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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be devastated that someone I only met tonight could be so mean and nasty to me or no reason

224 replies

Oldsu · 28/01/2018 00:13

I have been out tonight to celebrate a friends birthday, we used to work together but she now works for a different company so everyone else in the group were her new colleagues. I got on with them all except one who immediately seemed to take a dislike to me, it started in the pub we had a whip to buy the drinks and it was decided to get a couple of bottles of wine, I paid into the whip (£20) but I had to let them know that I have gastric reflux and cant drink alcohol so I wanted water instead as even lemonade and orange juice can affect me, she took umbrage at this for some reason basically saying she hated people like me who wanted something 'special' there was no reason for her to say that as I explained why and everyone else understood.

For most of the evening I stayed out of her way chatting happily to other members of the group but every time I looked her way she was glaring at me, my friend was getting upset and I offered to go home but she wanted me to stay and eat with them

It was suggested that we all went for a curry, now I cant eat curry but have eaten in Indian restaurants before and have had western meals or salads, I was discussing options with the waiter when this 'cow' realised what I was doing and laid into me, she basically accused me of being a racist she actually said ' I suppose you hate it when you are served by brown people and I bet you voted brexit and other really spiteful nasty things.

I didn't bother to reply to her I gave my friend a hug and said happy birthday and walked out. My friend rang me and asked me to come back I apologised for ruining her birthday but I couldn't go back I was too upset.

Got home 1/2 hour ago and cant stop crying, now I am scared that I have lost my friend over this but what was I supposed to do just sit there and take all the shit I was getting for no reason.

OP posts:
helenoftroyville · 29/01/2018 18:53

OP has your friend been in touch?

honeyroar · 29/01/2018 18:55

What a horrible woman! It's nice of the other lady to message you. Your friend really ought to have replied/rung today.

NewSingleMummy · 29/01/2018 19:11

I hope you have heard back from your friend by now

Yorkshiretolondon · 29/01/2018 19:17

She’s a b*tch and everyone is scared to cross her... you should pity her

TheLegendOfBeans · 29/01/2018 19:22

If your chum hasn’t sent you any indication at all that she’s utterly disgusted with her “friend’s” behaviour then she’s a prize c—-t too.

starbrightnight · 29/01/2018 19:27

OP, I think we're all waiting in the hope you have heard from your friend with words of support and empathy.

You behaved impeccably - I do hope she gets in touch soon. What a horrible experience - some people are beyond understanding.

MissMouseMcPhee · 29/01/2018 19:42

Mission Yes she can. As could anyone who witnessed it..waiter, people sitting at a nearby table etc but only if the group mentioned who they worked for loudly enough obviously.

browneyes77 · 29/01/2018 19:53

Wow! You handled yourself so much better than I would have!

I’d have said something along the lines of “who the fuck do you think you’re talking to, you scumbag?” Followed up by “Speak to me like that again and your curry will be over your fucking head you c*nt”

Or words to that effect Grin

You didn’t ruin the evening, that nasty cow did by being a complete bitch. You handled yourself with complete dignity and grace.

It was nice of one of the girls to reach out to you. I think that should tell you what most of them think of her behaviour, because I guarantee you more than one of them will think the same as the girl who contacted you!

SueEllenFan123 · 29/01/2018 19:57

I don't drink and you don't have to justify it or explain it. I understand why you put the money in, don't think badly of yourself for that.
I am trying to understand this person's behaviour and this is all I can come up with:
She is a team leader and is probably a bully in the workplace, too. I very much doubt anyone wanted her there and she knew this, but she also knew that no one would challenge her - even though they should have! By leaving you did the right thing.
As a genuine friend of the birthday girl she was probably jealous - here is a person for whom the invitation was entirely genuine. The fact that you can also enjoy yourself without a drink and don't have to answer to her - red rag to a drunken cow!
As for the restaurant, anyone who works in one can spot a troublemaker which is why they helped with your request and tried to give your scarf back. She has used the staff there, insulted them herself to try and score a point.
The only person who was disrespectful of race was her.
This was a horrible experience for you - you've just gone out for a meal with your friend and been abused. It's not on, and there is no excuse.
The fact that you mixed so well with the others means she was the loser, and you did really well.
Reach out to your friend - she probably feels terrible about it. Don't let this person ruin your friendship.
People like this always come a cropper. She's a deeply sad, lonely and angry person and although you don't have to give her anything, if you feel anything, pity is the only thing that springs to mind.
I'm not great at retorts but my best friend is. In a similar situation she once waited for the woman to really lose her cool, she screamed and shouted, and at the end of it my friend coolly replied....
Please feel free to go and bore someone else.
It worked a treat. I know it by heart, have used it a couple of times and let me tell you - it's a belter!
And praise every day you don't have to get up and work for her.......!

Ninjamom · 29/01/2018 20:02

She sounds vile. You really handled yourself well. Btw I have reflux (GERD) and there is a group of mums at school that I have stopped going out with over constant comments about my drinking (or lack of!). They just don't understand I can't drink myself into the floor, and I don't want overly greasy food. One started mocking me asking for a tea after a meal. Thing is, they don't mock the fitness freak or anyone else who is breastfeeding etc.

Alwaysstressed999 · 29/01/2018 20:04

Well you reacted much much more ladylike than I would have OP! What a vile creature 👊🏻

Squirrellygone1 · 29/01/2018 20:25

You handled that with such dignity Op. Very strong and very brave of you. Your friend will have seen that.

Ginburee · 29/01/2018 20:38

I would have walked out too (I hope) with dignity as you did.
I do drink alcohol and would be very aware of people who don't drink being included in the kitty.
This woman had her own intentions and may well have misconstrued a comment your friend made Maybe?. It's sad your friend hasn't contacted you but if she was out for the day it is possible she has been too busy and also embarrassed.
You did not make this situation happen, please don't beat yourself up because an absolute bitch had an agenda. X

VogelsTrust · 29/01/2018 21:11

I agree the woman sounds like a complete jealous, power hungry weirdo.

I’d also maybe learn from this experience and give invitations a think before you say “yes”? Pp said that it seemed a bit of a strange invite in the first place and I agree.

I used to socialise with someone who was similar - he asked me along to a party where everyone was very insular (all friends of each other, no new people, and completely blanked me in conversation) and insisted we stayed till 2am. I do drink but didn’t want to just get sloshed so think I found a TV and a book.

He actually made out that the woman hosting was doing be a massive favour by letting me attend (and I wonder if he’d told her that I was desperate to come or something Hmm)

Or being asked by a woman on a night out which was “men only and her” and then being set up as the oddball who wasn’t drinking as I was recovering from illness at the time ( she herself was having an affair with one of the guys and I think she was hoping I would entertain one of the other chavvy guys as they were getting bored of her onlyHmm)

These people certainly weren’t friends and didn’t have my best emotional interests at heart: they were users.

But I let them do it, and I’ve learned to think twice before accepting such situations.

I think because I’ve had low self esteem in the past , I tend sometimes to feel so flattered that people invite me to things that I say yes automatically?

Even if the person giving the invitation sounds enthusiastic and “I REALLY want to see you so much”, it’s good to think about whether an occasion sounds like it would genuinely be somewhere you’re comfortable at?

I agree with pp’s that it sounds weird that you were invited knowing that (for good reasons)

(1) you don’t drink

(2) you can’t eat Indian food

(3) you would be the only non work person there.

I think your so called friend was either fairly thoughtless, or consciously setting you up. I’d consider detaching from her.

Original poster
Oldsu · 29/01/2018 22:19

No phone call or anything from my friend, the girl who friended me on FB sent a message this evening and said she had called in sick, think she is keeping low profile

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 29/01/2018 22:29

I feel sorry for her. Crap birthday weekend. Hope she gets in contact with you though, your not at fault x

MiddleClassProblem · 29/01/2018 22:29

You’re! Ugh

Mary1955 · 29/01/2018 22:34

I'm a bit confused by the Brexit comment ~ does the silly bitch think that India is in Europe?

PaddlingShoes · 29/01/2018 22:35

You didn't ruin her birthday, the other woman did. You had no choice but to leave. Everyone else there was witness to her shameful behaviour and now knows she's a twat. How embarrassing for her. You did nothing wrong and you're crying because it's so bloody unfair. What a nasty bitch. Chin up, we're on your side!

manicmij · 29/01/2018 22:40

You did the right thing by leaving and not giving any response to that awful woman. Surely she must have previous for this kind of behaviour. Pity others in the group didn't speak up at the time about her behlviour. Your friend should support you or anyone else being treating like that even if it was her birthday.

JerryGiraffe · 29/01/2018 22:52

So sorry you had such an awful experience OP, I think you handled yourself very well. Please don't waste tears on a stinking skip rat. Karma will bitch slap her back to the hole from whence she crawled. On the plus side, at least you don't have to work with her!

OFuckShitAndBollocks · 29/01/2018 22:59

I'm a bit confused by the Brexit comment ~ does the silly bitch think that India is in Europe?

Haha, she truly is a silly bitch isn't she!! What an outrageous cow!

Hopefully your friend is just dealing with it all and will be in touch with you asap

TooSleepyToCare · 29/01/2018 23:07

Oh, really sad to have got to the end of the thread and no contact from the birthday girl.
I hope you're feeling better now op

Shockers · 29/01/2018 23:13

Or perhaps she is genuinely sick. Perhaps her not being in work has absolutely nothing to do with you, or vile team leader.

Nettie1964 · 30/01/2018 06:16

Hope I am not being mean but there are loads of times when I have been out in a group and there is always someone who can't drink or eat anything ! Which is fine but they really make a huge thing about it. Sorry but maybe she was a bit pissed and got pissed off? Just saying.