School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

Sounds very childish OP on the coaches part! Goodness what does he expect from boys that age... that really isn't cause for such reaction but as you say he is pretty young himself. Seems more of a saving face now because he probably over reacted so then had to spin the HT a line.

Glad you have your son's back & are confident in his side. (& for the record I don't think his comment was that bad at all! Cheeky maybe rude no).

From what you've written the children are being punished several times over for the same offence, that is not right, fair or acceptable.

As others have suggested, speak to the other parents and find out what their children have said about the incident if it is the same as your son has told you and they too are aggrieved see if they would back you up and go as a group to complain. If they are not prepared to stand with you I would still complain on behalf of your son because the actions taken by the school are out of proportion to the 'offence' and punishment has already been meted out for it and that should be an end to it.

Do not pay the after school club charge and raise merry hell about the cancelling of the trip which you have paid for.

I really suspect there is much more to this. I would go in and find out exactly what happened.

OP I've not read all comments but I would put in a complaint about this. I certainly would not pay £10 or get my son to write an apology. I would be asking for an apology from the school for this.

PS I agree with @crunchymint "I really suspect there is much more to this. I would go in and find out exactly what happened."

I’d ask for a money back for the club finishing early without warning or notice of where to find your son, £10 for early finish.

I would also report this as a safe guarding issue to the local authority - as the coach is then reported and that will be where ever he works, as I expect he works at more than one school

Copy in the school governors as they need to know

It sounds like a shambles and, I agree, you do need to follow up all the points (from your original post) with the school head teacher. I also agree it is a good idea that you talk to other parents to get their take on it.

But this "my son said "this is awkward"" does mean that your son has a letter of apology to write for tomorrow. No question! It was rude and designed to raise a laugh at another's expense (the coach).

If they follow through with this thread "Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip)." I would speak to Ofsted, this is a major milestone for many kids and to threaten to take it away is appalling. Smacks of not really knowing how to handle children at all. Demotivating and threatening! What crap.

The coach couldn't control a small group of 9, 10 and 11 year olds? He needs to find a new job!
The simple fact is, adults will more often than not believe one other adult over a bunch of children. You know your own son and he's fessed up to his cheekiness and even that doesn't warrant stopping the whole class and leaving them sitting in the cold.

As for the after school club, bill the coach. You pay for him to be responsible for your children up to a certain time, and he didn't. If the after school club does issue you with a bill please immediately change the billing name to the coach's and hand it straight back asking that they bill the correct person.

If you pay a childminder and she hands your child over to another and tells you to pay them too would you? Of course not.

I think you or your husband should take time out next week to go and watch the session. Is it possible to watch without being seen? Can someone unknown go if it's in a public place and see what's really going on? I'm quite concerned that he spends all his time on the phone. I've seen people like that before. One hand on the phone and the other doing a half arsed job for the entire time. Either that or a little go pro type thing in your son's pocket.

Either this was all much more serious than you’ve been told or the coach is a lying toad!

I’d kick up a massive fuss, along with the other parents. To sit children outside in the cold is abusive. The head is obviously condoning this. Ofsted, LEA, local papers, the lot. What a nasty bunch of child abusers and apologists.

The head teacher won't see any walk ins regarding anything. So I'll have to ask to have a meeting with her, I've reached out to two parents so far regarding it and waiting to hear from them.

The boy they were laughing at was telling jokes and being daft, at no ones expense (I just asked my son again) he said when the laughing had died down the coach was glaring at them and they said 'sorry we're ready' and he continued to glare and that's when the awkward comment came up.

Oh and your son should write a letter of apology stating only that he apologises for making a comment and giggling. Nothing more.

Unless it says "I'm sorry that you are unable to control a small group of giggling children and cannot act professionally"

It's all very strange!

Was your son the only one in the ASC when your husband collected?-if so, where were all the others?

Where was the coach when your daughter collected? & what did the ASC have to do with it?

You definitely need to be speaking to other parents.

I would speak to Ofsted

This is not a matter for Ofsted and they would bat you back to the school complaints procedure.

I think that this seems to have totally blown up. The punishment for mucking around is now: no club, sitting in the cold for a long period of time, being sent to after school club without parents being informed, parents being charged £10, having to write a letter of apology, threatened with removal from Y6 trip.

I would definitely query with the school whether this punishment follows their procedures for behaviour management of an after school club. I would also complain that I wasn't phoned when the club was cancelled, so that the kids could be picked up by parents and talk to the coach.
I would - to show willing - have DS write a letter of apology for the smart Alec comment. That would free you up to pursue a complaint about how the matter was handled rather than get bogged down with the back and forth about who was lying re behaviour.

This just sounds like the coach is a bit pathetic and a tiny incident spiralled out of control very quickly.

The coach only had to say one thing to nip it in the bud, "Laps." If he doesn't have that basic knowledge of coaching, he shouldn't be doing it.

In any case, I agree with others who say take a bit of time off Monday morning and go see the HT. Take a deep breath and keep an open mind that, while the coach may be a waste of space, the kids may also have been behaving like little shits! The punishment and threats of punishment sound OTT, from what you have said.

well, your son did say "well this is awkward" which appears to have triggered the incident and joined in the laughing which followed so he could write a letter saying

Dear Coach,

I am sorry for what I said, and for joining in the laughter.

Signed

Child.

Which is what happened. I would then withdraw him from the club, because after this incident it is not going to be a good atmosphere anyway.

I would want to speak to the headteacher about appropriate levels of punishment. the coach punished the group and that should be the end of it, threatening other punishments is unfair. Unless your son has other behavioural issues the threat of withdrawing the school journey is particularly mean.

Is this a club run by a member of the school staff, or an outside provider? If an outside provider I would write to them informing them why you are withdrawing your son and raising your concerns about the professionalism and efficacy of the coach provided. The contracts they have with schools for after school provision are very valuable , a good provider will not want a poor reputation in the area.

"he said when the laughing had died down the coach was glaring at them and they said 'sorry we're ready' and he continued to glare and that's when the awkward comment came up"

Sorry, that still sounds to me as if your son was rude. He got the last (flippant) word in!

I probably would write an apology for being cheeky however I would raise merry hell about the school trip. Are the year 5 children being told that they can't attend the trip for the same behaviour? Are the yr 5 parents going to be asked for £400 for a trip which they cannot go on? Too much punishment for some giggling.

I think that the school are not wishing to admit that the coach should not have been appointed (if that is the correct word), regardless of whether or not the level of misbehaviour was more than your son and others acknowledge.

The unwillingness to engage with parents or the children concerns me.

He might be an excellent coach for Manchester United but not for the school!

I think I would ask you ds to write the letter and keep it brief however I would take this up with the school. I coach sounds a bit silly and well they are boys. I think if your son hurt someone and was unapologetic then those punishments sound reasonable however he was larking about

I agree with @viques.

Honestly, I do not defend a school no mater what. But there are a number of obvious questions hear that make it clear this is not the full story.

1. Was your DC the only one in the ASC? If yes where were all the other DCs? Why would only your DC be affected by this? If only your DC was affected I would suspect that parents had been told on that night the club was finishing early.
2. What time does the football finish? How long after it finished did your partner pick up your son?
3. Why if they were only laughing and a bit cheeky would the HT react as she has? It makes no sense at all to pull the kids into her office and say they were lying about what happened.

And for gods sake don't waste OFSTEDs time. They do not deal with this every disagreement between parents and a school.

Where was everyone else when training finished early??

No, my son wasn't the only one in kids club that day it finished early.. some are allowed to walk home theirselves (preparing them for secondary school) but the ones that aren't allowed yet were in kids club with my son as they weren't allowed to wait by the football pitch for their parents.