AIBU to be disappointed that a man made this assumption?

[Soullesstrader]

I work on a freelance basis in an industry that is generally forward thinking and innovative, but still largely male dominated at the senior level. I am at a senior level myself.

Today I was talking to a man at work - similar age, similar experience (I know his, he doesn't know mine), similar level. We were discussing what my next role might be and he started talking to me about how to find roles at a much more junior level - we're talking about jobs paying half my salary and requiring a quarter of my experience.

I can only assume that based on my gender and the fact I'm a single mother (he does know this about me as I told him) he had assumed he was far more senior than me.

AIBU to be shocked and really disappointed?

And no, I didn't say anything. I just smiled politely in the knowledge he will soon discover his mistake.

I climbed the workplace ladder through hard work and professionalism all the way to the top without hitting my head on any imagined glass ceiling. If I met anyone at all in a business setting I would always give my name and title and not allow them to embarrass themselves through assumption.
Allowing this poor man to glean just enough information, single mum, contract ending, but not enough to let him know your position smacks of entrapment. Followed by the obvious glee of some posters about his embarrassment when he finds out shows a lack of basic courtesy. Perhaps goes some way to explain attitudes. Some men must take responsibility for their attitude to women but some women should look at the impression they give to those men. Play the cards close to the chest, retain some mystery, might be fine in a nightclub but in business straight and upfront works every time.
Can’t remember who said it but like the quotation ‘a woman who aspires to be equal to a man lacks ambition’.
Threw that in before the feminists jump on me.

Entrapment? Dear me, the desperation is palpable.

Maybe you simply came across as inexperienced or immature or professional.

Why are you making assumptions that this is because you're a woman?

This thread is going round in circles!

Glad again to be told I didn't conduct myself properly.

I didn't entrap him. It was a brief 'water cooler' kind of interaction, not me walking into a meeting determined to seek out a sexist man.

Had an unprofessional and immature yet senior man (they do exist) been in the room at the same time, I'm still willing to bet the same mistake wouldn't have been made about him, sorry.

I heard there's what should be an interesting programme on radio 4 tomorrow about how women being sexist against women is an issue that needs to be tackled. Perhaps some of the posters here should listen in.

Meet a random man at a water cooler ‘hi I’m a single Mum and my contracts about to finish’

So a woman displaying common sense is a woman being sexist against another woman. Grow up.

It was a conversation that started about what I was doing at the weekend. I mentioned DC and having EOW with them.

It then moved on to how long I would be with the company for.

I knew who he was as it's my business to be aware of who's who, and given that I knew his status I'm pretty sure I wasn't being immature and unprofessional in the way I talked to him or presented myself.

Why such doubt?

I just can’t understand why you didn’t let him know your position as soon as he came in with the probably well intentioned advice.
It would have been kind and professional. OK he made an incorrect assumption probably based on gender but you exacerbated the situation by keeping quiet. Had you spoken out in good time he would have been embarrassed but hopefully learnt not to make such assumptions. You didn’t speak out so now when we finds out his error he’ll probably think ‘what a stupid woman, why didn’t she say somethimg’ Or ‘typical woman playing silly games’
This is how women lose respect. I don’t want to be tarred with your brush.

He seemed very friendly and didn't come across as any kind of old fashioned or sexist idiot. I don't think he really is generally. That is why I was so surprised and disappointed because he made an assumption he really shouldn't have.

When the conversation started I thought he had a vague idea who I was. It only became clear when he started talking to me about who I should talk to about getting junior roles that it became clear he didn't. For a moment I thought I had misunderstood. I was confused.

Yes, I probably should have said something, as I've already said.

I am lol at some of this stuff, especially the horror of being mistaken for the adminer.
I’m the adminer. I work in that role out of choice. For the rest of my life, I have managed more people (hundreds more) and been paid more (waaaay more) than anyone who currently patronizes me for my current position.

Assumptions people make is always a good litmus test of character though.

I still think the radio 4 programme sounds interesting. I dont work for the BBC or have any links by the way!

Here's the synopsis:
"Why Are Even Women Biased Against Women?
Women are sexist too. Even avowed feminists are found to be unconsciously biased against women when they take 'implicit association' tests. Mary Ann Sieghart asks where these discriminatory attitudes come fromand what we can do about them. Evidence for women's own sexist biases abounds. In one example, female science professors rated the application materials of ostensibly male applicants for a lab position considerably higher than the identical documentation of ostensibly female candidates, in an experiment with fictitious applicants where only the names were changed. The reasons for the pervasive bias seem to lie in the unconscious, and in how concepts, memories and associations are formed and reinforced from early childhood. We learn from our environment.. The more we are exposed to sexist attitudes, the more we become hardwired to be sexist - without realising it. So what to do? Does unconscious bias training help? Or could it make our implicit biases worse? A good start might be to tell little girls not that they look so pretty in that dress, but to ask them what games they like to play, or what they are reading. And so teach them they are valued not for how they look, but for what they do."

It wasn't about an admin role - just further down the ladder and a lot less pay/experience associated with it blackdog.

Years and years ago I worked on reception for a short time and was treated like I was stupid and not capable of much by many until they found out I had a degree and was moving on to a 'better' job. I don't think any receptionists should be treated that way but I kind of saw why they made the assumption I wasn't qualified for anything more. I just thought that years later it wouldn't still happen!

Oh I know it wasn’t admin your case op. My comment was more in response to other posters, who may have inadvertently fallen into a similar trap as your male colleague
I reserve the right to call people on it occasionally. Mostly I just roll my eyes and they drop a bit further in my estimation. I doubt they care. I’m just the adminer lol.

I think I'll be the same surprised female if this happens to me, OP - nothing springs to mind immediately. I wonder about asking how does he find his next role ? Men do love talking about themselves, and it would give him a chance to preen. :)

Wobbly that’s a very sweeping generalisation. IMO there a members of both sexes who love to talk about themselves.
Suggest you look up misandry in the dictionary.

One hopes you aren't referring to yourself as the woman displaying common sense ilovesummer.

Pramwanker
Be a successful person, stride out and live life or wallow in disappointment, be offended at every turn and be a top rate misandrist.
You’re not the type who’d understand true equality so I’m not going to argue further.
I’m off to bed with my sexy oh.
Goodnight

I certainly wouldn't be interested in lowering myself to be equal with someone capable of the level of delusion and reaching it took to type your entrapment post.

I think the most depressing part is seeing the trap and still not being able to do anything about it. You know that correcting them contributes to part of the impression of "Well women in business are just so prickly and touchy and bossy about everything, theyre just more difficult to work with" but NOT correcting them leads to "well they couldnt be expected to know, its your fault for not correcting them!"

Its this whole extra "wifework" layer of managing their emotions while protecting your own corporate image that men simply dont have.

I love summer - Misandrist - ha ha ha! Someone believes THAT’S a thing - ha ha ha!!!! Where’s the evidence for misandry? Last time I looked men still had majority of power, were paid more etc...... look up the definition

Storm - that' s why the Linkedin suggestion above was a good idea. everyone gets to save face, no need to make enemies, etc.