DD has a friend staying. And she's using us like a hotel!

[Singingtherapy]

A close friend of my 15 year old daughter moved around 80 miles away in August. She and my daughter remained close and talk most days. This weekend she's come to stay with us for the first time, Friday to Sunday. We all prepared to welcome her, DD planned their itinerary, I filled the fridge with food and looked forward to hosting her for a weekend. Turns out her agenda was a little different. She arrived with plenty of money for taxis and has been out to see three different groups of friends, never inviting dd. DD is coping fine, just shrugging it off. It's not on though is it?

Indeed aeroflot. If you let your own 15 year old child go out and god forbid something happened you wouldn’t be in “trouble” so god knows what kind of special rules people think apply here.

No wonder so many youngsters grow up to be bloody hopeless when they are wrapped in cotton wool even by the time they are 15.

Jeez when I was 15 i did my duke of Edinburgh award expedition which involved wandering through the countryside with a couple of pals for 2 days. No mobile phone no way of our parents keeping tabs on us. And my parents were strict but still let me do that!

Jesus some 15 year olds must be mollycoddled. At 15 I went abroad with my friends. Went all round the country by train. Went camping, and youth hostelling without adults. Every weekend we went out til 12am. Was great.
Whoever thought SS would get involved must be living in a bubble. Jesus I've tried to get ss to get involved with families where a mother on heroin had a partner beating the shit out of them, another where a teenage daughter have told their mother that their fathers is abusing them but after one visit drop the family (I work in the social sector and managed to get that one reviewed after weeks of pushing).

I can’t decide whether my favourite posts on this thread are the ones suggesting that OP is going to be on police and social services naughty list forever or this:

I wouldn't want my son near people involved with runaways and the police.

LOLZ

Jeez I wonder how some people here cope with real life if this is the overreaction to minor teenage drama

It was the girl’s parents responsibility to get in touch with op prior to her arrival. The fact they didn’t, to me, shows they trusted their dd to be polite and sensible. My 15 year old has been away with his friend and I made sure I spoke to his parents prior so I knew everything. I wouldn’t have expected them to contact me, why should they? My child, my responsibility.
My eldest son’s gf is coming on holiday with us, I’ve never met her parent’s. I’m expecting they’ll want to meet us before we fly their daughter out of the country but I won’t be making the first move to arrange that meeting.
This girl took advantage of being away from her parents, the op’s kindness & her poor dd who believed they were friends. She won’t get the opportunity again, I’m sure her parents are mortified & won’t be making the same mistake twice.

I know Bakedbeans, the way some were talking, you would think they were talking about a 11/12 year old, not nearly 16 year old young person, only a couple of years away from adulthood. No wonder some youngsters, I won't say all, because there are sensible parents out there, start adulthood without a clue. They are the ones that their parents apply for jobs for them, and ask employers if they can go with their child to a job interview . They are driven everywhere, and do not have a clue how to independently navigate their way round areas.

The teenage years really is preparation for adulthood, gaining independence, learning about life, weekend jobs at 16. Exactly, who was the poster who would not associate with runaways, wtaf!!!!

Who was the other poster, who seemed to know more than the Police did, and had psychic abilities to know what the Police really thought of the op, despite Police not making a big thing out of it!

Yep aeroflot or are shocked when wee Johnny or Jemima’s attitude doesn’t cut it in the world of Work and send in outraged letters when they get sacked for being shite. Embarrassing really

Exactly Bakedbeans. Or they don't want to do this or tgat or get their hands dirty as its beneath them or they just had their nails done.

My DSS's mother has treated him like many of the hysterical posters on here. She's wrapped him up so tightly in a safe little bubble all his life. Not allowed out ANYWHERE without an adult. Never been allowed to cook/use a knife. Must not use public transport. Must phone/text her several times a day if he's not with her.

He's nearly 18 now and can't do a thing for himself without getting into a panic. I swear on my life he is unable to even use a microwave or slice anything to make a sandwich. When he stays with us we still have to drive to collect him/drop him, through hours of London traffic and back because he's too scared to catch a train (we've offered to pay for his train fares btw). He's dropped out of 2 college courses because there wasn't always an adult to accompany him on the route to and from campus. He has very few friends and barely any social life. Only time he goes out to a social event of any kind is if a prearranged appropriate adult is present.

DH tried to talk about this issue with DSS's mum but she made out DH was and uncaring crap father who was deliberately trying to put their son in harms way and DSS didn't come to stay with us for about 2 months as DHs punishment for 'butting in'

It's utterly ridiculous, and really rather sad. It only proves that molly coddling teens, treating them like babies, only leads to them having zero independence and a complete lack of self confidence. Which will only ruin their future.

That's awful. I couldn't help but say something to her like "I thought you were here to visit DD, is that not the case?"

Oh god FRmer that is awful. Your DSS mother and I think his dad, have failed him. Your dh shoukd have taken matters into his own hands. You both have to, he is an adult and needs to be independent. Don't drive him, give him a bus time table and tell him to get on with it!

Aeroflotgirl tried it, DSS gets in a strop, goes back to his mum and tells her how his dad has refused to run him around and then DSS doesn't come to see his dad for several weeks. DSS lives with his mum, mum is the one who's caused this. DH is punished with not seeing his son if he dares to go outside the boundaries his ex has set.

DH knows it's awful. Hes battled with his ex for years over this babying, but all to no avail