Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's stolen my wedding...

339 replies

daftpink · 27/01/2018 18:07

I feel really angry with my BF right now and can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not...

I am getting married in June - we're having a 'wedding weekend' and have hired a lovely large house & guest cottages with an indoor swimming pool, games room etc from the Friday to Monday for our 25 guests.

We have organised a meal on the Friday night, a BBQ Party for the Saturday after the registry office and then a chilled out pool party on the Sunday.

My BF also has her wedding planned for September - a more formal church affair with sit down dinner etc.

Only now, BF has announced that the wedding plans have changed as she is 8 weeks pregnant....and that she has just booked the same house and is planning to invite close family and friends to join them for a relaxing weekend away to celebrate their wedding - 5 weeks before my wedding!

Our friendship group is the same, so other than family, we will have the same guests.

Basically, now her wedding will be almost the same as mine, but as hers is first, I'm the one that will look like I copied her!

Aibu to be absolutely livid that she's done this to me?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 27/01/2018 20:52

Is there a mutual friend who would think it was shitty and be able to point out what a twat she will look like as your invites are out already?

londonista · 27/01/2018 20:52

Cora yes so agree!

Greensleeves · 27/01/2018 20:53

God no, don't go to her wedding. You'll be miserable all day and it will be awful. It will spoil the venue for you. And....fuck her.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 27/01/2018 20:53

I get moving her date forward due to the baby but the same venue is a bit tacky.

However I've been to the same venue for different weddings as a guest so wouldn't think much of it. I'd be more Hmm at it lasting so many days rather than a day.

londonista · 27/01/2018 20:54

Oh no - I'd go.
And whenever I caught her eye she'd be getting the full cat bum face...!

QueenOfIce · 27/01/2018 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeebieJeebies456 · 27/01/2018 20:59

She's deliberately pissing all over your sunshine so your wedding comes across as the second rate, 'been there done that' kind of affair.
She wants to steal all the attention - during your wedding she no doubt will be comparing your decorations etc and talking about her big day.
She's jealous she didn't think of it first and doesn't care about what she's taking away from your 'special' moment or that she'll be tainting the memories of your wedding.

She's actually being very spiteful when you really look at it - not much of a friend really is she?

If she goes ahead with it, i wouldn't be going to her wedding, dis-inviting her from mine and dropping the 'friendship'.
Nobody needs a frenemie like this.

QueenOfIce · 27/01/2018 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TakeMe2Insanity · 27/01/2018 21:01

Following on from QueenofIce's wise words I would say do not share anything about the dress or any further details about your wedding.

I'd be inclined to either decline the wedding invitation, or be ill on the day altertively turn up on the day with pen and notepad in had and just keep writing stuff down.

Can you find anywhere else?

CornforthWhite · 27/01/2018 21:01

You are going to have to get over it. Don’t dwell, honestly your day will be perfect no matter who does what first. However make sure the best man makes mention of a ‘CF’ in his speech!

MummytoCSJH · 27/01/2018 21:06

Absolutely in your position I wouldn't be going. I would mention to friends how shocked you are that your friend has done this to you.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 27/01/2018 21:06

OP let her have her wedding. Don't cancel or change yours.

Throughout the weekend of hers, go round the house and cottages doing a builder's sucking in of the lips and a head tilt, saying 'ooh, I wouldn't have done it like that', 'ooh I can think of a better way to do that' or 'ooh I'm not having it like that at my wedding'. All in her hearing (make sure it's lots of little things that you CAN change). Enjoy the aftermath.

She almost certainly won't come to yours, but I don't think that will be any great loss to you after this.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 27/01/2018 21:07

I’d be gutted, YANBU. It’s just such an awful thing for a friend to do, weddings are so personal nowadays, she’s not being fair at all.

I would talk it through with a mutual friend and seek advice from someone who knows you both. I honestly don’t know what I would do in your situation, other than maybe hope I could be the bigger person and think about my marriage as more important than the wedding.

Singlebutmarried · 27/01/2018 21:09

If you were feeling particularly mean you could always ring the venue (as BF) and subtly change some of their plans, ring the restaurant and cancel the registry office.

That’s what would happen in a film.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 27/01/2018 21:12

I’d be gutted, YANBU. It’s just such an awful thing for a friend to do, weddings are so personal nowadays, she’s not being fair at all.

I would talk it through with a mutual friend and seek advice from someone who knows you both. I honestly don’t know what I would do in your situation, other than maybe hope I could be the bigger person and think about my marriage as more important than the wedding.

SciFiFan2015 · 27/01/2018 21:12

Loudly and repeatedly mention during "friend's" wedding how nice it was of her to do a dry run of your wedding to iron out the kinks. Make a big joke of it, make sure everyone knows but in a really nice way. Be extra nice to her for being such a good friend and giving up her special day, to imitate yours so that yours runs hassle free. This way the message gets across that she's copied you and you don't seem like a bar person if you play it right. (Film it too and then submit for Best Actress Oscar next year!)

WeAreEternal · 27/01/2018 21:13

I would tell her that she has two options, choose a different venue (and copy someone else’s wedding) or consider this the end of your friendship, it’s her choice.

I’d then ring the venue and fake a family emergency and request to change the date of my wedding weekend to two weeks before hers,
Then send out a invitation adjustment card to let everyone know about the date change to to unforeseen circumstances to everyone except her.
I would consider her uninvited.

No true friend would do this, it’s not thoughtless it’s malicious, I don’t think I could continue a friendship with someone like that.

WellThatsATurnipForTheBooks · 27/01/2018 21:15

Wow! That's such a shitty thing to do.

I've never said this before but show her this thread .

She really needs to snap out of her bridal bubble and realise that she cannot do this unless she is a selfish, cheeky fucker who wants to lose friends

QueenOfIce · 27/01/2018 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

restingbemusedface · 27/01/2018 21:16

Just make your wedding absolutely amazing - add loads of secret surprises and don’t tell her about them first. I would use this as an opportunity to learn how you can make your wedding even better than hers

anothernetter · 27/01/2018 21:17

Wow that was quite brazen of her. I would be annoyed to be honest and I would make a comment to her on the day (in front of your other friends). On the plus side you can always use the opportunity to go one step ahead of her and make your day outshine hers. Your wedding sounds amazing by the way lucky guests!

BakedBeans47 · 27/01/2018 21:21

I’d be torn between not going, or going and pouring red wine all down her dress at the meal.

Moanaohnana · 27/01/2018 21:22

I think I'd first and foremost tell her how very upset I was and lay it down in no uncertain terms that your wedding ideas are special and precious to you and you feel that she's stolen something important from you. Give her the opportunity to back down.

If she doens't, I'd cancel your wedding, find another gorgeous venue (I know it feels like it, but it's not the only one) and then do not attend her wedding. She doesn't deserve your friendship.

LouHotel · 27/01/2018 21:23

OP this will most definitely be picked up by the daily mail and when it does you share that bad boy all over facebook and tag your cheeky fucker friend in.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/01/2018 21:25

Oh yes, this has DM/Metro/Scum written all over it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread