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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not lending money again to previous non-payer/Not letting go of it.

122 replies

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 27/01/2018 21:51

A few years ago I lent a small amount of money to a friend. It wasn't essential she pay me back - I could easily afford it but I did expect her to pay it back asap.

She kept on being short, making excuses and not quite having enough. In the end I said it didn't matter. I was fed up of the whole thing.

We've now fallen out as she wanted to borrow money for a non essential item (clothes shopping in town again) and I refused to lend it. I mentioned it was too much hassle and reminded her of when she'd previously borrowed money and not returned it.

She got upset that I'd held this money against her for all these years and that I had not let it go as I said I would.

Was it really bad friendship/mannered that I mentioned she's not paid me back previously?

OP posts:
Hisnamesblaine · 27/01/2018 21:53

CF right there.....

Outlookmainlyfair · 27/01/2018 21:54

I’m with you - she sounds an entitled CF

HermionesRightHook · 27/01/2018 21:54

Nope. I can quite see why you let the last lot go, but for her to a) ask again and then b) be horrible about it when you said no, is just awful. Not bad friendship and not bad mannered.

Your money is your money, and your boundaries are sensible.

TheQueenOfWands · 27/01/2018 21:54

She's just pissed that you remembered.

Original poster
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 27/01/2018 21:55

She wasn't upset I refused to lend her money again - she was upset I brought up the past money she'd borrowed and not paid back.

OP posts:
Motoko · 27/01/2018 21:56

No, you were right to remind her about the last time you lent her money.

You were also right not to lend her any this time.

mumpoints · 27/01/2018 21:58

Huh? She's annoyed because she thought you were daft enough to let her do it again.

SolemnlyFarts · 27/01/2018 21:58

Well, then she could pay you back there and then and no longer be vulnerable to being upset, no? She's probably embarrassed - she's still in the wrong, though.

Angie169 · 27/01/2018 22:00

it is always hard to ask for owed money back even if it is not much, I will not lend people money I have been burnt to often . Now I ask why they need the cash and where I can I buy what ever it is they need , nappies baby food bus fare ( I have a spare smart card ) basic household stuff, normal average about £10/£20. then ask them to give me the money back on the next pay / benefit day.

senua · 27/01/2018 22:01

she was upset I brought up the past money she'd borrowed and not paid back.

There is a difference between forgiving and forgetting.

Original poster
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 27/01/2018 22:01

I'd said it didn't matter at the time and not to bother paying it back - but she said it clearly did and she would have paid me back if she knew it was so important to me.

It did annoy me at the time and I haven't let it go because I wouldn't lend her money again as I think the exact same thing would happen again. She was still a friend - just a friend I wouldn't lend money to.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/01/2018 22:02

She's a CF. Do NOT lend her money again.

senua · 27/01/2018 22:05

she would have paid me back if she knew it was so important to me.

Shock So she's paying it back now?

No, I thought not.

Original poster
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 27/01/2018 22:07

I can't believe it's all blown up like this.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 27/01/2018 22:10

You really should have insisted she paid the money back last time. She probably genuinely thought the debt had been written off if you told her it didn't matter. But she shouldn't have asked you again this time. Just drop her. She is a cf.

Original poster
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 27/01/2018 22:12

I've had a text about basically what a crap friend I am.

OP posts:
Unicorndiscoball · 27/01/2018 22:13

Who asks their friends to borrow money for a non-essential shopping trip in town?! I can’t ever imagine asking to borrow money off a friend unless it was for absolute essentials and I had no other choice. I would be too embarrassed to even ask! Stand your ground OP, she’s being a total CF!

Tistheseason17 · 27/01/2018 22:13

YANBU.
It's blown up cause you won't let her be a CF.
Cut this friend/CF loose!

junebirthdaygirl · 27/01/2018 22:13

Idon't think you shoulld have brought up the previous money. You did tell her to leave it. Bringing it back up tarnishes any friendship ye had since as she thought it was over and you didn't . All you had to say was it didn't suit you without mentioning last time. Put yourself in her shoes.

expatinscotland · 27/01/2018 22:15

'I've had a text about basically what a crap friend I am.'

She's a manipulative CF. Fuck that! I'd text back, 'If I'm so crap then find someone else to rip off and guilt trip. Bye.' Who borrows money from a friend for clothes? A CF, of course. I'd be mortified to have to borrow from a friend, only would in dire emergency and make sure I paid it back asap.

She's a user.

Original poster
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 27/01/2018 22:15

It's pammy-no-mates need to change that name.

OP posts:
senua · 27/01/2018 22:16

What? She doesn't pay her debts but you are the crap friend? How does that work. Talk about shifting blame ...!

expatinscotland · 27/01/2018 22:16

' Put yourself in her shoes.'

Of being a CF who didn't pay back money she borrowed from a mate and then asking for more to go clothes shopping? Hmm

Original poster
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 27/01/2018 22:18

junebirthdaygirl that was exactly her POV. I just saw her as a friend I wouldn't lend any money to in future. I still saw her as a good friend - just a bit flakey with money.

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 27/01/2018 22:19

You don't sound like a crap friend to me.

In my world, if she was that upset about it, she'd be looking to pay you back asap.

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