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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd doesn't want to come to family wedding

268 replies

AlexanderHamilton · 27/01/2018 23:21

I guess this isn't so much of an AIBU as a Wwyd.

We've been invited to my cousin' wedding. It's the Saturday at the end of half term. It will involve 2 nights stay (travel up on Friday, wedding Saturday, travel home Sunday. He has lived quite a distance away since a child (making regular visits with his parents "home". His mother is my godmother. I've verbally said we will be able to go.

Told Dd about it today & she doesn't want to go. I understand why as it's in the middle of her GCSE's. I'd thought one weekend would be ok. I could go alone (with my parents) & dh stay home but then I know Ds will not want to go as he hates anything that will take him away from his Xbox & his theatre group & he's not good at formal occasions (asd).

If we don't go it would he seen as quite a big snub.

Is Dd being unreasonable or not?

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 29/01/2018 01:53

Dd for example needs clear instructions & no ambiguity.
So, instead of that, you give her a lot of dithering over this.

That's the obvious solution for her & what she originally suggested (just for her to stay home).
That's because she expected you to prioritise the wedding over giving her good support. It's the only way she could see of not being made to go.

sashh · 29/01/2018 04:34

But the OP’s DD isn’t your friend’s son

As the saying goes, when you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism...

FFS, that is exactly what I was saying, the OP said her daughter has ASD AND THAT IS ALL WE KNOW.

I am not assuming she is OK because my friend's son is, just that we do not know.

BashStreetKid · 29/01/2018 06:51

There's an awful lot of exaggeration on this thread. Why the assumption that the very fact OP's DD has autism means that she can't possibly be left on her own? She hasn't said so. Her DD will have had the entire half term period and beforehand to revise, and her first exam the following week is English Language for which you can only revise to a limited extent anyway. For all those getting worked up about how children must have their mothers with them when they revise, how do you imagine boarding school pupils manage?

Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 29/01/2018 07:58

There was no dithering. Dd was in bed asleep whilst most of this thread was being played out.

Saturday afternoon I memtiInes the wedding. She stated well I can't go because of my GCSE's. I was a little taken aback & said oh, we will have to think about what to do then. She said I can just stay home. We continued on our way.

Saturday afternoon at my parents I said we are going to have to have a re-think about the wedding as Dd doesn't want to go. We discussed various options & she said why can't I just stay home & you all go - I'm old enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 29/01/2018 08:13

Anyway we've moved on now to a discussion of where she should sleep during the exams themselves as she doesn't want to stay in boarding. We are currently considering the possibility of a caravan.

OP posts:
Dozer · 29/01/2018 08:18
Confused
Sevendown · 29/01/2018 08:23

I’m stunned when parents don’t prioritise their dcs education?

Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 29/01/2018 08:45

We have always oriotised our children's education from paying for independent schooling when it was deemed to be the best option, to spending money on ed psychs when we couldn't get referrals to dh now travelling 80 miles per day 6 days a week for dd to attend the school of her choice.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 29/01/2018 08:50

You mentioned boarding during the exam period. Why would you consider this when she normally travels to school every day? Would the change in routine not disrupt her?

Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 29/01/2018 09:11

Due to the distance involved there is too much danger of her missing a morning exam if for example there is an accident on the motorway.

She always boards during production time but there are particular circumstances with regards the room she would be staying in this year which means she would prefer a hotel or our caravan which can be sited nearby.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 29/01/2018 10:12

Ah right. That's understandable. I hope it all goes well for her.

alotalotalot · 29/01/2018 10:21

Yep if it was the beginning of half term it would be ok but I'd support her decision not to go for the end. And I don't blame you wanting to remove the stress of traveling and potentially being late on the exam days. She sounds very independent.

Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 29/01/2018 10:43

These dancers do become quite independent & single minded. It's a strange life they choose & they have to choose it, it cant be the parents choice.

OP posts:
KatyMac · 29/01/2018 11:10

Oh I agree with that - singe minded and stubborn!

But very hard working!

ChickenVindaloo2 · 29/01/2018 11:14

For all those getting worked up about how children must have their mothers with them when they revise, how do you imagine boarding school pupils manage?

They have teachers and other pupils on hand for support.

Mxyzptlk · 30/01/2018 01:43

Sounds like dithering on Saturday afternoon, to me.

Glad it's sorted out now.

Whiterabbitears · 30/01/2018 02:34

You don't make life easy for yourself do you OP? Now you're mithering about a caravan!

Best of luck to your DD, she sounds very motivated and deserves to do well Flowers

diddl · 30/01/2018 07:35

"we are going to have to have a re-think about the wedding as Dd doesn't want to go. "

No-can't go as has something important going on!

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