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Original poster

To be devastated that someone I only met tonight could be so mean and nasty to me or no reason

224 replies

Oldsu · 28/01/2018 00:13

I have been out tonight to celebrate a friends birthday, we used to work together but she now works for a different company so everyone else in the group were her new colleagues. I got on with them all except one who immediately seemed to take a dislike to me, it started in the pub we had a whip to buy the drinks and it was decided to get a couple of bottles of wine, I paid into the whip (£20) but I had to let them know that I have gastric reflux and cant drink alcohol so I wanted water instead as even lemonade and orange juice can affect me, she took umbrage at this for some reason basically saying she hated people like me who wanted something 'special' there was no reason for her to say that as I explained why and everyone else understood.

For most of the evening I stayed out of her way chatting happily to other members of the group but every time I looked her way she was glaring at me, my friend was getting upset and I offered to go home but she wanted me to stay and eat with them

It was suggested that we all went for a curry, now I cant eat curry but have eaten in Indian restaurants before and have had western meals or salads, I was discussing options with the waiter when this 'cow' realised what I was doing and laid into me, she basically accused me of being a racist she actually said ' I suppose you hate it when you are served by brown people and I bet you voted brexit and other really spiteful nasty things.

I didn't bother to reply to her I gave my friend a hug and said happy birthday and walked out. My friend rang me and asked me to come back I apologised for ruining her birthday but I couldn't go back I was too upset.

Got home 1/2 hour ago and cant stop crying, now I am scared that I have lost my friend over this but what was I supposed to do just sit there and take all the shit I was getting for no reason.

OP posts:
DecoysBitch · 28/01/2018 08:48

Have been in similar situations before O.P. And I feel for you.

You dealt with in the right way and classily too unlike the cow 🐮.

diddl · 28/01/2018 08:49

She sounds awful.

I'm thinking that she can't be like that at work or your friend wouldn't have invited her?

Was she pissed off at someone not from work being invited?
(not that that excuses her of course)

Petalflowers · 28/01/2018 08:53

You didn't stop people drinking and didn't demand an alternative restaurent, so you were Not being an entitled princess. I'm sure the others in the group saw what she did and disliked it also. If she is team leader, maybe that's why she gets away with it.

Putyourdamnshoeson · 28/01/2018 08:55

You kept it VERY classy OP. Well done.

FWIW I might have chipped in for the wine even if not drinking, but only because it was a birthday dinner. This certainly doesnt need to be standard if you don't drink.

I have been in exactly the same situation as you OK, unfortunately on a good friend's hen do weekend away and i was stuck in an apartment with the weird spiteful woman who hated me although we just met. I wasn't drinking either, I was pregnant, but only a few weeks, so still secret (I miscarried in any case).
I'd never ever had anyone act this way before. By the wedding I had miscarried and was drinking. She was acting nicey, nicey and as if we'd never met.
Turns out she is an alcoholic. A vicious, shouty one. 10 years on, she is still friends with my friend, and she looks dreadful. She's horrible to just about everyone these days.

Speak to your friend.

Cherrycokewinning · 28/01/2018 08:55

You handled it very well. I have seen very drunk people behaving like this- seems the most likely explanation.

Obviously you can’t complain to the company she works for though. Weird suggestion

SandyY2K · 28/01/2018 08:55

This woman had a serious problem and even if she was THE CEO of my company...I'd have told her she was out of order.

Her comments make her sound unstable.

DeadButDelicious · 28/01/2018 08:56

Just one more thing - some people are really threatened by people who don't drink alcohol on a night out, not sure why but maybe that triggered it. It really seems to be an issue for some people. 

I've found the same thing. I don't drink, no issues, just don't like the taste or the effect very much. A 'friend' once went on a huge rant about how I would be spoiling her birthday if I didn't drink on her night out. In the end I didn't go as I didn't fancy being nagged all night to have a drink or accused of ruining the evening because I'd rather have an orange juice.

CasperGutman · 28/01/2018 08:57

I'd think it very odd if somebody paid into a kitty who wasn't drinking. In my experience, people don't pay in to be generous, they pay in for simplicity and the communal experience of all drinking together. And indeed they're often quite keen to "get their money's worth"!

I'd have no problem with someone not drinking, but I'll admit to finding it awkward when people in a kitty want individual drinks. They work much better when everyone's having the same. I doubt if I'd say anything though.

The rat bag woman in the op sounds awful. Her comments in the restaurant were ridiculous, and should embarrass her in the cold light of day. How much had she drunk by then?

Cheby · 28/01/2018 09:02

OP I hope your friend has been in contact with you this morning. Other woman sounds dreadful.

And you really don’t need to contribute to whip rounds if you are only drinking water.

Coffeeisnecessary · 28/01/2018 09:02

You did the right thing and she sounds like an awful bully. Hope your friend texts or calls soon and you can arrange a meal out with just the 2 of you.

StilettosAreANoNo · 28/01/2018 09:02

Oh no Sad What a vile person she sounds. She spoilt the evening, not you OP. I expect she’ll be the type to say it was all ‘just a joke’ Hmm

Feel sorry for your friend to have to work with her. I wonder as ‘team leader’ whether this woman feels securely in charge of everyone that was there, except you as you don’t work with them. Maybe that was making her act up. She sounds utter pathetic though. Walking out calmly the way you did is the best and only thing you could do.

NaturalWoman · 28/01/2018 09:04

I would also think it's odd for someone who doesn't drink to contribute to the alcohol kitty.

I can maybe see why that would get her back up, it's drawing a bit more attention to yourself than is necessary to just say, "No, I only drink water" would be. The money is to cover the cost of your alcohol. If you're not drinking, it wouldn't cost any more than if you weren't there.

I think maybe that was what irritated her initially. Maybe she felt you were 'virtue signalling' a little and it annoyed her?

Still no need for her behaviour though and the restaurant behaviour reflects badly upon her not you. Maybe she's used to being the 'special snowflake' in the group and takes umbridge to anyone who steps on her toes... Wink

blueskyinmarch · 28/01/2018 09:06

She was a cow and you handled it very well. I am sure your friend will understand. I also don't get why you put £20 in the kitty and drank water. Pubs give you free water. If we go out with non drinkers they put in less for cokes etc. If they were drinking water we would insist on them not contributing. No idea why she had to make such a fuss in the Indian though. Was she very drunk by then?

MasterWu · 28/01/2018 09:09

i'd make a written complaint to her superiors at work re her behaviour towards you. These were 'work colleagues' celebrating a colleagues birthday and she should have known better than to behave like a twat
Hmm Really? You'd make a written complaint to a company you don't work for. About a person not representing the company, not on company time, nor on company property?

What is it with women (and it's almost always women) wanting to make complaints about people's behaviour, that have broken no laws, to some sort of "higher power?"

Putyourdamnshoeson · 28/01/2018 09:09

RE the kitty, on friends birthday meals, we would often cover at least their drinks as a group, so even if not drinking, I've chipped in the same amount or almost the same to cover their drinks, does that make sense? Is that perhaps why the OP did It?

Els1e · 28/01/2018 09:15

She was horrible. You didn’t spoil the party OP. Just be glad you don’t have to meet her again. As others said, you handled the situation with dignity.

Brightredpencil · 28/01/2018 09:17

Agree with everyone above. Hopefully their meals were individually served and the waiters spat in hers!!

Rudi44 · 28/01/2018 09:30

You handled it like a pro. Remember it's her issue and not yours. She's sounds like a monster and you just happened to be in the wrong place a time the wrong time. I hope your friend at the very least messaged you to see if you got home ok.
This woman has made herself look like a total prick in front of her colleagues.

x2boys · 28/01/2018 09:36

She sounds like a complete birch some people are and its nothing to with mental illness etc but she's made herself look a twat no one else.Sad

x2boys · 28/01/2018 09:37

bitch even.

Rumbaintheraindrops · 28/01/2018 10:24

Had your friend been in touch op x

Original poster
Oldsu · 28/01/2018 11:01

Friend hasn't been in touch but I know she is spending the day with her parents.

BUT I got a facebook request this morning it was from one of the other girls in the group, we have been messaging this morning and she is deeply apologetic, she says that the 'cow' didn't want me at the celebration in the first place as she saw the outing as a team building evening as well as a birthday do but of course my friend wanted me there as it was HER birthday so I think that was part of the problem. She also said the cow was a nightmare to work for.

BTW I was drinking bottled water so I did get some of my 'whip' back.

Thanks you for all your comments I feel a bit better this morning

OP posts:
mumpoints · 28/01/2018 11:03

Team building? TEAM building from someone who is the biggest non team player in the room? Ha!

Be glad you don't work for her OP.

MaureenNervosa · 28/01/2018 11:56

She's not much of a team builder I'd say, quite the opposite.
Glad you are feeling a bit better OP and hope your friend gets in touch with you today.

HeckyPeck · 28/01/2018 11:58

I hope your friend does get in touch today.

Is she usually a supportive friend?