Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it rude in all situations to ask for siblings to come to a birthday party?

154 replies

Allthewaves · 27/01/2018 18:39

Following on from another thread about sibling and party. I was wondering if people think it's rude in any situation to ask for sibling to come to a birthday party?

If one of my dc are invited to play centre/soft play party, I think it's fine to bring the siblings, pay them in and feed them myself at another table and they have sweets when party bags go out.

Iv been stuck for childcare and my kids have sen (i need to be nearby) so iv been to leisure parties where iv stayed in the cafe (near the hall) with siblings while one dc at the party. The parents have always some out and nicely told me off for not saying and they would have included my other children - very thoughtful.

I have my kids parties in a church hall that i cater so i really don't mind siblings as long as they let me know they are coming.

Is it rude to ask tbh I don't think so as I'd be happy to say no? I think it's rude to just turn up with siblings and leave them.

OP posts:
PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 22:07

Luckymummy22 thats exactly how I feel about parties!

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 22:09

As I said before big siblings can be great with shy/timid kids, and are generally the ones to alert to adults if any of the little ones aren't okay as the parents tend to be busy nattering and aren't as good at supervising as the big bro s/sises.

DailyMailareDicks · 27/01/2018 22:10

If I know the siblings I always make a point of inviting them too, but normally after I know final numbers. Eg DC really looking forward to party next week, please feel free to bring siblings.

I've also had siblings turn up without invite and I've made a point of encouraging them to join in. I make sure I have a few extra party bags just in case.

QueenDramaLlama · 27/01/2018 22:12

Luckymummy22 I feel the same. Parties should be fun.

MadMags · 27/01/2018 22:12

But this is all down to people just not willing to have their kids miss the odd party. That's genuinely weird to me. I wouldn't be comfortable putting someone in an awkward position for a party. It's really unfair, IMO.

And it always comes from a very particular type of parent around here...

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 22:15

The fact you love having siblings at your parties doesn't mean you get to foist your own uninvited children in others parties though. If your other children are helpful, get on with the birthday child and are wanted there then they'll be invited. If they aren't invited that means they aren't wanted at the party.

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 22:16

But this is all down to people just not willing to have their kids miss the odd party

Nope you've got it backwards
This is all down to people not wanting their own kids party to be thin on the ground because MN told their classmates parents that you must never even ASK if siblings can come and you should just decline.

I want as many of my kids friends to come as possible, so siblings are welcome if that makes it happen

tigerbasil · 27/01/2018 22:17

@PancakeInMaBelly that's a really good idea but as my oldest is only young I like to be there as I don't think he'd cope very well with going off with someone else and all that especially in a busy party environment as he can be a bit velcro for the first 15 mins or so

, also the child in question is rather spirited so I wouldn't like to take responsibility for this particular child especially at a party with lots of sugar! ( I also wouldn't like to leave mine with the parents as I have seen them ignore their child being a bit violent!) Maybe when they're all a bit older it would work though! Usually my husband can look after our youngest at weekends anyway,

RainbowBriteRules · 27/01/2018 22:17

MadMags, I suppose it depends how you view it. I’m not willing to risk loads of people not able to come to my DCs’ parties as they don’t have childcare for siblings. I also don’t want their friends to miss out. If one parent works every weekend or is single parent it is potentially every party they would miss.

Parties are great. The more the merrier. Here most parents stay and gossip and eat party food while all the siblings play. Absolutely people do not want to miss out on that.

Luckymummy22 · 27/01/2018 22:18

I would happily have my kids miss parties.

But I don’t want anyone to miss my parties.

And I’m going to be really stereotypical and ask you MadMags - do you live in the South East? Or do your kids go to Private School? Very naughty I know lol

Lizzie48 · 27/01/2018 22:18

My DD2 is invited to far more parties than DD1. When the party takes place at a soft play centre, we sometimes pay for DD1 to go to and buy food for her. If it's a private party at a parish hall we don't take her. I don't like to ask, as there are no childcare issues for us, one of us takes DD2 to the party, and the other one stays at home with DD1 or does something else with her.

I did once have a parent bring a sibling into the party room to eat the food when at a soft play party for DD1, but there was enough food, so I didn't make an issue out of it.

Brighteyes27 · 27/01/2018 22:19

Out of courtesy I would just say yes thank you x can attend x’s party. I will have to bring x’s sister/brother along as I have no childcare for them but don’t worry (I will pay them in and buy their lunch).

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 22:19

The fact you love having siblings at your parties doesn't mean you get to foist your own uninvited children in others parties though.
I don't. I actually don't have to.
The fact that you don't like having siblings at your parties doesn't mean that everyone should automatically decline every party they don't have sibling childcare for

If your other children are helpful, get on with the birthday child and are wanted there then they'll be invited. If they aren't invited that means they aren't wanted at the party.
No. It doesn't. It means they're not welcome at YOUR party. They are welcome at mine. They way to find out which is to ask

RainbowBriteRules · 27/01/2018 22:21

I think the key is to put ‘siblings welcome’ on the invite if you do want siblings to come / have no problem with it. Otherwise there will be people who don’t ask for fear of being rude.

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 22:21

Wouldn't the answer be to just put siblings on the invitation if it's the more the merrier and you're happy to have them all there?
There are friends my kids have that they love but their siblings aren't particularly nice to them. If I/my child wants a sibling to come they are invited. If they're uninvited they're not invited. Simple really.

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 22:22

Surely the way to find out who is invited to a party is to look at the invitation?

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 22:23

I don't know many of my kids friends siblings BlueMirror as during the week I don't do many school runs. Half the fun of kids parties is meeting/connecting with your kids friends families.

I get to know them for next time if they asks to come this time though Wink

MadMags · 27/01/2018 22:24

And I’m going to be really stereotypical and ask you MadMags - do you live in the South East? Or do your kids go to Private School? Very naughty I know lol

Why?!

RainbowBriteRules · 27/01/2018 22:24

But Blue, I don’t know the family details of all my DC’s school friends and they don’t know mine. So if it is not a good friend or a new friend you may not even know they have a sibling (although I do write siblings welcome on all invites).

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 22:25

Well when one comes who runs around smacking everyone, sticks their fingers in the cake and blows out your kids candles I'm sure you'll be looking forward to the parent assuming they am being them next time!

RainbowBriteRules · 27/01/2018 22:27

I’ve had that! A spirited younger sibling. He timed it perfectly and it was all caught on camera. We relit the candles and got on with it.

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 22:27

*they can bring them next time

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 22:27

That's not more likely to happen with a sibling than with an invitee Blue though is it?

and if you leave the cake at finger level prior to cutting it you're a bit of a rookie

BoffinMum · 27/01/2018 22:28

I always invite the whole family as I like to see everyone while the kids are playing.

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 22:28

And what about a sibling that actively upsets your child? Still keen for them to tag along and ruin their birthday?