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Original poster

Is it rude in all situations to ask for siblings to come to a birthday party?

154 replies

Allthewaves · 27/01/2018 18:39

Following on from another thread about sibling and party. I was wondering if people think it's rude in any situation to ask for sibling to come to a birthday party?

If one of my dc are invited to play centre/soft play party, I think it's fine to bring the siblings, pay them in and feed them myself at another table and they have sweets when party bags go out.

Iv been stuck for childcare and my kids have sen (i need to be nearby) so iv been to leisure parties where iv stayed in the cafe (near the hall) with siblings while one dc at the party. The parents have always some out and nicely told me off for not saying and they would have included my other children - very thoughtful.

I have my kids parties in a church hall that i cater so i really don't mind siblings as long as they let me know they are coming.

Is it rude to ask tbh I don't think so as I'd be happy to say no? I think it's rude to just turn up with siblings and leave them.

OP posts:
Founddrugsinhisroom · 27/01/2018 18:42

For play areas I do the same as you and just pay the sibling in.

Butterymuffin · 27/01/2018 18:44

Paying yourself for siblings to come in at soft play is fine. The asking thing at a church hall type party is also ok if you're stuck for any alternative, but you have to accept it if people say no as some people's budget is very tight. And yes, asking first is essential.

Idontdowindows · 27/01/2018 18:46

In you're case you're not actually taking the siblings to the party. You're going to the same venue and doing something different. So I wouldn't see what you do as taking siblings to a party.

caffeinequick · 27/01/2018 18:47

If it's a church hall type party then I ask (hubby not always about at weekends to have the other one). If it's a pay per head then I wouldn't as I've been on the receiving end and it really ramps the cost up!

PuntasticUsername · 27/01/2018 18:50

Fine to ask, fine for party hosts to say no. If I'm the host I usually lay on a few spare party bags anyway (for the benefit of the people who DON'T FUCKING RSVP AND ARE GOING TO HELL), so siblings can have one as well as the party child. No skin off my nose, and always very gratefully received!

Original poster
Allthewaves · 27/01/2018 18:51

I don't know how people have the neck to ask at pph parties.

I did ask my best friend if my other dc could come to her dc party (one of my dc is her dc friend) but I did say straight away when asking that i would give her money as it was pph and handed her the money there and then as it was cheaper than paying them in then having to buy food and dessert separately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allthewaves · 27/01/2018 18:55

puntastic. oh that's a whole separate rage I have. With dc2 first class party (left it until second year of school as his asd made it hard to settle in first year). Only got 10 bloody replies out of 35 then another mum decided to send invites out for a party in her house a week later at exactly the same time. I was sweating it. Luckily 20 turned up on the day and siblings boosted the numbers

OP posts:
Muddlingalongalone · 27/01/2018 18:55

Just replied on the other thread to say I do exactly the same OP.
I'm a single parent with no local family/free childcare. Dd1 would always miss out if I didn't ask.
I think the key is asking (nicely) not kicking up a fuss if It's tight on numbers and not possible and not expecting them to be fed/given a party bag etc

ohreallyohreallyoh · 27/01/2018 18:56

When my children were young, as a single parent, I had no choice but to take all 3 if one was invited. I always paid for them at soft play or whatever activity it was and bought them their own food but they were always there.

Original poster
Allthewaves · 27/01/2018 18:56

It def depends on the class though. Eldest dc class are fab, everyone always replied and had nearly whole class turn out - though i do wonder if it's because he a sept birthday and others are near end of school year

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 27/01/2018 19:00

I think some of the problem is that children these days always seem to go to parties with a parent/parents in tow. I'd never heard if this until having my DD (I'm an older mum and back in the 70's we were dropped off and picked up 2 hours later, even in the first years of primary school).

SheepyFun · 27/01/2018 19:00

If we're hosting a party at home, then I can probably only cope with babies (who are non-mobile) - I have to limit the numbers to 10 anyway, so really don't have space for siblings. However I'd be happy for a child to be dropped off (DD is in reception). If we were in a bigger venue, that would be different. But homes being different has probably occurred to OP.

underneaththeash · 27/01/2018 19:04

I think its rude not to ask. After a few bad experiences, we just tended to put "we are unfortunately unable to cater for siblings" on the invite. Younger/older children change the dynamic of the party.

I think if the children are year1 or over then you drop off and go. Younger children do get upset if they don't get a party bag and you feel obliged to give cake etc to siblings. My middle child does have a mild processing disorder and struggled with parties in year 1 without me, we just didn't go if DH was around.

Greensleeves · 27/01/2018 19:07

I think it's rude unless the party hosts are very close friends/family, and even then it's fine for them to say no.

Callamia · 27/01/2018 19:13

Church hall parties, I kind of assume that siblings will come. Modt of my son’s friends have younger sibs, so it’s kind of like running two slightly similtaneous parties. No one seems to really mind, and it’s not much of an extra expense .

I’d think differently if I was paying per head, or there was a safety issue (swimming or something) of course... fine if you want to bring other child/ren yourself though. I just think it’s better to ask.

crazymumofthree · 27/01/2018 19:15

I don't think it's rude they can always say no. Now our boys are that bit older lots of the mums drop off, for DS8 party I even picked a couple of his friends up (they live on the same road).

Our DS's are both diabetic type 1 so we have to stay at parties, so far we haven't had any problems, today DS had a party - Dad was with other son at his football match so I had DD, she sat with me I got her some lunch but she didn't join in - was a football party and she's only just 4 so a bit too small. She played on my phone for a bit and was happy to sit and chat and watch the others but being the third child she is quite used to ferrying the boys round to clubs etc!

Bb8isgreat · 27/01/2018 19:21

If you're staying to supervise the invited child and are ok to pay for the sibling if needed then I don't see it's a problem and wouldn't expect you to pay if there was a no-show whose space they could take only if it meant increasing the total I expected and I would always feed them, give them cake and if possible a party bag but if you were looking to drop off an extra and go then that is rude. Unless they have a history of being spiteful to my child or something similar in which case they would definitely not be welcome in any circumstances.

ShastaTrinity · 27/01/2018 19:28

In you're case you're not actually taking the siblings to the party. You're going to the same venue and doing something different. So I wouldn't see what you do as taking siblings to a party.

exactly.

Also, if the siblings seat quietly and don't join the activities - disturbing everything because they are too young or too old, then it's no problem. The nuisance are the little darlings who run around unsupervised spoiling the fun for everybody else.

It's absolutely normal around here for parents to stay and supervise their own children, so the host doesn't have to run around to check on them, to keep checking the numbers, spend the afternoon taking them to the toilets and so on. For parties at home, you could ask if you should drop and run. I don't have any home parties for exactly that reason, I am not a creche Grin

MadMags · 27/01/2018 19:29

It’s rude to ask, IMO, because you know you’re putting people in an awkward position.

Some people aren’t confident enough to just say no and shouldn’t be taken advantage of because of it.

I never understand this “having no choice” stuff either. You do have a choice! You can decline the invitation. Confused

WallisFrizz · 27/01/2018 19:31

When we’ve done a pph party, a couple of people text in advance to politely ask if they could bring a sibling due to childcare issues. In all cases they offered to pay for entry to the venue and didn’t expect for sibling to sit at party table. However, I just added them to our bill and included the sibling in the party. I didn’t mind because it was only a couple of extras and they would have paid.

I’ve had to take dc2 to a few parties when she was a baby. I didn’t ask then as she didn’t participate. As she got older, I’ve either had to arrange childcare or ask host parent with offer of payment.

SkyIsTooHigh · 27/01/2018 19:38

Taking a child and sitting nicely at the side is ok. Paying them into soft play is ok. Expecting, assuming or even asking if they can join in on the bouncy castle, have a place set for them at the table, food provided and a party bag after, is always rude IMO.

Viviennemary · 27/01/2018 19:40

Yes I think it is a bit rude to ask if siblings can come along to a party. Because it puts the host in a difficult position. If she says yes to one person it's harder to say no to another. I don't think it's quite right to take along a sibling even if you pay yourself. Why not find something else to do and let the party go on. If you're not invited you're not invited. IMHO.

Headofthehive55 · 27/01/2018 19:44

callamia
I think that is unfair on the host.

Chattymummyhere · 27/01/2018 19:44

It’s rude it puts the host in a horrible position. Even at soft play I’ve booked the whole venue before but it’s still limited numbers which counts the parents staying so even two parents staying rather than one could stop am invited child from attending.

Babies fine I would say you wouldn’t even need to ask but unless the invite states siblings welcome they don’t go.

HolyShet · 27/01/2018 19:44

Of course it's fine to ask so long as you are not expecting the hosts to incur more expense.

It's rude to assume they can just tag along.