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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU MIL and new baby

156 replies

feelingold101 · 26/01/2018 07:20

I have no clue if IABU and just tired and sleep deprived or if I have a good point so wanted some opinions.

MIL usually comes round once a week to see us and older DD, we have had a new baby and she is 10days old. MIL came round last night after work like she usually would, DH checked with me whether this was ok. She didn't leave until 10:00pm. I just think it's completely inappropriate, she could see how tired I was and that me and DH were abit snappy with each other as the night got later (nothing in this we are just both extremely sleep deprived right now).
I'm seriously annoyed that she stayed so late, she has form for this, 9/10 outstays her welcome and ignores hints to leave. I'm annoyed with DH as he could tell I had enough but was conveniently ignoring me so in the end at 9:15 I said I was going to bed as the baby had a feed and had gone to sleep.

AIBU? I don't want to say anything and cause an argument with DH over something I'm being silly about

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 26/01/2018 07:22

YANBU. I have an 11 day old baby and would not be impressed at all!! My in laws are coming down tomorrow and I can see this happening to us!

Sarahjconnor · 26/01/2018 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaytee87 · 26/01/2018 07:26

What time did she come round after work? 10pm is very late to stay at someone's house imo, we're often in bed before that. Tell your husband to say something if it happens again even 'right it's getting late, we'll need to start getting ready for bed. Was nice to see you' would have done.

Booboostwo · 26/01/2018 07:28

Very inconsiderate but i would have asked her to leave outright or just gone off to bed and left her to DH.

ApacheEchidna · 26/01/2018 07:29

Yanbu but it would have been OK to stop hinting and been explicit from 8pm - next time she wants to visit say right from the get-go that whilst it's lovely to see her, you do need her to leave earlier this time as visitors in the later evening are too disruptive while the baby is so tiny.

flumpybear · 26/01/2018 07:29

Honestly, I'd say right I'm absolutely shattered so I'm off to bed ...

Passmethecrisps · 26/01/2018 07:29

In your shoes I would simply announce that I am going to bed and leave your dh to entertain her.

KimmySchmidt1 · 26/01/2018 07:31

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I’m due with my first on Monday and am going to expect my DH to get his parents and anyone else out of our house precisely when I feel like it for the next three mo the at least.

You are vulnerable, over tired and heavily focussed on an incredibly demanding new baby. In laws need to get back in their box.

SavageBeauty73 · 26/01/2018 07:31

I would have taken the baby to bed with me and left them too it.

JackmanAdmirer · 26/01/2018 07:34

I used to just go to bed when dc was young and leave in laws / parents downstairs with DH! Lol.
Yanbu

ChasedByBees · 26/01/2018 07:36

At 9.15 you said you were going to bed, so did your DH stay up with her? If so, that’s his choice I guess.

BeyondThePage · 26/01/2018 07:36

"Hello, lovely to see you, I am tired so if you could head home round 9pm tonight please".

If you want her to leave tell her, if DH wants her to leave he should tell her. Don't hint - tell, and as you are telling her, go get her coat.

eggsandwich · 26/01/2018 07:36

YANBU that’s way to late, she should of just done a flying visit if she wanted to see the baby after work.

I remember when my sister had just had her first child many years ago, when my mum and dad turned up while the midwife was doing a home visit the midwife said don’t stay long so she didn’t.

I think you will have to be blunt and say we’re really tired what with having a new baby and trying to adjust to juggling two children so will let you know when it’s convenient to visit.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 26/01/2018 07:40

I’d have gone to bed as soon as I was ready for it whether she was there or not. Up to your OH to tell her he is also ready for bed and therefore it’s time she went home.

I think it’s perfectly ok to be that way when you gave birth 10 days ago. Congratulations btw Smile

Laiste · 26/01/2018 07:45

in the end at 9:15 I said I was going to bed as the baby had a feed and had gone to sleep.

You did the right thing. When you're feeling calmer (!?) maybe mention to DH that perhaps he could ask his mum not to stay past 9ish when she comes round for the next few weeks.

At least it's only once a week and not mulitple times Flowers

Sirzy · 26/01/2018 07:49

Yanbu to be miffed but I don’t get why as adults people feel they can’t simply say themselves rather than expecting someone else to talk for you!

ifonly4 · 26/01/2018 07:50

What time does she normally leave? If it's sometimes around 10pm, you've got into a habit that's hard to break without offending.

You did the right thing going up to bed earlier, you don't know if she'll take the hint, but at least you didn't have to be in entertaining mode. If DH asks if it's okay to come around again, could he tell her you're both tired by 9pm and for a few weeks would it be okay to leave by then. If she stays late again and DH won't say anything, just go up early, you can always read if you're not actually going to sleep. DH can have quality time with his Mum!!

Laiste · 26/01/2018 07:53

Sometimes when people are feeling vulnerable or upset or hormonal it is nice if their spouse will step up and have the possibly tricky conversation. Especially if the problem is with their own parent.

DancesWithOtters · 26/01/2018 07:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 26/01/2018 07:55

Past 9pm when you have a new baby? Let alone 10,

Past 6pm is unreasonable!

Stick to the odd weekend,

allthecheese · 26/01/2018 07:55

YANBU. I have a two week old, and am expecting the same from my PIL this weekend. My MIL has already met the baby, she turned up for a visit on day 3 (with a cold sore that I didn't notice until after she had kissed the baby) and got upset when she only got to spend 2 hours with our newborn. I am still furious with her utter selfishness.

Laiste · 26/01/2018 07:56

On the subject of who does the telling: If my DH was unwell and knackered and needing to be in bed early and it was my mum hanging about i'd be the one telling her to skip off home now please, i wouldn't expect DH to do it.

It doesn't sound like it's a massive deal anyway.

Gazelda · 26/01/2018 07:58

What time did she arrive? Did she have her evening meal with you?

Fluffyears · 26/01/2018 08:03

My mil all over. You just have to make it obvious it’s time to go. Stand up and say ‘ok mil great to see you but we really need to go to bed now. See you next week’ and hand her her coat and bag etc.

Chugalug · 26/01/2018 08:06

She's your husbands mum....how would you feel if your husband told your mum to leave?? I think there is nothing stopping you going to bed when it suits you...everything dosnt have to stop because mil is there,just carry on as normal leave dh to entertain her...