Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's stolen my wedding...

339 replies

daftpink · 27/01/2018 18:07

I feel really angry with my BF right now and can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not...

I am getting married in June - we're having a 'wedding weekend' and have hired a lovely large house & guest cottages with an indoor swimming pool, games room etc from the Friday to Monday for our 25 guests.

We have organised a meal on the Friday night, a BBQ Party for the Saturday after the registry office and then a chilled out pool party on the Sunday.

My BF also has her wedding planned for September - a more formal church affair with sit down dinner etc.

Only now, BF has announced that the wedding plans have changed as she is 8 weeks pregnant....and that she has just booked the same house and is planning to invite close family and friends to join them for a relaxing weekend away to celebrate their wedding - 5 weeks before my wedding!

Our friendship group is the same, so other than family, we will have the same guests.

Basically, now her wedding will be almost the same as mine, but as hers is first, I'm the one that will look like I copied her!

Aibu to be absolutely livid that she's done this to me?

OP posts:
mydietstartsmonday · 27/01/2018 23:29

This is no friend. Do not go to her wedding and uninvite her to yours.
You don’t have to tell anyone but get this toxic person out of your life.
Good luck your wedding will be amazing x

Motoko · 27/01/2018 23:34

OP, you're not saying much.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/01/2018 23:36

Gosh, it’s almost like she went out... on a Saturday night... shocking behaviour

Motoko · 28/01/2018 00:06

Well, don't start a thread a short while before going out. Wait until you've got time to answer the inevitable questions that will be asked.

EmpireVille · 28/01/2018 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HeckyPeck · 28/01/2018 00:14

Well, don't start a thread a short while before going out. Wait until you've got time to answer the inevitable questions that will be asked.*

Grin
TournesolsetLavande · 28/01/2018 05:17

I'm with mydiet actually, she's really pushing you to the limits of endurance and if you suck this up with good grace then you are going to be walked all over by her for life. She doesn't respect you and doesn't care about your feelings. Either that or she has weird Single White Female tendencies and wants to be you.

Either way, this is seriously unacceptable behaviour that no true friend or sane person would indulge in. You should wave her a permanent goodbye. Don't go to her wedding and retract the invitation to yours and make sure that all of your mutual friends know exactly why.

PaperdollCartoon · 28/01/2018 07:48

EmpireVille don’t be a troll hunter, there’s lot of people here (myself included) who don’t have children. Mumsnet is a big and active forum, much of which has nothing to do with babies or children.

SillyMoomin · 28/01/2018 07:58

Sod off Empire, you don’t need to have children to be on mumsnet.

I used to come on here before I had kids to read about all kinds of threads

T1M2N3T4 · 28/01/2018 08:13

Please please please do not have a baby just to steal her baby name - that is silly.

Get a cat or a dog instead that's much worse. And make sure it's ugly! Wink

EmpireVille · 28/01/2018 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KillSwitch · 28/01/2018 09:10

OP have a look at your councils website (the antisocial behaviour section) and see if they have a "community trigger". It's a way for you to effectively complain about the response to your reports of antisocial behaviour (because this is absolutely that) and it will require the different agencies and departments within those agencies to get together to look at how they have responded so far and what they can do going forward to resolve this. It does sound like people are just trying to constantly pass the buck so this is a way to get them to work together to come to a solution.

KillSwitch · 28/01/2018 09:11

Wrong thread! Sorry

Elementtree · 28/01/2018 09:12

That is a wonderful x-post kill.

LeonoraFlorence · 28/01/2018 09:16

I think that's awful OP. I can understand why you're upset but not sure what you could do. Have you sent your invites out yet?

isthismummy · 28/01/2018 09:16

Wow. That's amazingly shitty of her. She clearly has no grasp of social convention. She should have booked a different venue.

I'm sure this thread will be groaning with people telling you it's no big deal, but it is. I'd be furious op.

NotAgainYoda · 28/01/2018 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tweetiepie1000 · 28/01/2018 09:59

If it was me I think I would speak to the venue and explain what she has done, they might cancel her booking?

If her than that you can only really plead your case with ‘friend’

I certainly wouldn’t be having her as a friend any longer and I would be making the whole story very clear to all friends and family.

Is there a theme to her wedding at all? Could you maybe theme yours? Hire a bouncy castle/inflatable water slide etc for Sunday? Maybe make it really luxurious things like a gift bag when guest arrive, lots of little personal touches/gifts/things to keep and do for the guests throughout the weekend.

Gazelda · 28/01/2018 10:37

I get why people are suggesting you make your wedding bigger and better than hers. But isn't that forgetting what the occasion is all about? To celebrate your marriage.
If you start upping your budget to add in extra bells and whistles, you risk focusing on one-upmanship rather than enjoying your celebration with your closest loved ones.
Don't lose sight of what the event is about. It isn't an opportunity or revenge on your former BF. It's a personal event for you and DF.

callmeadoctor · 28/01/2018 10:48

Is the OP out there? Confused

AlexaAmbidextra · 28/01/2018 19:30

Tweetie. Do you really think the venue will cancel the friend's booking? 🙄 They won't give a toss. It's all business to them.

misscheery · 29/01/2018 05:34

Arghhhh. Not only that she stole your thunder but she's put you in competition mode, which I personally hate. I wouldn't go to her wedding, nor invite her to mine. I'd have a chat though before going NC giving her a chance to change things/realise she's doing the wrong thing

Other than that there's not much you can do...

ApacheEchidna · 29/01/2018 06:34

Put something like this out on social media to the people who have been invited to both weddings, timed for 48hrs after her invitations go out:

"As so many of you have contacted me to see if I'm OK after finding out that X is copying my entire wedding plan 5 weeks beforehand, I'm just putting this here to avoid repeating myself another 15 times.

Yes I was a bit upset at first but I've decided I can be a big girl about this -there's no copyright on my ideas after all and imitation is flattery etc etc. So don't worry about my feelings and I am sure both weddings will be brilliant it will be so great to see you all at both. And I wouldn't mind any feedback you have after X's do for things that I might need to tweak if there's anything that could have gone better!"

FairiesVsPixies · 29/01/2018 09:04

Oooh yes Apache I like it Grin Although I think OP is not coming back.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 29/01/2018 11:26

She's a snidey fucker and I'd tell her that.

I'd make sure everybody knew what a snidey fucker she was then I'd have nothing to do with her.