School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

Given what you've said about the coach being on his phone so much, the finishing early, the excessive punishment where they were made to sit on a bench for the whole session, it sounds like the coach really doesn't want to be there and will do anything to get out of it.

And while I agree that a group of children can be difficult to control, the punishments imposed really aren't the way to get them to behave better.

OP I would get DS to write a note apologising for the 'this is awkward' comment, because it was at least cheeky and disrespectful and it caused the other boys to burst out laughing again after it had quietened down.

Then tackle the school about the much more serious issues this set of events raises.

Berylstreep: ask the school if they could provide you with an account of what is alleged to have happened and what action has been taken as a result and any further action that is being considered. Advise that once you have received the account you will discuss it with your DS and decide if any any further action, including any letter of apology, is required.

I would then follow this with a complaint about the handling of the kids' training/after school provision.

The kids were cheeky, and got punished. Ok, the punishment of sitting outside for 90 mins seems harsh to me, but that's done. Why on earth has this now snowballed into apology letters, lack of playtime, no astroturf time, and threatened withdrawal of PGL trip? I would want to hear how the fuck this is warranted.

I would also want to hear why about the after school club issue. It seems the after school club manager was petty about this - she wasn't going to charge you - but then you rang up, so now she is. No... the kids were deposited into a club that hadn't been arranged with the parents, no contact was made, no explanation given, but they will charge you for it!? Absolutely not.

Hopefully the other parents will be able to offer some insight...it does sound like the coach is inexperienced and might need some more guidance about what proper discipline is, sitting in the freezing cold is not acceptable!

A good coach with an ability to handle a bunch of over excited 9-11yo (all boys?) would have replied

"It'll get a lot more awkward if you don't all settle down" with a wry but meaningful smile and backed it up with "I will happily continue when you're all ready"
Then thrown in the element of surprise by telling them to run around until he say to do something else - eg stop, touch floor, jump - until he could see it was out of their systems and they were ready to train.

I would get your ds to write a letter of apology. But from you both.

Dear HT,

We are both sorry for ds comment if "this is awkward" when the coach was stood staring at the boys and giving no instruction.

We both realise the comment was inappropriate and we should have complained previously about the poor level of training provided for the cost and that ds should have reported the event to us afterwards so we could have dealt with it correctly.

We have made the decision to withdraw ds from the training as it is not appropriately managed and we can't afford to pay £10 a week if the coach finishes early without prior warning.

I will be contacting the governors with regards the heavy and repeated punishments to ask for a copy of the behaviour policy and about a refund if you don't take ds on the PGL camp.

I trust this will be the end of the matter

Regards

Ds and ds mum.

My betting is the HT priority is in keeping the training going as they gain revenue from the pitch hire.

The after school club bit of this is straightforward. You did not ask for your son to go to the after school club. The school chose to put him there after training finished early. They cannot charge you for this. I would refuse to pay. If the after school club is separate from the school, if they want payment they should look to the school.

As for the second incident, that really depends what happened. It does sound like it has got a bit out of hand and the punishment may be disproportionate but, without knowing exactly what really happened, it is impossible to be sure.

Go and get an appointment with the head. This has escalated massively for no clear reason.

What was the "giggling" about?

I think there are 2 separate issues here that you need to tackle as if they are unconnected.

1. Your ds's behaviour.

2.The coach's running of the club.

1. You accept your ds was slightly cheeky (I agree that it doesn't sound like he committed the crime of the century), so tell him to write his letter of apology and mean it. The giggling and cheekiness meant the coaching session was spoiled for the whole group. He should write his letter.
2. The coach acted unprofessionally ending the sessions early and leaving them sitting in the cold. You presumably hadn't agreed to using the after school club, you had paid for the football session and the coach should have stayed with the dcs until pick up time regardless of their behaviour.

Don't conflate the two issues or you'll look like the snowflake parent who can't believe their pfb has ever been naughty.

@youarenotkiddingme that’s brilliant!

It sounds like the coach is more interested in his phone.
Also he comes across as irresponsible, immature and quite the vindictive character.
So many things wrong with his behaviour even though the kids may have been cheeky.
He's obviously not interested or fully engaged with the kids when they are training and the kids have probably picked up on his disinterest or dislike of either the job or the kids or both.
He's bunking off early then leaving the parents to take the flack for him dumping the kids in after school club!
Hopefully you can get some clarification from other parents as to what's gone on.

He wasn’t that rude. And he’s been punished. Twice.

Agree with prh and others. Two different, but fairly easy to understand issues.

Child gets placed in after school club- not required to pay, as was placed there due to unforeseen circumstances.

Child placed in after school club due to training being cancelled as a result of bad behaviour by group of kids, group of kids (and their parents) apologise for their childrens' behaviour and decide if it is appropriate for them to continue with the activity seeing as this is not the first time their behaviour has been bad.

I wouldn’t be happy at all.
I’d want to know exactly what the boys had been doing that was so naughty?! It clearly was just a bit of giggling and messing about if they haven’t come up with any specifics yet. Sounds like a shambles. Would not be happy leaving my child in this after school care.
Is there only 1 coach? To how many children?

I'm a secondary teacher handling older and far more challenging kids than these boys sound day in day out. Never in a million years would I have them sat in the cold for an hour. That absolutely crosses the line for me.

Have to add- the "this is awkward" comment spoken to me at an after school club by a student I knew well as in this case would probably make me laugh and agree!

After school clubs should be fun, surely!

Husky Safeguarding can be a tangled web and application is hugely variable, but here's my take on it.

The HT has told a group of kids they're lying. This sets a precident to the kids that there's no point in telling a teacher anything.

Which is why we're now dealing with dozens of adults coming forward with historic abuse allegations. They didn't say anything when they were kids being abused because they thought no-one would believe them.

Kids can't engage in complex rationalisation of who they should tell, who will believe them at the ages in the OP. The HT has shown them that, despite their numbers, children will never be believed by an adult in a position of power.

Leaving a bunch of kids in sports kit sat on benches for over an hour in cold weather is a safeguarding issue because it's potentially unsafe.

Dumping kids in ASC without informing their parent/carer is a dereliction of duty of care, very unfair on ASC and may also breach the school's liability insurance and fire saftey regs.

@BoneyBackJefferson
It sounds like you have very little knowledge of controlling groups of children.

Have you not heard of schools? Teachers do it every day.

And yes, I have including running numerous playgroups plus other children groups such as Rainbows.

You could write to the school and say that your DS will take a letter of apology in because he is anxious about not doing so and becoming the subject of further punishment, but make it clear that he is doing so to appease his teachers and that it does not reflect your thoughts and opinions. You don't need your DS to take a stand with you.

Oh sorry didn’t see the update of what DS had done. Still think it wasn’t dealt with well.

Right ah I've wrote a letter asking for clarity on the two separate incidents. Me and my son will be writing that excellent letter that was posted by youare (hope that's the right username).

I'm going to fight the £10 charge and I've got bullet points of every ones advice written ready to go, as according to the complaints procedure on the school website I should be granted an audience with the HT after my letter has been read for her to respond, she is quite intimidating and not approachable so I hope I get my point across in a calm and measured way.

My son has had his own punishment at home regarding his comment.
But I would like to just clarify his comment hasn't been highlighted by the coach or HT & he isn't the only one being punished, it's the whole group. He hasn't been pinpointed as the ring leader etc he was just there with the rest of them and they usually are allowed to have a chat and laugh as they change and warm up and then they get their head down for the training or match, whichever one it is that day.

Perhaps the coach had had some bad news that day. Or was pissed off or hungover. Who knows?

when the coach told them off it went silent for a few minutes while he glared at them and gave them no more instructions and my son said "this is awkward,"

I think this is worth apologizing for. The teacher didn't handle it well, but your DS was being disrespectful and playing up to his friends. Let him write a letter apologizing for that, it doesn't have to have an affect on your other points.

RowenasDiadem

Have you not heard of schools?

bloody hell, I knew that there was a name for the place that I worked in.

I have seen classes of children that have behaved so badly that the teacher couldn't teach.
I have seen entire classes moved because one child has made it impossible to teach.
I have seen classes 'terror' (yes bullying teachers has a name) teachers.
I have seen chairs thrown, punches connect. Teachers verbally and physically abused (not to mention sexually assaulted).
And I have seen classes so badly behaved that teachers have left in tears.

I have seen this in both primary and secondary, and yes if you have only done the younger years where a scowl, frown or slightly raised voice controls the children then you have very little knowledge of controlling children.

Hopefully the other parents have similar grievances and you can all have a meeting with the head and the coach.