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Original poster

Is it rude in all situations to ask for siblings to come to a birthday party?

154 replies

Allthewaves · 27/01/2018 18:39

Following on from another thread about sibling and party. I was wondering if people think it's rude in any situation to ask for sibling to come to a birthday party?

If one of my dc are invited to play centre/soft play party, I think it's fine to bring the siblings, pay them in and feed them myself at another table and they have sweets when party bags go out.

Iv been stuck for childcare and my kids have sen (i need to be nearby) so iv been to leisure parties where iv stayed in the cafe (near the hall) with siblings while one dc at the party. The parents have always some out and nicely told me off for not saying and they would have included my other children - very thoughtful.

I have my kids parties in a church hall that i cater so i really don't mind siblings as long as they let me know they are coming.

Is it rude to ask tbh I don't think so as I'd be happy to say no? I think it's rude to just turn up with siblings and leave them.

OP posts:
MadMags · 27/01/2018 22:45

Yeah, the school playground ccomparison makes it worse, not better Grin

Lizzie48 · 27/01/2018 22:46

At soft play centres, parents are mostly expected to stay, so if they're paying for the sibling it isn't really an issue. If you're not staying, then there's no way you should expect to be able to leave the sibling there as well. That's basically just a way to wangle free childcare, very cheeky.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 27/01/2018 22:48

Quite frankly it's rude not to invite siblings.

No, it isn't. Don't be so utterly ridiculous.

What IS rude - really fucking rude, actually - is assuming that it's ok just to gatecrash a church hall party with the extra uninvited children. Snobby-fucking-tastic. A party is a party, wherever it is. Your invited child's sibling was NOT invited and doesn't have to be. I'm fine with people asking, village parties here are laidback, but this idea here of hey, it's a church hall? Grow up and have some fucking manners.

Headofthehive55 · 27/01/2018 22:50

No, have never invited siblings and no I wouldn't be able to accomodate them. We often have small parties in our own house. For example a Lego building party. Accepting extra people is expensive when you've bought Lego kits to build.

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 22:51

That's fine Head
It's fine to say no
It's also fine to ask.

WaxOnFeckOff · 27/01/2018 22:56

I think it's always rude to ask tbh.

I'd rather people asked to drop and go if they don't have childcare. Mine are older now and past all that but they were only a year apart and yes one of them was often disappointed if their sibling got invited to a cool party that they would also enjoy. That's just life though.

Having said that, when my DC had a party, it was usually a joint one in the house and garden and we often invited whole families, but that was clear on the invite.

Headofthehive55 · 27/01/2018 22:56

Your parties sound very different to ours rainbow.
When we have a party, I certainly do not have any chance to chat to other mums - I'm running the party, have made activities and lots of games.

Headofthehive55 · 27/01/2018 22:59

I find it rude to ask. If I wanted the sibling, their name would be on the invite.
Im happy for the child not to come if childcare makes it impossible. However all of our parties are drop and run. So there is never any need whatsoever to bring a sibling.

RainbowBriteRules · 27/01/2018 22:59

Head, yes, to be fair when I am hosting there is not time to chat but at least most of the other parents get to. When I am at a party my child has been invited to (rather than their own party) then that is when we chat.

RainbowBriteRules · 27/01/2018 23:00

Just to clarify I would never bring a sibling without checking first and certainly not dump them as an extra at a drop and run party!

Lizzie48 · 27/01/2018 23:05

For those of you saying that it's rude to bring siblings and you shouldn't ask, what about soft play parties that are at places that are open to the public? Is it still rude if you pay for the sibling and stay there yourself? Obviously it's a given that the sibling wouldn't go into the party room or get a party bag.

This is a genuine question, as in the past we've paid for DD1 to go to the play centre but not to be part of the party.

Luckymummy22 · 27/01/2018 23:06

Some of us are not at the drop and run stage though. My youngest is 3 so just starting to get party invites. I couldn’t leave him and it’s not fair for the hosting parents for me to do that. I would always ask if my eldest could come along (but not expect it to be agreed) and she would be told to sit beside me and I would take snacks for her. For the life of me I can’t see how that is rude?

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 23:15

"I think it's always rude to ask tbh. ".
But it's not though, it's not always rude to ask if some people find it rude and other people don't and would rather be asked.
That's not "always" rude. That's just sometimes rude, to some people..

Headofthehive55 · 27/01/2018 23:21

Mine started parties at 3 and we have never had a problem with leaving them or having children left with us. However, the parties were always very select and only children of friends.

WaxOnFeckOff · 27/01/2018 23:21

Pancake - if you think it's not rude that's fair enough. I was expressing my opinion - hence the "I think" Hmm

But, I also think that you are kidding yourself. If people wanted a sibling included they would address the invitation to them also. Mostly, I think, if they say it's okay it's because they haven't got the balls to say no yo some cheeky fucker who asks..

WaxOnFeckOff · 27/01/2018 23:23

For those of you saying that it's rude to bring siblings and you shouldn't ask, what about soft play parties that are at places that are open to the public? Is it still rude if you pay for the sibling and stay there yourself? Obviously it's a given that the sibling wouldn't go into the party room or get a party bag.

If it's open to the GP and you are paying and making sure the sibling isn't at the party table or hanging next to the party bags, it's completely acceptable.

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 23:24

But, I also think that you are kidding yourself. If people wanted a sibling included they would address the invitation to them also. Mostly, I think, if they say it's okay it's because they haven't got the balls to say no yo some cheeky fucker who asks

Never mind that I'm not the only poster who has said that as hosts we
A. Really REALLY don't mind
And
B. Don't always know our kids friends siblings (or even if they have any...It gets that way when your kids are older: their friends are no longer your friends kids)

Headofthehive55 · 27/01/2018 23:28

By the time I no longer know my childrens friends family - our parties have become very specific when you pay per child. Perhaps taking them somewhere in our car.

WaxOnFeckOff · 27/01/2018 23:31

I think you need to understand that you are in a minority pancake

I'd also add that in about 10 years of parties, I've never been asked and also never asked. It really doesn't seem to be a common thing.

I have been asked once for a sibling to attend when the party to which one of my DC was invited had a few call offs and they wanted to keep the numbers up.

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 23:32

That's nice for you Hive
But lots of parents work through pick up time and only get to meet their kids friends parents for the first time at parties

Lots of kids don't go into reception with their nct/playgroup/nursery buddies in bigger towns, and have a whole new bunch of friends by their 5th/6th birthday that they want to invite, so...

Originalfoogirl · 27/01/2018 23:33

Quite frankly it's rude not to invite siblings.

What a load of rubbish. Our girl has parties at home, she invites the children she is friends with. Why would she want their younger siblings to come too? And if each of her eight guests has one sibling, all of a sudden I have 16 kids of varying ages to cater for? If eight is my limit, she has to ditch four of her friends so four random kinds she doesn’t know can come to her party?

If you have a party, is it rude of you not to extend the invite to your adult guest’s siblings? If not, why is it rude not to invite siblings to a child’s party?

MadMags · 27/01/2018 23:36

@Lucky you never did say why you were asking about where I live and where my kids go to school...

SpiritedLondon · 27/01/2018 23:37

Quite frankly it's rude not to invite siblings what a bull-shit comment. Most parties I've participated in have been restricted on numbers one way or another. A lot of parties in our neck of the woods have entertainers who limit numbers or the venues are expensive - up to £15 per child. If im going to all that effort and expense then I want my daughter to have the choice of guests and not have people she doesn't know foisted on her. This would of course be different if we were inviting family friends but in this case we're talking about children I sometimes don't really know at all - let alone their siblings. I don't really understand either why " childcare" is cited as a reason. Surely beyond reception years you don't need to stay for the party. Part of the pay off of spending practically every weekend ferrying around and buying endless gifts is the opportunity to enjoy a coffee or lie down in a darkened room in peace. ( or uninterrupted housework as is more likely the case)

PancakeInMaBelly · 27/01/2018 23:37

If you have a party, is it rude of you not to extend the invite to your adult guest’s siblings? If not, why is it rude not to invite siblings to a child’s party?

Depends. If the sibling lives down the road and they see each other all the time it'd be a bit odd if they couldn't go anywhere separately

If for example their sibling was visiting from abroad for a few days at the time of my part it seems a reasonable ask, and I'd probably enjoy meeting them

Witchend · 28/01/2018 00:02

I think the only occasion it wouldn't be rude to ask is when you have the kind of relaxed friendship where you do ask (both ways) if it's okay. I have two friends I had that sort of relationship with, where we could ask-and knew if it was an issue the other person would say no, with no hard feelings either way.

I wouldn't count paying for siblings entry and keeping them out of the party tea as bringing siblings along.

Any party has issues with siblings.

Pay per entry-obvious
Church hall can have an entertainer who charges per person.
If you have an activity it can be unsuitable for other ages-I've been at a party where an older sibling effectively took over the bouncy castle simply by being big and bouncing wildly.
Party games-an older sibling can win by simply being old and more able, I've been at a party where an uninvited older child did pretty much a clean sweep of any prizes going, and one where an older child spent a lot of time jeering at the younger ones as he beat them.
I've also been at a party where a younger one cried loudly and dramatically every time they didn't win, which put rather a damper on it.

I think if you have to take siblings you do as the Op said, have them outside, or pay for entry, and you make it clear they won't join in party tea nor expect party bags.