stomach, triggered a seizure (with dd they're induced by pain, nose bleeds, vomiting) and with 16 kids in what is a chaotic lesson, dd could easily have drowned. It’s not a likely scenario but it is important to be incredibly careful with water.

Yes not likely but possible. Not worth the risk is it. It had a terrible effect on various people, her class teacher, the people at the swimming lesson (teacher and parents and life guard - how did noone notice?) Of course her poor parents most of all.

MaisyPops I think it is sad that adults can't be honest and say they got it wrong. My son got shoved face first into a locker by a teacher when he was 17, my son didn't even tell me but his friend did. As you can imagine I was annoyed but my son said, "Don't make a fuss I know I can be annoying."

The teacher went sick, I presume he couldn't face what he expected to happen and never returned to teaching, well that is what I was told. If he'd said to my son that he'd got it wrong and apologised my son would have accepted it and it would have been over. Seems such a waste.

In this case I think it looks like the coach got himself into a position he couldn't back down from. If he had calmed down, said to the kids come on now lets play football there wouldn't have been a drama.

What a shambles. Sounds like the football coach has concocted a huge story to get out of teaching the club.
He's at fault. Write to the head with your list of complaints cc to all the school governors naming the coach and explaining your son almost had hyperthermia and you've concidered sueing them.
Schools get sued all the time just keep it quiet
How many children get the giggles when one of their friends giggle? The football coach clearly has no idea what he's doing

mummyoflittledragon jesus wept, that’s terrifying. You’re right about schools closing ranks, my dd went through a period of bullying and when I made noises they all turned the professional face on me. We’d all been quite cordial before, I work there in a small supportive role but they definitely froze me out. Turns out that questioning the popular teacher makes you unpopular. Who knew?

grannytomine
It's entirely possible to acknowledge something is wrong or less than ideal without some sort of big show.

In the case of the person i knew it was found that they had done nothing wrong. Student statements all supported that. I don't see why they should have to go and admit anything. They did nothing. A situation arose where they were open to a child telling tales (i hope you underdtand why i'm keeping it vague) and because of the way the child behaved it was agreed their situation was going to be awkward. I can see why the outcome was as it was bit there were quite a few members of staff who felt the pupil got off lightly considering .

In the case of a teacher needing additional support, it's perfectly possible to acknowledge jusitfiable concerns and suppoet the teacher without slinging a struggling colleague under the bus because it will appease some parents who feel entitled to know the ins and outs of someone's professional development.

I will always defend the rights of parents to raise concerns and complain (will also say if i think they are being silly too though). I will always continue to raise issues with staff where needed. I will always continue to raise issues on behalf of parents and advocate for them if i think school is wrong (which doesn't always get me brownie points from staff). I will always advocate going above the school if procedure has been followed and the school has systemic failings.

But what i will also defend is the right of employees to have their professional development records held confidentially on a need to know basis and will absolutely not compromise on that to satisfy anyone (either when i was in teaching or my career before it) who wants the scoop so they can feel they've won a point or something. It's not appropriate.

@Mummyoflittledragon - l have the "adult" version of RAS. Neurocardiogenic syncope type 2b

So the coach couldn't handle the children's talking and giggling and they kept on because they thought they had finished so PARTLY not their fault but they were STILL punished? As if sitting in the cold for hours was not enough punishment.

And they didn't call them liars but only told them to stop lying. Aren't these two statements the same thing

So your son did not lie and "well done" to him but he STILL had to write an apology.

At least they made an effort to investigate and behave appropriately on the surface although you must have some niggles left OP.

Will you get a refund for the trip?
I think they were only threatened with being barred from the trip.

Plus i don't think the school would have a leg to stand on if they did ban the children from the trip either.

op needs to get thay clarified from school though

How many children get the giggles when one of their friends giggles? Exactly. It takes a lot of self control not to. Children should be expected to exercise that self control but they shouldn't be punished in a dozen different ways if they don't.

I completely concur with the negative assessments of Peng on this thread. I think MaisyPops is a well-meaning person but I wonder how much experience she has.

I think Maisy said recently that she is 29, so not an awful lot of experience. She sounds fair though, but I wish she would check the spelling before posting Sorry Maisy, but you know it's true

Hang on a minute. Falmer

You can qualify as a teacher at what, 23? And you say MaisyPops is 29. So that's five whole years of experience?

Okay.

And five years teaching is a much more than a lot of us posting on this thread.
I have many years as a volunteer/trainer, but I'm not a qualified teacher by any stretch.

The coach may be using a stopwatch app on his phone.

I think you said that your son wasn’t going back to football. Is that right, OP? If so, then I’d accept that there was an incident and the kids have been punished and that’s an end to it.

If he’s going back, then the coach needs some supervision whether it’s a teacher or a parent.

Sorry, I had it in my mind as experienced teachers having taught for many years, for some reason. Yes you're right Limited.
Apologies Maisie.