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Original poster

Is it rude in all situations to ask for siblings to come to a birthday party?

154 replies

Allthewaves · 27/01/2018 18:39

Following on from another thread about sibling and party. I was wondering if people think it's rude in any situation to ask for sibling to come to a birthday party?

If one of my dc are invited to play centre/soft play party, I think it's fine to bring the siblings, pay them in and feed them myself at another table and they have sweets when party bags go out.

Iv been stuck for childcare and my kids have sen (i need to be nearby) so iv been to leisure parties where iv stayed in the cafe (near the hall) with siblings while one dc at the party. The parents have always some out and nicely told me off for not saying and they would have included my other children - very thoughtful.

I have my kids parties in a church hall that i cater so i really don't mind siblings as long as they let me know they are coming.

Is it rude to ask tbh I don't think so as I'd be happy to say no? I think it's rude to just turn up with siblings and leave them.

OP posts:
PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 21:24

I’ve declined invitations in the past because not going to a party won’t kill my child

I've been to a kids party where we were one of only 5 who came out of 30 invited. She was gutted even though her parents and those of us there tried to make it as good as we could.

I try to get my kids to their friends parties if they can. It won't affect MY kids if they don't go, but a disappointed birthday girl/boy, while not my or my kids responsibility, isn't something you forget Sad

bridgetreilly · 27/01/2018 21:24

I always think it's rude, tbh. I understand that you can't always sort out childcare, especially if you need to stay at the party, but in that case, I think the right thing to do is decline the invitation.

However, simply taking the other children to the same place, paying for them and eating separately is not 'taking the siblings to the party'. It's perfectly fine.

MadMags · 27/01/2018 21:25

Pancakes - it’s not playing games. It’s explaining that the invitation doesn’t suit your circumstances but giving the host the option of deciding to accommodate you.

Game playing or not being an entitled CF. I guess it depends on perspective.

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 21:27

In my experience of a decade of kids parties I have only ever known more children turn up than have rsvp'd and that includes people who didn't reply, people who declined but changed their mind and turned up anyway, uninvited siblings and on one occasion the next door neighbours kid that the mum was minding (hadn't even rsvp'd for her own child). The cheek of people never ceases to amaze me.

flower11 · 27/01/2018 21:34

Luckily most people in real life are nicer than people on here other wise my dd would have missed out on every single party she was invited to last year as she is only 4 and no one was doing drop and runs. Her brother is a toddler and I work every Saturday. No one had a problem wit dh aasking. Most of her class have siblings that turn up at most parties. Often both parents have stayed and parties have been parents socialising too.

MadMags · 27/01/2018 21:39

Yes, luckily most people are nice enough not to expect other people to prioritise their needs over the party child, their budget, their preferences for the party they're hosting...

MrsDilber · 27/01/2018 21:41

I think it's cheeky to ask and puts pressure on the host.

RainbowBriteRules · 27/01/2018 21:43

Yes, on MN it is frowned upon but in real life, at least for me, I expect siblings to attend and am not remotely upset if I am asked if they can come. I always have extra party bags, try to invite as many siblings as possible and if I can’t they can pay extra to attend (eg soft play). I have never hosted a party which was so limited on numbers that siblings couldn’t attend as I know that would cause all sorts of problems.

It’s totally normal and expected round here for siblings to come, whether invited or not. They usually come with a packed lunch and if they are much older, an iPad / game etc to amuse themselves with. Younger ones join in and if the older ones do they are usually the most popular people there (after the birthday child of course!).

I would always ask first though of course and would decline the invite if not possible, or drop and run but that is age dependent.

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 21:44

Believe me. People do have a problem with you asking. They are just polite enough not to tell your dh how cheeky he is! Don't tell me he probably has the toddler with him when he asks so the host would actually have to say no to them and risk making them cry as well!
If your dh said that your dd couldn't come due to having no-one to look after the toddler the majority of people would tell him to bring him I'm sure. And as a bonus the other parents wouldn't be resenting you wangling an invitation for your other child.

flower11 · 27/01/2018 21:46

We have paid for Ds at soft play parties others have been church hall ones where numbers don't really matter. Most people are actually genuienly nicer than you madmags. And have brought siblings to Dd's party too.

MadMags · 27/01/2018 21:50

Most people are actually genuienly nicer than you madmags.

What an odd thing to say! Grin

You don't know me, lol!

Anyway, more than one person has said they don't like it.

Also, this "only on MN" thing is a bit mad, as though we're not real people who do actually live in the real world!

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 21:52

So did numbers not matter at the church hall party I did for my ds when so many older siblings turned up that none of the little ones, including my ds whose birthday it was, could get on the bouncy castle without much bigger kids crashing into them?
People seem to think that 1 extra won't matter forgetting that most of the people invited have 1 or more siblings.

QueenDramaLlama · 27/01/2018 21:52

I always ask. My partner works most weekends so it's ask or don't go.
I always add siblings onto my invites, the more the merrier at a party.

RainbowBriteRules · 27/01/2018 21:53

I’m currently planning my DC’s party. I’ve told everyone to feel free to bring siblings. Just like everyone else does round here. Can’t imagine not doing it as it would be considered quite rude to say no siblings were welcome. It has only happened on a couple of occasions in the many, many parties we have been to. And no, I am not that parent who always brings the sibling, I just like to people watch and see what everyone else does!

RainbowBriteRules · 27/01/2018 21:56

Blue, I would factor in probable older siblings when planning entertainment. One bouncy castle in the room is always a nightmare if the birthday children in question are young.

tigerbasil · 27/01/2018 21:57

We have this next weekend, I have an 18m old and a 3 year old, the party is limited in numbers so I've had to find hildcare for my youngest or my oldest couldn't go (which if we couldn't find childcare would have been fine to not go as thems the rules!)and I'm close friends with the party child's mum.

Another parent has said their oldest wouldn't be able to come if they don't bring the youngest as they don't have childcare for the youngest. Party mother said sorry, it's limited numbers. Other parent kept on saying how it would be so sad for child to miss out, and they would keep the youngest off soft play stuff so it's fine. Same age as my youngest, not a chance that kid will be kept off the soft play and I'm a bit pissed off ive spent my time scrabbling around for childcare and I'm paying £12 an hour for someone to look after my child for three hours so £36 when someone else isn't having to do that. It's not fair at all.

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 21:57

They were fine actually when they didn't have 9 yr olds landing on top of them!
And no I wasn't going to pay for extra entertainment for people my child didn't want at their party but came anyway.

SkyIsTooHigh · 27/01/2018 21:58

Those saying they always ask, what does the sibling then do at the party? There's a world of difference between sitting quietly with some toys or a book vs joining in the pass the parcel and expecting to be fed and party bagged.

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 21:58

Do you just have the one? Ive never heard parents of multiples express horror @ mixed ages playing/bouncing together.

I have siblings so don't mind people bringing siblings as I'm not horrified by scary big kids going near my little kid, plus it's nice for my big'un to have a few other big sis 's or bros to hang out with.

It's really NOT the problem for everyone that it is for you. I'm happy to welcome sibling s: the more the merrier.

And the way to find out if the host is like you or like me is to ASK

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 22:01

tigerbasil, why don't you and the other parent pair up in future? One of you take both the invitees and the other host a playdate for the two others?

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 22:01

No I don't just have one. No problem with kids bouncing together but when 9yr olds are playing boisterously and wrestling etc and the 4 yr olds are scared to go on I have a problem.
I did tell them to calm it down a few times but I didn't really appreciate spending a lot of the party having to police the behaviour of a load of kids who weren't invited and we're ruining it for the birthday child.

Luckymummy22 · 27/01/2018 22:03

The thing that makes my child enjoy his/ her birthday party most is Friends being there.
I try and do it someone local as a lot of classmates do not have transport.
I do it somewhere that exact numbers are not required
I do extra party bags so if kids who’s parents have not RSVP turn up then it’s no issue.
I am terribly bad a judging how much food to prepare so always end up feeding 5000.

Basically I want all children to enjoy and all children and their parents to feel welcome.

I would love to put on the invites not to bring presents (or come and I will supply them for my child) as I hate that some kids can’t come because their parents can’t afford a present.

I actually think parties are important for children to get the opportunity to socialise outwith school.

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 22:05

tigerbasil that does seem unfair but rest assured that other parent has probably made that the last invitation their child will receive from that mother!

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 22:05

Those saying they always ask, what does the sibling then do at the party?

Hang out with the others their age. My parties don't have strict age ranges, I invite cousins and friends so there's a mix anyway as well as the birthday child's own siblings
They usually hang back at food/party bag time until I say it's fine they can join in. I don't wanna be taking home left over tat/party food out of principle lol

RainbowBriteRules · 27/01/2018 22:07

YY Lucky.

Sky, if there is a smallish age gap they just join but absolutely no expectation of a party bag (although many people have extras just in case). If a bigger age gap and it is a younger child, that can be more challenging but they can often join in something age appropriate (primary age children here) or parents will have brought toys. TBH what usually happens is there are a few younger siblings so they all play together.

Older siblings it is a mixed bag, some will join in and often the birthday children love it, others will have a tablet / phone / homework / comic etc. Food, there is usually tons, easily enough for adults there so they just have some of that. Soft play, etc, buy own meal. They usually bring a lunchbox just in case.

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