AIBU to be disappointed that a man made this assumption?

[Soullesstrader]

I work on a freelance basis in an industry that is generally forward thinking and innovative, but still largely male dominated at the senior level. I am at a senior level myself.

Today I was talking to a man at work - similar age, similar experience (I know his, he doesn't know mine), similar level. We were discussing what my next role might be and he started talking to me about how to find roles at a much more junior level - we're talking about jobs paying half my salary and requiring a quarter of my experience.

I can only assume that based on my gender and the fact I'm a single mother (he does know this about me as I told him) he had assumed he was far more senior than me.

AIBU to be shocked and really disappointed?

And no, I didn't say anything. I just smiled politely in the knowledge he will soon discover his mistake.

I’d be disappointed. But probably not shocked, unfortunately.

He made an assumption based on the fact he knows nothing about you.

Why are you disappointed?

It would have been the perfect opportunity to correct him... I'd be disappointed if someone made this error and I didn't put the little man in his place.

You should have said something not just smiled. Why didn't you challenge him?

You're making assumptions yourself, as you say.

I really really hope that you end up becoming his boss OP.

YANBU

You’re not being unreasonable at all. What a prick! Just think how he will feel though once he realises what he has done

I'm sorry but I would have had to make a comment about your role to make him realise you weren't lesser there and then and watch him try to dig himself out of the hole he had created :)

If you have a child maybe that made him think you were younger.

Does it matter? Just tell him and be professional about.

Perhaps I should have said something. I was genuinely taken by surprise though, as if I had misunderstood. I hadn't.

Is there any possibility that he won’t find out his mistake?

That would be infuriating!

Do you look young for your age? Perhaps he just thinks you are younger and therefore more junior that you actually are? My friend was mistaken for a medical student the other day but she's actually a consultant. She was bloody delighted!

This actually happens to me all the time. I tend to get paranoid that I must come across as inexperienced. I also look younger than I am - do you?

You should have corrected him. People tend to make assumptions.
I have sat in many meetings when a potential new engineer is referred to as 'he'.

Would anyone assume that a single father was more junior?

Sadly this happens to me all the time too. I try and take it as a compliment, i.e. that I look young, and also a chance to be smug and tell them my actual role and see the look on their face

Yes I would have duly corrected him, there and then.

yanbu

My friend was mistaken for a medical student the other day but she's actually a consultant. She was bloody delighted!

WTAF? Why would any self-respecting person by delighted to be mistaken for someone younger and less experienced than they are?

Seriously.

My friend was mistaken for a medical student the other day but she's actually a consultant. She was bloody delighted!

That sounds really, really sad to me.

I might have said, Im looking above my level, not below it :)

YANBU. I got splained at by a man yesterday who began his lecture with "Well, for those like you at the beginning of your career....."

I've got almost sixteen years experience in my area.

How do you know he made the assumption based on your gender? Maybe he thinks/is a lot older than you, maybe he thought for sonefeason that you recently joined the industry, maybe he secretly thinks that you are a bit stupid. People often have misconceptions.

Yanbu to be disappointed. Men need to do better.
The problem with correcting people is that they already have a low opinion of you. It doesn't change that - they just decide you're confrontational instead.

He was a prick. But you should have corrected him.

Why do you immediately think it was because of your gender?

YANBU and it’s very common.
I would have told him straight though. He clearly needs to learn that not all women are his subordinate.