Is it rude in all situations to ask for siblings to come to a birthday party?

[Allthewaves]

Following on from another thread about sibling and party. I was wondering if people think it's rude in any situation to ask for sibling to come to a birthday party?

If one of my dc are invited to play centre/soft play party, I think it's fine to bring the siblings, pay them in and feed them myself at another table and they have sweets when party bags go out.

Iv been stuck for childcare and my kids have sen (i need to be nearby) so iv been to leisure parties where iv stayed in the cafe (near the hall) with siblings while one dc at the party. The parents have always some out and nicely told me off for not saying and they would have included my other children - very thoughtful.

I have my kids parties in a church hall that i cater so i really don't mind siblings as long as they let me know they are coming.

Is it rude to ask tbh I don't think so as I'd be happy to say no? I think it's rude to just turn up with siblings and leave them.

Ha! Yes, we didn’t make that mistake again Pancake .

I have my teacher stare. We wouldn't get nonsense for long,

I pretty much had to stay at every party our girl went to. If there was a younger sibling and Mr Foo was working, i’d have had to bring them with me so I’m not unsympathetic. But, if a parent brings a sibling and does a drop and run, I wouldn’t be too happy about it.

Well no, obviously not, but again, no different to a party guest doing the same thing which does happen at parties. I would assume their parent would remove them and tell them off, if not I would have to.

Why?

Because I’ve had wine

No it's not more likely to happen with a sibling but the point is it can choose who to invite. You can't choose the extras they rock up with or that you have to invite bexause they're parents have asked and you don't want a conversation about how much of a little shit spirited they are.

So say no Blue. Say you've already said yes to other siblings and you don't want the birthday child outnumbered with older/younger. Or tell the truth and tell them exactly why. Deal with it! It's a yes/no question, you can say no!

Quite frankly it's rude not to invite siblings. Either a named invite for siblings you know ands general sinlibgs welcone line at the bottom of all invites to catch the Ines that you are unaware of.

@BlueMirror it sounds as if you’ve had an awful experience.

Because I’ve had wine

I'm assuming you're trying to be clever, but I can't work out what you're at.

Yes that is how it is viewed round here Eggson. Eyebrows are raised when they are not invited.

I try to have sympathy for parents of ‘spirited’ children and am not less likely to invite them. Parenting is bloody hard sometimes and unless they are actively harming others and cannot be redirected then they are still welcome. If nothing else but to help their parents have a break; we’re all in this together.

So you'd tell a mother you didn't like her child or that your child doesn't like them - possibly while they're there?
And as for it being rude not to invite siblings! How entitled is that? We had 45 kids at my child's last party with their class at school, friends from out of school and family children. There was no way we could have invited everyone's siblings. Nor would my child have wanted to.

Ha! Yes, we didn’t make that mistake again Pancake
We've all done it the once right?
(Remembers the tail-less one eared holy cat cake that I'ld foolishly left out in display because I was proud of my handiwork. And it wasn't just the one there were several little pickers but I blamed my own poor child-herding skills for it and laughed at the time!)

So you'd tell a mother you didn't like her child or that your child doesn't like them
That's one option. There are other ways to say no, you don't always have to give a reason.

No I would never tell a parent I didn’t like their child. Nor would I usually intervene. But if another child is upsetting my child then yes I will ask them to stop or ask their parents to stop them.

Does depend what it is though. If my child just doesn’t want them there with no reason then they would be told to just get on with it and not to exclude people.

Perhaps it's a geographic thing.

As I said it's only a certain type of parent around here that does it, and they're to be avoided like the plague!

People using kids parties to socialise is my idea of hell, tbh!

Can't people just explain if they have childcare issues? Just say they have to look after the sibling/s on their own that day and then ask whether drop and run or siblings amusing themselves at the party venue is appropriate and leave the host to make a decision.

Some people really do like to make life more complicated than it is, or take offence at anything

I have always asked if sibling can come along and never had to pay as the play centres just shoo you in!
We had an invitation for a party tomorrow. I sent a text to say we were going, got a reply saying siblings and both parents welcome, plenty of food for everyone which was nice.

Ahh sorry I misunderstood the question. Well as Pancake said I would try to be more tactful about why they couldn’t come.

If my child just found them annoying them they would be told we need to be nice to people and I would not refuse the invite.
Actively dangerous / upsetting my child or others well then I would need to find an excuse and if that didn’t work, tell the truth.

I have always asked if sibling can come along

Why, though?!

Invite siblings? Where's the cut off though? Several of us have families with 4/5 children so I think it would be unmanageable very easily.

Because parties are a social occasion for all ages. It is when you moan with other parents, check who is in which class, younger siblings mix with people they will go to school with, older siblings practice looking after younger ones with parents still there. If siblings come then parents are more likely to stay which means less kids for me to be fully responsible for if I am hosting. I guess it is like an extension of playgroup / the school playground but with coffee and food.

Apparently not thurlow
Apparently you must decline and await the hosts psychic powers to tell them your decline will switch to an accept if the host chases you up with subsequent sibling invited

But you cannot be straightforward and lay your cards on the table...
No no no
No grown up conversations
Because being honest is manipulative in MN land.

I just don’t get why people wouldn’t invite their child’s friend because their parent is a so called ‘cf’.

I hate taking my youngest to a party my eldest is invited to with a passion.

He is a spirited child and he’s to control ( I do try my best though and constantly watch him).
I would much rather say no and decline.

But it’s not fair on my eldest.
And if the parents of her friend arenoknwith it then he will go.
But I will try my hardest to not let him join in.
If he insists on going on a bouncy castle with 6 year olds - well its his own fault if he’s hurt.
He loves the cakes but never gets the chance to poke his fingers in despite his best efforts.

Thankfully the next few party invites are for him and I have no childcare issues!

Yeah, the school playground ccomparison makes it worse, not better