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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD has a friend staying. And she's using us like a hotel!

311 replies

Singingtherapy · 27/01/2018 21:11

A close friend of my 15 year old daughter moved around 80 miles away in August. She and my daughter remained close and talk most days. This weekend she's come to stay with us for the first time, Friday to Sunday. We all prepared to welcome her, DD planned their itinerary, I filled the fridge with food and looked forward to hosting her for a weekend. Turns out her agenda was a little different. She arrived with plenty of money for taxis and has been out to see three different groups of friends, never inviting dd. DD is coping fine, just shrugging it off. It's not on though is it?

OP posts:
AvoidingDM · 27/01/2018 22:23

Is she back in, what time are you expecting her back?

I would message her parents via Facebook if you need to.

BoffinMum · 27/01/2018 22:24

Sounds like she is using you as a free hotel.

diddl · 27/01/2018 22:25

Is your daughter not friends with any of the others that this girl has been seeing then?

I can understand she would want to see other friends as well, so perhaps she should have stayed with someone that she wouldn't leave behind all of the time?

I think that you should have sent her home already!

Uterusuterusgarlic · 27/01/2018 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneEyre70 · 27/01/2018 22:29

Does your DD at least know where she is and what time she's due in etc? I can't believe you are so blase about it all............. Hmm

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 27/01/2018 22:30

Definitely a boy involved

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 27/01/2018 22:30

Yeah id just not have her back again. Cheeky little mare. Is your daughter not friends with the people shes out with too?.

scrabbler3 · 27/01/2018 22:30

I suspect that she's reconnected with an old boyfriend and that seeing him trumps everything, which is what tends to happen at 15. Her behaviour is really discourteous but I'm glad your daughter is ok about it.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 27/01/2018 22:31

Uterus op said the girls told her where she was going.

IamaBluebird · 27/01/2018 22:33

Hope she's back now and that you aren't having to try and find her.

londonrach · 27/01/2018 22:37

Parents need telling. Suspect a boy or else very rude. Drop at station first thing tomorrow and never seeagain. Id tell her too its rude. Doubt she listen as being 15 she knows everything.

LovingLola · 27/01/2018 22:48

I really have no relationship with the parents

Did you speak to them prior to this weekend so that they could verify that you will be around?

EssexMummy123456 · 27/01/2018 22:51

Wow - poor girl, at the age of 14/15 i was groomed by men in their 40's and late 40's - i had no home or safe place so the odd night of respite at a friends was welcome although i couldn't have articulated it at the time.

italiancortado · 27/01/2018 22:53

really have no relationship with the parents, as sometimes is the case with secondary school friends

Surely you had contact before you agreed to take the teenage girl for a weekend?

JapaneseBirdPainting · 27/01/2018 22:53

Okay my kids are younger granted, so I do not know how things work with teenagers, but if she is 15 and at yours, isn't there some expectation of some sort of parental / guardian responsibility to her?

She is not where her parents expect her to be and they expect her to be in your home? I'd be freaking out at the position she is selfishly putting you in.

hks · 27/01/2018 23:06

My daughters " Best" friend ( from nursery) did this last year. they had moved down South as her parents got a new job but come up twice a year to see family in Scotland as soon as she got dropped of at our house. she wanted to go and see another friend came back a few hrs later. had dinnera nd they watched a movie which she spent the whole night on her phone texting her friends back home which i thought was a bit rude, there was hardly any conversation between both girls ...We had arranged to have her overnight so the two of them could catch up as they hadn't seen each other for 6 months and thought they would have had loads to talk about

my daughter was upset again so just going to have her for a few hrs if she comes up again in a few weeks.

ADishBestEatenCold · 27/01/2018 23:13

"if she is 15 and at yours, isn't there some expectation of some sort of parental / guardian responsibility to her?"

^ this

GabsAlot · 27/01/2018 23:38

sorry but i think youre wrong to let her out alone

its not your place to decide what she does without u or your dd if something happened to her youre getting the blame shes a minor-i wouldnt have have friend over that far away from home without at least messaging the parents

RainbowGlitterFairy · 27/01/2018 23:49

Teenagers do go off alone but not inviting your DD?! if they're close enough that shes come to visit for the weekend then surely they're close enough to take DD to see her friends. I would mention it to the girls parents, just in case shes been off to see people she shouldn't have been and so they know why there won't be any further invites.

expatmigrant · 28/01/2018 00:05

She's 15, in your care and you will responsible if anything happens to her.

Bunchofdaffodils · 28/01/2018 00:07

Oh dear! Hope she is back in now? Op at least let us know she’s safe and sound.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/01/2018 00:13

"It's not on thought is it."
Bleedin right it's not on. The fucking audacity. Id want to know if my dd was throwing someone's hospitality back in their face.

She's swaning around going to visit friends leaving your DD out when it's her home she's staying in. Show me one mother who would go for that.
I bet you've been tempred more than once to say. "Seeing as you get on so great with XYZ I'm sure their mothers will give you a bed for the night." And cook your meals.

perper · 28/01/2018 00:15

Parents absolutely need to know- regardless of how little you know them.

Realistically, if she is meeting up with other girl friends, she'd probably have taken your daughter. There's no reason not to.

The fact that she's out at night and you haven't actually seen who she's with rings serious safeguarding concerns to me, and it worries me that you're brushing this off. As a teacher I am well aware of the frequency with which teenagers get themselves into awful situations.

You have a serious responsibility to tell her parents. She sounds like she could be very much at risk. Please don't just wash your hands of this.

Motoko · 28/01/2018 00:22

If I was her parent, I'd want to know that she wasn't with you/your DD. I can't believe your attitude. She's 15 and in your care!

gateto · 28/01/2018 01:04

I would definitely say something, lowkey but along the lines of 'are you going to stay with the friends you've been hanging out with next time?'

such bizarre behaviour, even for 15. If it is a boy/romance (could be a girl who knows!) surely she would just have told her parents she was staying with you, and then stayed there?

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