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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be devastated that someone I only met tonight could be so mean and nasty to me or no reason

224 replies

Oldsu · 28/01/2018 00:13

I have been out tonight to celebrate a friends birthday, we used to work together but she now works for a different company so everyone else in the group were her new colleagues. I got on with them all except one who immediately seemed to take a dislike to me, it started in the pub we had a whip to buy the drinks and it was decided to get a couple of bottles of wine, I paid into the whip (£20) but I had to let them know that I have gastric reflux and cant drink alcohol so I wanted water instead as even lemonade and orange juice can affect me, she took umbrage at this for some reason basically saying she hated people like me who wanted something 'special' there was no reason for her to say that as I explained why and everyone else understood.

For most of the evening I stayed out of her way chatting happily to other members of the group but every time I looked her way she was glaring at me, my friend was getting upset and I offered to go home but she wanted me to stay and eat with them

It was suggested that we all went for a curry, now I cant eat curry but have eaten in Indian restaurants before and have had western meals or salads, I was discussing options with the waiter when this 'cow' realised what I was doing and laid into me, she basically accused me of being a racist she actually said ' I suppose you hate it when you are served by brown people and I bet you voted brexit and other really spiteful nasty things.

I didn't bother to reply to her I gave my friend a hug and said happy birthday and walked out. My friend rang me and asked me to come back I apologised for ruining her birthday but I couldn't go back I was too upset.

Got home 1/2 hour ago and cant stop crying, now I am scared that I have lost my friend over this but what was I supposed to do just sit there and take all the shit I was getting for no reason.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 28/01/2018 12:02

Well on the bright side it sounds as if you’ve made a new friend as well as meeting the mean girl. Aren’t you happy you don’t have to work for her?

Forget it and move on. You handled it well and your poor friend was in a very difficult situation.

MipMipMip · 28/01/2018 12:12

Well I guess the team bonding worked in a way - they a united in their disgust at her!

StepAwayFromGoogle · 28/01/2018 12:31

Can't actually believed nobody stuck up for you. I wouldn't give a monkey's if she was my team leader, I'd have told her she was being rude. But then I've done that before at work and got into hot water so it may be best for their careers that they didn't.

Rumbaintheraindrops · 28/01/2018 16:48

I think the friend could have least sent a text to you OP.
Though I can understand the friend last night was in an awkward position. I stood for someone I work with last year and my boss has been a cow towards me ever since

LemonysSnicket · 28/01/2018 19:37

Wtf - it was very generous of you to put in but only want water.
And you have a reason for not eating curry.

This woman is a mentalist ... I would quite frankly have wanted to rip the shit out of her ( more likely would’ve walked out like you did).

What a fucking horrible person. You poor thingFlowers

YesNotReallyNo · 28/01/2018 19:43

What a nasty piece of work.

Tipsntoes · 28/01/2018 19:59

Hmm, isn't it really very odd that friend hasn't at least sent a "are you ok, did you get home safe ?" text?

If a friend who was important enough to invite to that gathering left in those circumstances, at the very least I;d have sent that text 30mins or so after they left.

Tistheseason17 · 28/01/2018 20:32

@Oldsu
You'd stayed classy! Well done.
Don't bother putting £20 in the whipround in future. No one (normal) expects it of someone drinking water.
Nice to see others present contacted you - now you know it wasn't you (not that it ever was!)

catwoozle · 28/01/2018 20:37

Don't give her a second thought, OP. She's off her head.

thebewilderness · 28/01/2018 21:14

It is possible that your friend is deeply embarrassed and guilty for subjecting you to this authoritarian asshat. Since she already reached out to you one I am thinking she may be waiting for you to reach back, and wondering if she has lost you as a friend over being unable to curtail this inexcusable behavior by her guest.

thebewilderness · 28/01/2018 21:14

That should read once not one. sorry/

dreamies · 28/01/2018 21:38

Similar thing happened to me once, friend of a friend I'd never met before was a complete bitch to me all night, friend ended up getting upset as atmosphere was ruined by this horrible woman.
Anyway friend is now my best friend and bitch woman has never been mentioned or seen again, she really showed herself up as a nasty bitter bully.
Worst thing for me was thinking of all the comebacks I should have gave her for ages afterwards.
People like bitch woman and cow lady are just insecure and unhappy, you have to pity them really.

salsmum · 28/01/2018 23:08

Oldsu do not shed another tear for this bitch, I worked in a care setting where the boss was lovely but she was weak and the two bullies in the office made some carers lives Hell...I did nothing but be nice and professional to them but they did not treat me the same. These power hungry specimens were really toxic. You did the right thing as others have said this situation would only have got worse as the night wore on and the alcohol flowed just make sure that she isn't there in any future gatherings. Thanks stay just as you are.

SpottyGecko · 28/01/2018 23:15

Has your friend been in touch yet OP?

splatattack · 28/01/2018 23:20

Please say your friend has been in touch?

DaviesMum · 28/01/2018 23:21

I would square up to her and ask "problem, cunt?"

There's nothing quite so incendiary as that word. I remember beating up my dad's new bird with a tin of soup when I was 21 because of dirty looks and snarky comments like this sweetheart.

Time has evened out some of my edges and pulled on some parts of my body in others Grin

Oldsu · 29/01/2018 00:43

Its 12.45 friend has not been in touch I sent her a text saying I hope she had a lovely day with her parents but no reply

OP posts:
maybaby17 · 29/01/2018 01:01

Daviesmum wow, I'm equally scared, shocked and in awe lol

OP that's not fair of your 'friend' you done nothing wrong, you handled yourself in a very dignified manner. What a disgusting piece of shit this woman is. If your friend has fell out with you for this you need better friends

honeyrider · 29/01/2018 01:24

Your friend has shown her true colours since she couldn't be bothered to reply or make contact with you today. No excuse for not contacting you, it only takes seconds to reply even if only to say she'll contact you to speak about what happened.

Faithless12 · 29/01/2018 01:48

Maybe your friend thinks you create issues. Otherwise why would the first thing this woman say be about people being special. It sounds like she was warned about you. You really can’t eat anything from the menu?

emmyrose2000 · 29/01/2018 01:50

At this stage, I would class birthday girl as an ex friend. She should've been all over herself apologising for what happened. It's irrelevant that she's with her parents today. She doesn't need to be tied to them every single second.

She stood by and allowed you to be treated badly by someone she knew, at an event that she herself organised. That's not the action of a real friend. Just because this nasty woman is her line manager it doesn't give her any right to behave this way, nor is it an excuse for birthday girl to sit by and allow it to continue.

At a bare minimum, she should've sent you a quick message saying something along the lines of "so very sorry about tonight /last night. Will call you later today to talk".

Beeziekn33ze · 29/01/2018 01:53

💐

Failingat40 · 29/01/2018 03:11

I have the feeling your passive spineless 'friend ' is going to attempt to gaslight you into thinking you were somehow in the wrong that night for 'walking out on her on her birthday'.

She's twisting it to suit herself and so she doesn't have to deal with confrontation at work.

I really despise people sometimes. DONT text her any more, the more you do the more it gives her the upper hand. Thanks

stayathomer · 29/01/2018 03:35

Hope your friend gets back to you tomorrow and was just hungover or something. You have nothing at all to be sorry about

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2018 03:48

The birthday girl is being unkind by not answering you. Perhaps she’s embarrassed. It would be a shame to lose her as a friend over this. But you very much know you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m glad one of the other attendees contacted you. Perhaps out of this mess, you’ve found a new friend.

How can a boss think the evening is a team bonding exercise? It’s a non work event. And not in her honour! Obviously you can’t contact her employer over this. But it makes me wish you could as she was acting inappropriately whilst using her role and position in the company as justification.

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