To be devastated that someone I only met tonight could be so mean and nasty to me or no reason

[Oldsu]

I have been out tonight to celebrate a friends birthday, we used to work together but she now works for a different company so everyone else in the group were her new colleagues. I got on with them all except one who immediately seemed to take a dislike to me, it started in the pub we had a whip to buy the drinks and it was decided to get a couple of bottles of wine, I paid into the whip (£20) but I had to let them know that I have gastric reflux and cant drink alcohol so I wanted water instead as even lemonade and orange juice can affect me, she took umbrage at this for some reason basically saying she hated people like me who wanted something 'special' there was no reason for her to say that as I explained why and everyone else understood.

For most of the evening I stayed out of her way chatting happily to other members of the group but every time I looked her way she was glaring at me, my friend was getting upset and I offered to go home but she wanted me to stay and eat with them

It was suggested that we all went for a curry, now I cant eat curry but have eaten in Indian restaurants before and have had western meals or salads, I was discussing options with the waiter when this 'cow' realised what I was doing and laid into me, she basically accused me of being a racist she actually said ' I suppose you hate it when you are served by brown people and I bet you voted brexit and other really spiteful nasty things.

I didn't bother to reply to her I gave my friend a hug and said happy birthday and walked out. My friend rang me and asked me to come back I apologised for ruining her birthday but I couldn't go back I was too upset.

Got home 1/2 hour ago and cant stop crying, now I am scared that I have lost my friend over this but what was I supposed to do just sit there and take all the shit I was getting for no reason.

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Since the initial reaction of shock and sympathy with OP, I have wondered about this weird and OTT reaction towards OP, as well as the birthday girl being rather unsupportive and extremely self-centred to not look out for a friend who was an outsider to the rest of the friendship group. I am wondering if Birthday Girl hasn’t made some unpleasant comments about OP prior to the night out. I would probably be wary of birthday girl and take my cue from her not responding. That’s shitty and not excusable.

MsWanaBanana so the answer is that you don’t know it has another meaning.

That's nice that one of the others reached out to you and acknowledged you had been badly treated. I hope that made you feel a little better.

Was she very drunk?

I’d also be wary of your older friend, OP.
I’ve had similar experiences and further down the line it’s turned out that the mutual friend has “primed” the nasty person by bitching beforehand.

The birthday girl did text OP and ask her to come back when OP left under fire from the birthday girl's boss. She could have been dealing with the fall out subsequently though I agree a further text would have been civil. Let's hope OP comes back to say her friend has been in touch and apologised for the gross behaviour of her boss. Agree with everyone that it's not great to work for a bully but sometimes needs must. But I would certainly be logging his/her behaviour then calling them out or taking it higher - if there is a higher.

Everyone else in the group was current colleagues - you are the only friend she values enough to invite from outside of work.

I would say nasty person feels very jealous of your high value status with birthday girl.

Long may your friendship continue.

As HeckyPeck said.

If someone I worked with spoke to my friend like this I would tear strips off them and ask them to leave. What a vile person.

I think you did the only thing you could have done and I hope your friend does message you back. If she doesn't though, she's not my definition of a friend, ie someone who cares, has your back, wants the best for you and so on...

I've had people call me a goody two shoes and rant at me because I can't drink on my tablets...so I know how you feel sort of. So sorry you had this happen OP

She is no friend, treating you like this, you are well rid.

What a horrible bitch! It amazes me how awful some people are. No excuse, but she’s obviously ignorant to anyone else around her. I have an allergy to capsicum so I avoid eating out at unknown restaurants as much as possible and I would not be able to eat anything in an Indian/Mexican restaurant for fear of cross contamination. I’ve been accused of being fussy and lying about my allergy as it’s not well recognised but I’ve never been accused of being racist for not eating a bloody pepper or chilli! To some people ignorance really is bliss!
You handled the situation admirably op, you should be proud of yourself for not emptying your bottled water over her head 😂 I’m sorry you had such a rubbish evening but I’d hazard a guess it would not have gotten any better if she was that nasty so early on, imagine the vile crap that could of spilled out of her mouth with more alcohol! You were better off out of her company. I hope you are feeling better now and your friend has been in touch x

Blimey. All I can say is that everyone will have seen her true colours, and I suspect they won't have liked them.

YANBU - I would have tossed my water in the bitch’s face!

What a nasty cow. Poor you. I hope she reads this and realises what people think of her. Sure your friend knows you better- ridiculous as stating the obvious but why would you go to an Indian restaurant if you’re racist - strong chance your going to be served by someone of Indian dissent regardless of what you order! They’re not going to wheel in a white British waiter just to deliver your omelette! Chin up and ignore x

You poor thing. Don't get upset. If that had been me I'd have wiped the floor with the stupid cow. Sounds like she is jealous of you. Next time you see her slap her!!xxxx

Console yourself with the fact she’s a twat.
Hope your reflux gets better

What a shame OP, put the horrible woman out of your mind, and give your actual pal a day or two to respond.

To those saying it is nothing to do with her employers - well that depends on what she does for a living. Because the majority of people (everyone except OP) at the event worked for the same company it can be construed as a works night out which, like it or not, in terms of employment law can be classified as a "work context". So if you were sexually harassed by a colleague on a works night out you can report it to your manager. Similarly if a colleague (or superior) displays bullying, abusive and racist (as was the case here) behaviour that is intimidating then you can report that.

Not that I am for a second saying OP should or shouldn't report - just thought it might be of interest.

She sounds awful and imagine the atmosphere in work today in the sober light of day. I doubt it was much better after you left
, they’d have been making their excuses to get the fuck away from her as soon as possible.

I would have been upset, too, OP, and gone home and cried and perhaps obsesses over why a stranger hates me. But I have delicate baby feelings.

Any contact from your "friend" op?

Er, you guys know a bitch is a female dog, right?

She sounds nasty, jealous and crazy. Don't give it a second thought, at least you don't have to work with her. I can't believe the friend has still not replied to your text?

Similarly if a colleague (or superior) displays bullying, abusive and racist (as was the case here) behaviour that is intimidating then you can report that.

If you're not an employee you can't. (Well you can but I doubt it would get anywhere).