DD has a friend staying. And she's using us like a hotel!

[Singingtherapy]

A close friend of my 15 year old daughter moved around 80 miles away in August. She and my daughter remained close and talk most days. This weekend she's come to stay with us for the first time, Friday to Sunday. We all prepared to welcome her, DD planned their itinerary, I filled the fridge with food and looked forward to hosting her for a weekend. Turns out her agenda was a little different. She arrived with plenty of money for taxis and has been out to see three different groups of friends, never inviting dd. DD is coping fine, just shrugging it off. It's not on though is it?

It's one thing to say that you are responsible for the girl OP, but maybe her parents should not have allowed the visit to go ahead if she is not responsible enough visit with friends in a mature and respectful manner. If people would be angry to find out their daughter had been out when they thought they were staying with a friends family, maybe they don't know their DC well enough. I would certainly get to know the parents of a host family before I sent a child packing. It's not all the OP's responsibility.

No, it''s not on. I'd be livid.

Sorry, had an eventful night. Will give an update and then disappear as we're out all day. To recap, at 7.20 she very politely said she was going out locally to see a friend. This was rude and nasty to exclude DD, but at the end of the day she left lots of friends behind when she moved away and I just about understood that she'd want to see them. She's 15 and I knew where she was going and was happy she was safe. She said she'd be back by 10. Only she didn't come back. At all. She went on to see another crowd of friends and we lost contact with her. At 12.30 I called the police and a mising person report was filed as advised. She's now found, safe and well, severely told off and on her way home. Lesson learned!

Well the good news is her parents won’t want her anywhere near you again regardless!

That was so obviously going to happen.

What did her parents say?

I would think there are a few people who won't want their children at the OP's house now though! I wouldn't want my son near people involved with runaways and the police.

If I were her parents I woule be contacting prior to my DD visiting to discuss details etc.

They may not have done. However, you agreed to the visit and were therefore the guardian for the weekend. I would have definitely been in contact with her parents the moment this girl told me she was off elsewhere alone. Quite neglectful imo.

She was very cheeky to go elsewhere but I'm glad she's safe.

Contact her parents to say you've had to contact the police due to her disappearing and also mention that she won't be staying next time because she didn't do anything with your DD and you feel a hotel is more appropriate.

Do you think this girl kept in contact with your DD so she had somewhere to stay and not interact with your DD?

OP it doesn't matter whether you are close to her parents or not, you have a duty to tell them exactly what's been going on. Wouldn't you like to know if it was your daughter? I know I would. You can't just moan about her on Mumsnet and not fill the parents in.

Yeah, you completely dropped the ball here.

You can’t invite someone’s kid to stay and then half arse it, even if that’s what you do with your own children.

Her parents gave her permission to hang out with your child, in your care, because they obviously trust you and your daughter. They did not send her down to hang about with random s.

Do her parents know their DD rudely didn't return and had to have the police called to find her?

Surely the police will have contacted the parents, for a start to see if she was allowed to be in the OP's care?

The OP and child were subjects in a police search. The parents have to know.

No idea why you didn't contact her parents the first time she ran off to see if it was okay. As it is, job done, she won't be back. Good riddance.

Just looked it up. The police will have contacted the parents. Plus there is now a missing person's report on file containing the names and addresses of all parties in case this becomes a regular occurrence. Interestingly this means the OP is linked with the child whether they like it or not.

and there you go had no idea where she was

maybe next time you'll communicate more with the friends parents u know just to see whats what and not let random kids use your house

The thing I can't get over is that the kid is 15. Not 18. Not 17.15. A child.

The OP had a duty of care to her. At the very least she should have telephoned the parents on the first night and said;' Your kid wants to go out alone in a taxi to see other people- does she have your permission?'

I'm a bit blown away to be honest. I am a bit over protective, granted.

Wow. Never have her again, op.

Never ever have this girl again! It sounds like she just planned to use you as a hotel. She treated you and your dd which utter disrespect.

Wow, hopefully her parents deal with her and she's grounded. I'd never invite her back either

This doesn’t seem to ring true tbh. At 15 they have some freedom but to allow a friend to stay over have no contact details for their parent or atleast discuss the arrangements prior to her visiting to allowing her to use your home as a base and buggar off and do as she pleases at that age isn’t right. What if something awful had happened to her. She was in your care op and you were responsible for her safety.

Quelle surprise that the child went AWOL.

Without doubt the child did behave atrociously, BUT she is a child and while she was in your care you took no steps to safeguard her at all.

So, in my opinion, your behavior (as the adult in charge of her) was worse.

I hope other adults take better care of your daughter, should the circumstances arise.

This girl is a CF, the daughter of CFs; but OP you have been irresponsible too. You should have got a grip the moment she talked of going off in a taxi without your DD.